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Grief never ends, but it changes. it’s a passage, not a place to stay. grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. it is the price of love..

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Those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us every day…unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved, still missed, and very dear., have you ever listened to a song and broke down and cried , you realize how much how much you truly miss someone when something happens, good or bad, and the only person you want to tell is the one person who isn’t there. , when someone you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure., sometimes, it’s not the song that makes you emotional, it’s the people and things that come to your mind when you hear it. , people cry, not because they are weak, but because they’ve been strong for too long. , you can’t be strong all the time. sometimes you just have to be alone and let your tears out. , blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted., you live, you love, you lose, you hurt, you cry but you learn. and you love again, because it’s beautiful when it’s good. , if you were asked to name all the things you love, how long would it take you to name yourself , nobody goes through more difficulties in life than a person with a good heart. .

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You fall, you rise, you make mistakes, you live, you learn. You’re Human, not perfect. You’ve been hurt, but you’re alive to breathe, to think, to enjoy, and to chase the things you love. Sometimes there is sadness in our journey, but there is also lots of beauty. We must keep putting one foot in front of the other even when we hurt, for we will never know what is waiting for us just around the bend. 

Little hugs can dry big tears. little candles can light the darkness. little memories can last for years. it’s the little things in life that bring the greatest happiness. , watch this video of a 6-year-old boy who beat cancer and got a surprise greeting from his entire school:.

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24 Perfect Grief Quotes to Comfort Loss & Help Healing

By Renee Wood  •   4 minute read

Grief is a deeply personal journey, and finding the right words to comfort those who are grieving can be challenging. 

Whether you're seeking solace for yourself or comforting a loved one, these carefully curated grief quotes offer both comfort and insight.

Here are 24 perfect grief quotes to help you or someone you care about navigate the difficult path of loss.

What Are Some Comforting Grief Quotes for Someone Grieving?

When words fail, a well-chosen quote can provide comfort. these grief quotes are perfect for offering support during the darkest days..

“Grief is tremendous, but love is bigger. You are grieving because you loved truly. The beauty in that is greater than the bitterness of death. Allowing this into your consciousness will not keep you from suffering, but it will help you survive the next day.”

―  Cheryl Strayed

"If you have a thousand tears to cry, you can't stop at 500" ― Unknown

“The time will come when memory will bring a smile to your lips before it brings a tear to your eyes.”  ―  David Kessler

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” ―  C.S. Lewis

What are some beautiful grief quotes?

"I'll endure a lifetime of missing you for the joy at having loved you."

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." - Rose Kennedy

“To live in this world you must be able to do three things: To love what is mortal; To hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and,  when the time comes to let it go, To let it go .” -Mary Oliver

“Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything."

What is a quote about being strong in grief?

• "The only cure for grief is to grieve." – Earl Grollman
• "We bereaved are not alone. We belong to the largest company in all the world—the company of those who have known suffering." – Helen Keller
• "Grief is in two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of life." – Anne Roiphe

What are some wise grief quotes?

"You do not have to be strong; you do not have to be heroic . You only have to endure." – Megan Devine

"Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you." – John Green

"The darker the night, the brighter the stars, the deeper the grief, the closer is God!" – Fyodor Dostoevsky

Short grief quotes

"To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die." – Thomas Campbell

"Grief is the price we pay for love." – Queen Elizabeth II

"What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes part of us." – Helen Keller

Famous Grief quotes for loved ones

"Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break." – William Shakespeare

“No truth can cure the sadness we feel from losing a loved one. No truth, no sincerity, no strength, no kindness, can cure that sorrow. All we can do is see that sadness through to the end and learn something from it.”

―  Haruki Murakami

Healing grief quotes

“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.” ―  Elizabeth Kubler-Ross 

Missing you grief quotes

“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news.  They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”

―  Anne Lamott

“Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them.”

―  Leo Tolstoy

Short grief quotes for loved ones

“We never lose our loved ones. The accompany us; they don't disappear from our lives. We are merely in different rooms.”

―  Paulo Coelho

"Those we love never truly leave us... There are things that death cannot touch. " – J.K. Rowling

Grief quotes for a friend

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.

Washington Irving

Comforting Sympathy Quotes and Sayings

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21 grief quotes that highlight the love that never dies.

It hurts because it mattered, and it will always matter. I've learned that grief is another name for Love and that no matter how deep your grief makes a home in you, love will always leave a window open. A window for fresh air in the middle of the storm, for a hope that comes after you've lost all hope.

There’s an invisible thread connecting your heart to all hearts, you to all life. Grief is a heavy weight to carry and it's also an anchor in love. It's not something you can rush or push past. It feels so like fear that it's hard to see how it can leave room for love.

But love finds its way through you. You learn to breathe it in and out, the love and the fear, all at the same time. You'll find pain in letting go and hope in what you pick up. This, because you're here to experience it all .

If you want to honor the love that your pain stems from and goes back to, but you're not sure how, read these grief quotes.

21 Grief Quotes That Highlight the Love You’ll Never Lose

1. “So often we try to make other people feel better by minimizing their pain, by telling them that it will get better (which it will) or that there are worse things in the world (which there are). But that’s not what I actually needed. What I needed was for someone to tell me that it hurt because it mattered.” – John Green

2. “When we lose someone we love we must learn not to live without them, but to live with the love they left behind.” –Unknown

3. “Grief is not linear. It’s not a slow progression forward toward healing, it’s a zigzag, a terrible back-and-forth from devastated to okay until finally there are more okay patches and fewer devastated ones. The mind can’t handle emotions like grief and terror for any sustained period of time, so it takes some downtime.” – Lisa Unger, Beautiful Lies: A Novel

4. “You see, love and grief are two sides of the same precious coin. One does not—and cannot—exist without the other. They are the yin and yang of our lives… Grief is predicated on our capacity to give and receive love. Some people choose not to love and so never grieve. If we allow ourselves the grace that comes with love, however, we must allow ourselves the grace that is required to mourn.” – Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph. D.

5. “Grief only exists where love lived first.” – Franchesca Cox

6. “We need to grieve the ones we've lost — not to sustain our connection to suffering, but to sustain our connection to love.” – Jennifer Williamson

7. “Every time we make the decision to love someone, we open ourselves to great suffering, because those we most love cause us not only great joy but also great pain. The greatest pain comes from leaving…the pain of the leaving can tear us apart. Still, if we want to avoid the suffering of leaving, we will never experience the joy of loving. And love is stronger than fear, life stronger than death, hope stronger than despair. We have to trust that the risk of loving is always worth taking.” — Henri Nouwen

8. “But in all of the sadness, when you’re feeling that your heart is empty, and lacking, you’ve got to remember that grief isn’t the absence of love. Grief is the proof that love is still there.” – Tessa Shaffter, Heaven Has No Regrets

9. “To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.” – Thomas Campbell

10. “Grief is a matter of the heart and soul. Grieve your loss, allow it in, and spend time with it. Suffering is the optional part. Love never dies, and spirit knows no loss. Keep in mind that a broken heart is an open heart.” – Louise Hay & David Kessler, You Can Heal Your Heart

11. “Never. We never lose our loved ones. They accompany us; they don’t disappear from our lives. We are merely in different rooms.” – Paulo Coelho, Aleph

12. “Grief opens a place in our hearts that we never knew could hurt so profoundly, but it also opens this same place to a love we never imagined possible” – Unknown

13. “Grief is the price we pay for love.” – Queen Elizabeth II

14. “Grief is not a disorder, a disease, or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity; the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.” – Dr. Earl A. Grollman

15. “Grief is so human, and it hits everyone at one point or another, at least, in their lives. If you love, you will grieve, and that’s just given.” – Kay Redfield Jamison

16. “To mourn your loss is required if you are to befriend the love you have been granted. To honor your grief is not self-destructive or harmful, it is life-sustaining and life-giving, and it ultimately leads you back to love again. In this way, love is both the cause and the antidote.” – Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph. D.

17. “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.” – Kahlil Gibran

18. “When you are sorrowful look again into your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” – Kahlil Gibran

19. “Love, where it ever existed before, doesn't cease to exist. To speak of love in the past tense is not to know love at all. Love goes on, being always a continuation and an extension of love. Your grief is but the continuation of the love you once experienced, and will always experience. Grief is another name for Love.” – Jennifer Williamson

20. “There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, a deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” – Washington Irving

21. “Grief is no more necessary when we understand death than fear is necessary when we understand flying.” – Richard Bach

Which of these quotes is your favorite?

Tell me in the comments. I read every single one, and I'd love to know!

P.S. Not sure how you're going to find your way back home... to the love? Keep this poem somewhere you'll see it every day, so you never forget how resilient you can be. How much hope there still is.

Comments on this post (41)

Your opening five words resonated most with me: It hurts because it mattered. Also, grief is the price we pay for living, which was mentioned more than once. Thank you.

— Alice Garrard

I lost my father, sister, recently my mom and many others very dear to me. One of my friends little told me I should of died with them because I’m always griefing. She came out so rude about, that’s the reason I stumbled o. this paige to try to find a way to understand if I am exaggerating my feelings. I was so close to my loved ones, She is not so I said mb that’s why she feels that way.

They each speak to the phases you feel as you move thru your life with grief. Some days you sing from the wonderful memories. Other days you reach for those positive memories just to get out of bed and move thru out the day. Charles August 25, 1949-March31, 2021

I will love my wife until the sands of time run still … and then some more.

Every quote has pieces that made my heart echo. However, my greatest love has been my greatest sorrow. I miss my best friend and husband every single day. I miss our family, I miss the way he looked at me, I miss the way he made me laugh, I miss his hugs and kisses. I don’t understand how grief allows love in. It’s been 19 years since he died and I have been open to love but only lost both my children (they are estranged adults) in giving in to the openness. I accept that I will me my greatest love in another realm when I pass.

In Ireland I read a tombstone. A man’s wife engraved a poem which said she had received many gifts; it ends, “but to have had you as my husband was the greatest gift of all.” It is near my darling wife’s grave. Reading it, I felt that sharing grief helped me, it was a sorrow shared and halved, but nothing removed that awful sense of loss. I believe I lost judgment, love of music, interest in news. By accident I came across the old song, Robin Adair, and the first line summed the feeling, “what’s this dull town to me, Robin’s not here.”

— John Devoy

When we lose someone we love, we must learn not to live without them, but how to live with the love they left behind.

I struggle daily! Miss and love you mom and dad Kazuko Mikami-Wall Dec. 29, 2014. Robert (Bob) Lee Wall Mar. 18, 2019 Bessie M Wall-Thomas

— Bessie Wall-Thomas

1, 3 &4 Were my favourites (in that order). I was writing the eulogy for our much loved mum and was looking for comfort and for guidance on what to write and how to cope. I stumbled across this page and was pleased that I had.

These quotes are all beautiful. I lost my three small children and my mother in a car accident in 2006. I’m well into my grief journey and doing well. I think my favorite quotes are the ones that talk about the power of tears. I found it the only way through was to face my pain head on, honor the pain and the tears. I found with every tear I shed I healed just a little. My heart goes out to all of you but especially those early in their grief journey. Have faith that there can be light, love, joy again in your life.

I’m sorry you feel this way, Chris, but everyone is and thinks different, and glad you found something that made sense in your own experience. – Jen

— Jennifer Healey

None of these resonate, all ridiculous cliches except for one. Grief is the price you pay for love. Some of us pay dearly, even with our lives.

Thank you for these beautiful quotes. I lost my son Who was 18 at the time. They are all so helpful and speak to my broken heart. My favorite of them is 11. “Never. We never lose our loved ones. They accompany us; they don’t disappear from our lives. We are merely in different rooms.” – Paulo Coelho, Aleph

— Lori Lahman

Loosing my most magnificent Bengal cat this passed year was like loosing a child. He was do self aware- and so loving. He filled our home with great joy and has taught me so much. I have cried rivers of tears every day since early September. A few weeks ago, I finished decorating for the holidays – he loved the Christmas tree! I broke down and my daughter came barreling out of the guest room upstairs where our precious cat spent most of his final days with us. She was screaming bug! Flying around and trying to land on or cat’s pictures. My husband went up and brought down a beautiful butterfly! This was mid December!! We looked it up and it is called a mourning cloak- I lost it , filled to overflowing with emotion. We live in P.A….very cold week. I contacted an expert and this beautiful butterfly is hibernating in my garage , in a butterfly habitat we made – until spring. This entomologist was also a grief counselor- not the first time she has had people contact her with similar experience with butterflies after suffering loss. I know we will be reunited one day. I know our Lord sends us these celestial creatures to teach us, and to help us return with hearts of gold.

All these quotes have real meaning. I lost my beautiful wife in September so I am grieving heavily at present. From the first moment I believed she is worth every teardrop as each one represents a special time we had together. We were married 51 years and it means a lot of tears that I do not mind letting out. She will always be worth it as long as I remain here.

I write this 4 weeks into the grief of the loss of my beloved cat Bella. I have lost human family members but none of it has come close to the grief of the loss of her. I feel I will never recover. I am deep in denial and desperately want to hold her again. The realisation that I won’t is too much to bear.

We lost our beloved Golden Retriever, Gracie on Nov 23, 2021. Born April 2nd 2010 – died November 23 2021. We are totally gutted.

These are the quotes we love:

“When we lose someone we love we must learn not to live without them, but to live with the love they left behind.” –Unknown

“Grief only exists where love lived first.” – Franchesca Cox

“We need to grieve the ones we’ve lost — not to sustain our connection to suffering, but to sustain our connection to love.” – Jennifer Williamson

“When you are sorrowful look again into your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” – Kahlil Gibran

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, a deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” – Washington Irving

Thank you for posting these loving words of grief.

— Beverly and Jon W.

Oot of sorrow the heart is made good

— Allen v. Mumford

Trevor, and thank you for being here, and for sharing, and for honoring the sacredness in that pain of such devastating loss. It is so very hard to keep your heart open to the world, to each other, and to your own experiences after something like that, like losing your daughter how you did. But we can try, and that itself is a beautiful thing. A light in this world. Thank you for that. May we all know peace.

— Jennifer Williamson

Thank you, Jack. Gathered in the arms of love. x

I stumbled onto your site and I’m glad I did. My favorite 2 are 14 & 20 . My daughter died of a drug overdose in May 2019. She battled Mental illness for 13 years . My life has changed and I like #14 because it’s so true, profound and yet so simple. #20 sums up my life these past years and certainly rings true to me. Thank you for your efforts to enable others to feel validation and to help them voice their suffering and pain.

— Trevor Richman

I wrote this poem thinking of my parents .

Jack G. 05/16/2020

Vanessa, I hope you have more of those days this year where you can feel his love and presence all around you. x

I love numbers 2,5 and 9 although they all mean something to me. My partner passed away last June 2020 of cancer at the age of 49. I miss him with every breath I take. Grief is weighing especially heavy today so I’m glad I found this site. Thank you. Vanessa

— Vanessa Black

Ruby, I am wishing you comfort and peace this holiday season as you grieve such a deep loss. My heart is with you. May grace find you.

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Grief Quotes: Finding Comfort in Words of Solace

Grief is a universal human experience, one that touches all of us at some point in our lives. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or any other form of personal tragedy, grief can be overwhelming and difficult to navigate. During these challenging times, many people turn to quotes as a source of comfort and solace.

Grief quotes have the power to capture complex emotions and provide validation for what we’re feeling. They can offer insight, support, and a sense of shared humanity when we may feel isolated in our sorrow. Reading words that resonate with our own experiences can help us find strength and healing during the grieving process.

In this article, I’ll be sharing some powerful grief quotes that have resonated with me personally. These quotes come from various sources – writers, poets, philosophers – who have explored the depths of human emotion and found words to express the profound impact of loss. Join me as we delve into these poignant reflections on grief and discover their ability to inspire hope amidst darkness.

The Power of Grief Quotes

Grief is a complex and deeply personal experience that can leave us feeling lost, overwhelmed, and searching for solace. In times of mourning, we often turn to various coping mechanisms to help navigate the storm of emotions. One such powerful tool is grief quotes. These succinct expressions have the ability to capture the essence of our pain, provide comfort in shared experiences, and offer a glimmer of hope amidst the darkness.

• VALIDATING OUR EMOTIONS: Grief quotes have an incredible power to validate our emotions. They articulate what we may struggle to put into words ourselves, offering a sense of relief and understanding. When someone else’s words resonate with our own feelings, it reminds us that we are not alone in our grief journey. For example:
• “Grief is just love with no place to go.” – Jamie Anderson
• FINDING COMFORT AND SUPPORT: Quotes about grief can also be a source of comfort and support during difficult times. They remind us that others have walked this path before us and emerged stronger on the other side. These words can serve as a reminder that healing is possible even when it feels impossibly far away. Consider this poignant quote from Helen Keller:
• “What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes part of us.”
• INSPIRING HOPE AND RESILIENCE: In addition to providing validation and comfort, grief quotes inspire hope and resilience within us. They remind us that despite the pain we are experiencing now, there is light at the end of the tunnel. These words ignite a flicker of strength within us and encourage us to keep moving forward on our healing journey.
• “The sun will rise again; it’s okay if your world has stopped.” – Unknown

4.CREATING A SENSE OF CONNECTION: Lastly, grief quotes foster connection among individuals who share the common experience of loss. They create a space for open dialogue, empathy, and understanding. When we share these quotes with others or read them in support groups or online communities, it reaffirms that our grief is valid and that we are not alone in our struggles.

• “Grief shared is grief halved.” – Unknown

Grief quotes possess an extraordinary power to validate our emotions, provide comfort and support, inspire hope and resilience, and foster a sense of connection among individuals navigating the turbulent waters of grief. These brief expressions can serve as beacons of light during dark times, reminding us that healing is possible and that we are never truly alone on this journey.

Finding Comfort in Grief Quotes

When dealing with the pain of loss, finding solace and comfort can often feel like an uphill battle. It’s during these difficult times that grief quotes can play a significant role in providing some relief and helping us navigate through our emotions. Here are a few reasons why turning to grief quotes can bring comfort:

• Validation of Emotions: Grief quotes have the power to validate our emotions, reminding us that what we’re feeling is normal and okay. They act as a reminder that we’re not alone in our sorrow, as others have experienced similar pain and found ways to cope. For example, when I came across the quote “Grief is just love with no place to go,” it resonated deeply within me, acknowledging the intensity of my emotions while offering a sense of understanding.
• Reflection and Self-Expression: Quotes about grief provide an outlet for reflection and self-expression. They encapsulate complex feelings into concise words that capture the essence of our experiences. Reading or sharing these quotes can help us articulate our own thoughts and feelings about loss when words fail us. It’s comforting to know that even though grief is deeply personal, there are universal sentiments that connect us all.
• Perspective Shift: Grief quotes have the ability to shift our perspective on loss by offering new insights or alternative ways of thinking about it. They can provide wisdom or guidance on how to navigate through the grieving process or find meaning amidst the pain. One quote that particularly struck me was “What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose because all that we love becomes a part of us.” This reminded me that although someone may be physically gone, their impact continues to shape who I am.
• Inspiration for Healing: In times of immense grief, finding motivation for healing may seem impossible. However, grief quotes can serve as sources of inspiration and encouragement along this journey towards healing. They remind us that even in the darkest of times, there is hope and resilience. For instance, the quote “The pain you feel today is the strength you feel tomorrow” reminds me that my grief can eventually transform into something empowering.
• Connection with Others: Sharing grief quotes with others who are also experiencing loss can foster a sense of connection and empathy. By exchanging these words of comfort, we create a space for support and understanding. Grief quotes act as bridges between individuals who may be going through similar struggles, allowing them to lean on each other for strength.

Grief quotes have the power to provide solace by validating our emotions, offering self-expression opportunities, shifting perspectives, inspiring healing, and fostering connections. When used in conjunction with other coping mechanisms such as therapy or support groups, they can serve as valuable tools to navigate through the challenging journey of grief.

Inspirational Grief Quotes to Heal the Heart

When it comes to dealing with grief, finding solace and healing can be a challenging journey. Sometimes, we need words of wisdom and inspiration to help us navigate through the pain and sorrow. Here are a few powerful grief quotes that can offer comfort and guidance during these difficult times:

• “Grief is the price we pay for love.” – Queen Elizabeth II

This quote beautifully encapsulates the deep connection between love and loss. It reminds us that experiencing grief is a testament to the love we had for those who have passed away. By acknowledging our pain, we honor the profound bond we shared with them.

• “What is lovely never dies but passes into another loveliness, stardust or sea-foam, flower or winged air.” – Thomas Bailey Aldrich

Aldrich’s words remind us that although our loved ones may no longer be physically present, their essence lives on in different forms of beauty around us. This quote offers a soothing perspective by emphasizing the continuation of their spirit in nature’s wonders.

• “The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief—But the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love.” – Hilary Stanton Zunin

Zunin highlights an essential truth: despite knowing that loving someone means facing eventual loss, it is still worth taking that risk because genuine love enriches our lives in immeasurable ways. The pain of grief pales in comparison to a life devoid of meaningful connections.

• “You don’t get over it; you just get through it. You don’t get by it; because you can’t get around it. It doesn’t ‘get better’; it just gets different.” – Wendy Feireisen

Feireisen’s quote acknowledges that healing from grief doesn’t mean forgetting or moving on completely. Instead, it emphasizes that the pain transforms over time, allowing us to adapt and find a new sense of normalcy in our lives.

• “The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered.” – Elizabeth Kübler-Ross

Kübler-Ross’s words offer a profound understanding of grief as an ongoing process. It reminds us that healing doesn’t mean erasing the pain but rather integrating it into the fabric of our lives, ultimately shaping who we become.

These inspirational grief quotes serve as powerful reminders that while grief may be an arduous journey, there is hope for healing and growth along the way. They encourage us to honor our emotions, cherish cherished memories, and find strength in embracing love despite its inherent risks. Grief is a complex emotion that can be overwhelming and challenging to navigate. During times of loss, finding solace in words can provide comfort and support. In this section, I’ll share some meaningful grief quotes that may help you cope with your own journey of healing.

• “Grief is the price we pay for love.” – Queen Elizabeth II This quote from Queen Elizabeth II captures the essence of grief beautifully. It reminds us that the depth of our sorrow reflects the depth of our love for those we have lost. While grieving can be painful, it also serves as a testament to the profound connections we form with others.
• “The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it.” – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, a renowned psychiatrist, acknowledges that grief doesn’t have an expiration date. Instead of trying to move on completely, she suggests embracing grief as a lifelong companion and integrating it into our lives in a way that allows us to find meaning and purpose even amidst the pain.
• “Sometimes, only one person is missing, and the whole world seems depopulated.” – Alphonse de Lamartine Alphonse de Lamartine’s poignant quote encapsulates how grief can make us feel isolated even in a crowded room. It highlights the profound impact one person’s absence can have on our lives and emphasizes the unique void left behind by their departure.
• “What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose because all that we love deeply becomes part of us.” – Helen Keller Helen Keller’s insightful words remind us that although someone may no longer be physically present, their influence and impact remain imprinted on our hearts forever. The memories shared and lessons learned continue to shape who we are as individuals, keeping our loved ones alive within us.
• “Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest.” – Unknown This anonymous quote provides a unique perspective on grief by reframing it as an overflow of unexpressed love. It acknowledges the intense emotions we experience when mourning a loss and underscores how grief is intertwined with deep affection for those we hold dear.

These grief quotes offer profound insights into the human experience of loss and may provide solace during difficult times. Remember that grieving is a personal journey, and finding comfort in words is just one way to navigate through it.

Expressing Emotions through Grief Quotes

Grief is a powerful and complex emotion that we all experience at some point in our lives. It can be overwhelming and difficult to put into words. That’s where grief quotes come in, offering solace, understanding, and a way to express the depth of our emotions. In this section, we’ll explore how grief quotes can help us navigate the turbulent seas of loss and provide comfort during these challenging times.

• Finding Words for Unspoken Pain: When we’re grieving, it’s common to feel a sense of emptiness and struggle to articulate our emotions. Grief quotes offer a refuge for those unspoken feelings by providing eloquent words that resonate with our pain. They have the power to validate our experiences and remind us that we are not alone in our suffering. Whether it’s a quote about love, loss, or resilience, finding solace in these carefully crafted words can provide much-needed comfort.
• Honoring Our Loved Ones: Grief quotes also serve as a way to honor and remember those we have lost. They encapsulate the essence of their presence in our lives and help keep their memory alive. By sharing meaningful quotes that capture the spirit of our loved ones, we create connections with others who may be going through similar experiences. These shared tributes become reminders of the impact our loved ones had on us and allow us to find solace in collective mourning.
• Providing Perspective and Insight: In times of grief, it’s easy to get lost in overwhelming emotions and lose sight of hope or purpose. Grief quotes offer valuable insights that can help shift our perspective during these dark moments. They remind us that healing is possible and that even amidst profound loss, there is still beauty in life worth embracing.
• Inspiring Strength and Resilience: One of the most incredible aspects of grief quotes is their ability to inspire strength within us when we need it most. They offer words of encouragement and motivate us to find the resilience necessary to navigate our grief journey. These quotes remind us that we have the power to rise above our pain and grow from our experiences.
• Encouraging Connection and Support: Grief can be an isolating experience, but grief quotes have the potential to bridge that gap by fostering connection and support. When we share quotes that resonate with us, we create conversations around grief, allowing others to feel seen and understood. This shared understanding can bring a sense of community during times when we may feel alone in our sorrow.

Grief quotes provide a powerful means of expressing emotions, honoring loved ones, gaining perspective, finding strength, and building connections. They serve as beacons of hope amidst the stormy seas of grief, reminding us that healing is possible even in our darkest moments.

The Healing Power of Grief Quotes

When we find ourselves navigating the challenging journey of grief, it can feel overwhelming and isolating. The weight of loss can be difficult to bear, leaving us searching for ways to heal and find solace. In these moments, grief quotes have a unique role to play in the healing process.

• Offering Validation and Understanding: Grief quotes have the ability to capture our deepest emotions and experiences with profound simplicity. They put into words what we may struggle to express ourselves, offering validation that our feelings are valid and understood by others who have walked a similar path. These quotes serve as a reminder that we are not alone in our grief.
• Providing Comfort and Hope: In times of intense sorrow, finding even a flicker of hope can make all the difference. Grief quotes have an incredible power to provide comfort during dark days by reminding us that healing is possible and that brighter days lie ahead. They offer a glimmer of light amidst the darkness, giving us strength to carry on.
• Encouraging Reflection and Self-Compassion: Grief quotes often prompt deep reflection on our own emotions, thoughts, and experiences. They encourage us to take pause, explore our pain, and embrace self-compassion along the way. These words act as gentle guides through the grieving process as we navigate our own unique journey towards healing.
• Facilitating Connection with Others: One of the most remarkable aspects of grief quotes is their ability to foster connection among individuals who share this common experience. When we read or share these poignant words with others who are grieving, it creates an instant bond of understanding and empathy. It reminds us that there is a community out there ready to support us through our darkest days.
• Inspiring Strength and Resilience: Grief is an incredibly transformative experience that demands immense strength from within us. Grief quotes serve as reminders of our own resilience and capacity to heal. They inspire us to keep going, even when the pain feels unbearable, and remind us that we have the strength within us to carry on and rebuild our lives.

Incorporating grief quotes into our healing journey can be a powerful tool for emotional support, self-reflection, and connection. Whether we find solace in famous quotes from renowned authors or stumble upon heartfelt words shared by individuals who have experienced loss firsthand, these quotes have the ability to touch our souls and guide us towards healing.

Reflecting on Life with Thought-Provoking Grief Quotes

Life is a journey filled with both joy and sorrow. It’s during the times of grief that we often find ourselves searching for solace, comfort, and understanding. In these moments, turning to thought-provoking grief quotes can provide us with a sense of connection and perspective.

Grief quotes have the power to encapsulate complex emotions in concise yet profound ways. They offer insights into the human experience of loss, reminding us that we are not alone in our pain. These quotes serve as reminders that grief is a natural part of life and that healing takes time.

Here are a few examples of thought-provoking grief quotes:

• “Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. It is the price of love.” – Unknown

This quote beautifully captures the idea that grieving is an expression of the love we had for those we have lost. It reminds us that it’s okay to feel pain and sadness because it reflects the depth of our emotional connections.

• “What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” – Helen Keller

Helen Keller’s words remind us that even though someone may physically be gone from our lives, their impact remains forever imprinted within us. Our memories and love for them become an integral part of who we are.

• “The reality is you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss… you will learn to live with it.” – Elizabeth Kubler-Ross & David Kessler

This quote speaks to the enduring nature of grief and highlights an important truth – there is no set timeline for healing from loss. Instead, it encourages acceptance and finding ways to integrate our grief into our lives.

• “Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Longfellow’s quote sheds light on the hidden nature of grief. It reminds us to approach others with compassion and understanding, as they may be carrying their own burdens of sorrow.

• “Grief changes shape, but it never ends.” – Keanu Reeves

Keanu Reeves’ poignant words acknowledge that grief is an ever-evolving process. It may transform over time, but its impact remains with us indefinitely.

These thought-provoking quotes serve as powerful reminders that grief is a universal experience and that there is no right or wrong way to navigate through it. They offer comfort, validation, and insights into the complex emotions we encounter during times of loss.

By reflecting on these quotes, we can find solace in knowing that others have walked this path before us and have found ways to embrace life despite their grief.

Moving Forward with Encouraging Grief Quotes

Grief is a complex and deeply personal experience that can leave us feeling lost, confused, and overwhelmed. However, in the midst of our pain, there are quotes that can provide comfort and encouragement as we navigate the journey of healing. Here are a few inspiring grief quotes to help you move forward:

• This quote reminds us that experiencing grief is a natural response to losing someone we deeply care about. It acknowledges the depth of our love and emphasizes that mourning is an important part of the healing process.
• Sometimes, we may try to avoid or suppress our grief in an attempt to escape the pain. However, this quote highlights the need to confront our emotions head-on and allow ourselves to fully experience them. By embracing our grief, we can begin the journey towards healing.
• This poignant quote acknowledges that while grief may never completely disappear from our lives, its intensity does evolve over time. It offers hope by reminding us that even though we may always carry our loss with us, we can find ways to adapt and create meaning amidst our sorrow.
• Maya Angelou’s words remind us that although loss brings immense pain, it also teaches us valuable lessons about love and resilience. By cherishing those we hold dear and practicing forgiveness, we honor both ourselves and the memory of our loved ones.
• This metaphorical quote beautifully captures the unpredictable nature of grief. It encourages us to embrace the ever-changing emotions that arise during our healing process and to develop resilience in navigating through them.

These grief quotes offer solace, perspective, and hope as we navigate the challenging path of mourning. They remind us that while grief may be an arduous journey, we have within us the strength to move forward with courage and compassion.

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Grief Quotes To Uplift Your Sadness

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and it is not uncommon to experience both emotional and physical reactions to the loss. The process of grieving can be different for everyone, as can its duration. Although grief can make you feel vulnerable, know that you are not alone. There are support groups and professional counselors with training and experience helping people navigate the grieving process. 

In addition to seeking support through counseling or bereavement groups, you may find it helpful to read what others have to say about the grieving process. Below are some quotes from famous authors and others who wrote about their experiences with grief.

Quotes about grief and the grieving process

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing. At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want the others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me.” -C.S. Lewis

“When the heart weeps for what it has lost, the soul laughs for what it has found.” - An old Sufi aphorism

“We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it to the full.” -Marcel Proust

“What is there to do when people die, people so dear and rare, but bring them back by remembering.” -May Sarton

"The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief—but the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love." -Hilary Stanton Zunin

"You will lose someone you can't live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn't seal back up. And you come through. It's like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp." -Anne Lamott

"I should know enough about loss to realize that you never really stop missing someone—you just learn to live around the huge gaping hole of their absence." -Alyson Noel, Evermore

"Grief I've learned is just love. It's all the love you want to give but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go." -Unknown

"Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” -Vicki Harrison

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love." -Washington Irving

"Guilt is perhaps the most painful companion to death." -Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

"Those who have suffered understand suffering and therefore extend their hand." -Patti Smith

"There are no happy endings. Endings are the saddest part, So just give me a happy middle And a very happy start." -Shel Silverstein, A Light in the Attic

"Sometimes, only one person is missing, and the whole world seems depopulated." -Alphonse de Lamartine, Méditations Poétiques

"The darker the night, the brighter the stars, The deeper the grief, the closer is God!" -Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment

"It's the kind of heartache you can feel in your bones." -Unknown

"Happiness is beneficial for the body, but it is grief that develops the powers of the mind." -Marcel Proust, In Search of Lost Time

"I think I'll miss you forever, like the stars miss the sun in the morning skies." -Unknown

“Well, here at last, dear friends, on the shores of the Sea comes the end of our fellowship in Middle-earth. Go in peace! I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil.” -J.R.R. Tolkien

“We bereaved are not alone. We belong to the largest company in all the world – the company of those who have known suffering.” -Helen Keller

“Grief can't be shared. Everyone carries it alone; his own burden in his own way.” -Anne Morrow Lindbergh

“Time heals griefs and quarrels, for we change and are no longer the same persons. Neither the offender nor the offended are any more themselves.” -Blaise Pascal

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal." -Richard Puz

“Bereavement is a universal and integral part of our experience of love.” -C. S. Lewis

"Grief is the price we pay for love." -Queen Elizabeth II

"To weep is to make less the depth of grief." -William Shakespeare, Henry VI, Part II, Act II

"While grief is fresh, every attempt to divert only irritates. You must wait till it be digested, and then amusement will dissipate the remains of it." -Samuel Johnson

"Tears are the silent language of grief." -Voltaire

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." -Winnie the Pooh

"Believe me, every heart has its secret sorrows, which the world knows not, and oftentimes we call a man cold, when he is only sad." -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

"There is no grief like the grief that does not speak." -Henry Wordsworth Longfellow

"Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them." -Leo Tolstoy

Advice from grief quotes

Sometimes our source of light comes from unexpected places in times of loneliness and darkness. If you are in a season of grief, witnessing the experiences of other people's journeys—even in written form—can be helpful. Although your journey through grief may be unique, you may find solace in these inspiring quotes and words from great thinkers who have felt the way you feel now.

• "When someone you love dies, and you're not expecting it, you don't lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time—the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes—when there's a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she's gone, forever—there comes another day, and another specifically missing part." -John Irving, A Prayer for Owen Meany
• "To spare oneself from grief at all cost can be achieved only at the price of total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness." -Erich Fromm
• "We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey." -Kenji Miyazawa
• "Grief is the last act of love we can give to those we loved. Where there is deep grief, there was great love." -Unknown
• "No matter how long it's been, there are times when it suddenly becomes harder to breathe." -Unknown
• "The pain passes, but the beauty remains." -Pierre Auguste Renoir
• "It is perfectly okay to admit you're not okay." -Unknown
• "Grief never ends… But it changes. It's a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith… It is the price of love." -Unknown
• "That's all it takes. The smallest reminder and in an instant, it feels like your stomach has fallen thirty stories and crashed into the steel roof of a truck. Loss is cruel like that, the days you think you're finally past it are the days it will punish you most." -Beau Taplin, The Punishment
• "The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not 'get over' the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal, and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again, but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to." -Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and John Kessler
• "A feeling of pleasure or solace can be so hard to find when you are in the depths of your grief. Sometimes it's the little things that help get you through the day. You may think your comforts sound ridiculous to others, but there is nothing ridiculous about finding one little thing to help you feel good in the midst of pain and sorrow!" -Elizabeth Berrien, Creative Grieving: A Hip Chick's Path from Loss to Hope
• "Deep grief sometimes is almost like a specific location, a coordinate on a map of time. When you are standing in that forest of sorrow, you cannot imagine that you could ever find your way to a better place. But if someone can assure you that they themselves have stood in that same place, and now have moved on, sometimes this will bring hope." -Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Seeking help with grief

If you are experiencing symptoms of grief, it may help to speak with a licensed therapist who has experience helping people with the grieving process. In some cases, grief can progress into mental health concerns, such as depression and PTSD . According to Harvard Medical School, “Up to 50% of widows and widowers have depression symptoms during the first few months after a spouse's death. (By the one-year mark, the proportion is down to 10%.)” 

Online therapy for the grieving process

If feelings of grief make it difficult to leave home to see a therapist, you might consider online therapy. With online therapy, you can talk to a counselor from the comfort of your home in a way that’s most comfortable for you—via audio, video, or live chat. Some people report that talking to a therapist from a distance makes it easier for them to express what they’re experiencing.

Numerous peer-reviewed studies demonstrated the effectiveness of online therapy. One meta-analysis of 17 studies found that online therapy was more effective than in-person counseling at reducing symptoms of depression. 

If you’re having trouble managing the symptoms of your grief and it’s starting to affect your ability to function, you may find it helpful to speak with a licensed online counselor at BetterHelp. Below are some reviews of BetterHelp therapists from people who have experienced grief and the loss of a loved one.

Counselor reviews

"She has helped me work on my grief and self-esteem more than anything or anyone. Her words and advice help me every single day. I still have a long way to go but I already feel better and I couldn't have done it without Carissa."

"Sarah is a kind person that listens intently, focuses on issues, and then helps find successful strategies to deal with those issues. Never once did I feel that she was judging me or talking down to me. She was easy for me to open up too, she was professional, and she took me seriously. Together we discussed issues of loss and grief from the passing of my father, which had become more than I could handle alone. She not only validated my feelings of loss, but she also helped me find ways to mitigate those feelings, break them down into their roots and causes then address those. Coping with grief and loss is hard work, but Sarah helped me find the tools I needed within myself to do that hard work and ultimately find success. I am a stronger person now. I am happy and confident. I may not know what is around the next corner, but I know that whatever it is, I can handle it."

What is a quote about grieving someone?

Here are some quotes about grieving a loved one: 

• "Without you in my arms, I feel an emptiness in my soul. I find myself searching the crowds for your face - I know it's an impossibility, but I cannot help myself." - Nicholas Sparks, Message in a Bottle
• "There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief." - Aeschylus
• "It's so curious: one can resist tears and 'behave' very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses." - Colette

What is a powerful quote about sorrow?

Here are some powerful quotes about sorrow and loss: 

• "Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break." - William Shakespeare
• "Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve." - Earl Grollman

What are some uplifting quotes?

Here are some quotes that you may find uplifting while grieving a loved one: 

• "What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes part of us." - Helen Keller 
• "You will survive, and you will find purpose in the chaos. Moving on doesn't mean letting go." - Mary VanHaute

What is a classic quote about grief?

Here are some classic quotes about grief: 

• "Grief is the price we pay for love." - John Green
• "We must know the pain of loss; because if we never knew it, we would have no compassion for others, and we would become monsters of self-regard, creatures of unalloyed self-interest. The terrible pain of loss teaches humility to our prideful kind, has the power to soften uncaring hearts, to make a better person of a good one." - Dean Koontz 'The Darkest Evening Of The Year'

How do you comfort a grieving person quotes?

Encouraging self-care and sharing powerful quotes like these might help comfort a grieving person: 

• "Grief is itself a medicine." - William Cowper
• "Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself." - Deborah Reber.

What is the most meaningful quote ever?

The most meaningful quote will depend on the person reading it. Here are some powerful quotes about grief that you might find meaningful: 

• "There are three needs of the griever: To find the words for the loss, to say the words aloud and to know that the words have been heard." - Victoria Alexander
• "Absence is a house so vast that inside you will pass through its walls and hang pictures on the air." - Pablo Neruda

What is a comforting quote about death?

Here are a couple of comforting quotes about loss and death: 

• "The song is ended but the melody lingers on…" - Irving Berlin
• "Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim." - Vicki Harrison.

What are comfort words for grief?

Offering comforting words for someone who is grieving can be a delicate task, but expressing empathy and support can go a long way. Here are some words of comfort you might find helpful:

• "During this difficult time, may you find moments of peace amidst the pain. I'm here for you, offering my deepest condolences."
• "Grief is a heavy burden to bear, and it's okay to take each step at your own pace. Lean on those who care about you for strength and support."
• "I can't fully understand the depth of your pain, but please know that I care about you. Your loved one's memory will forever live on in the hearts of those who knew them."

How do you say you are always remembered?

Here are a few expressions to convey the sentiment that you will always remember someone: 

• "Your presence is forever etched in our hearts."
• "You will be fondly remembered, always."
• "In our thoughts and memories, you will remain ever-present."

What are 5 positive quotes? 

Here are some positive quotes: 

• "You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream." - C.S. Lewis
• "When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure." - Author unknown
• "Difficulties in life are intended to make us better, not bitter." - Dan Reeves
• "Every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day." - Alice Morse Earle
• "Happiness is beneficial for the body, but it is grief that develops the powers of the mind." - Marcel Proust
• Bereavement Quotes For Connecting With Your Grief Medically reviewed by Arianna Williams , LPC, CCTP
• Exploring Grief Counseling Techniques & Tips Medically reviewed by Andrea Brant , LMHC
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from the Billy Graham Library

10 quotes from billy graham on grief, september 6, 2019.

Categories: Billy Graham , In His Own Words

“No matter what your situation may be, God is always with you. You are never completely alone when you know Christ.”

“Remember that God loves you and He has a purpose for all this that we don’t understand at the moment.  None of us can quite figure it out, but God knows, and by faith we leave it in His hands.”

“Even if others don’t understand your grief, God does—and He wants to assure you of His constant love and presence.”

“Grief is like going through a tunnel—and sometimes we wonder if we’ll ever come out the other end. But God has not abandoned you, and He wants to comfort you and assure you that He is with you. Jesus’ words are true: ‘Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.’ (Matthew 5:4)”

“God knows what you’ve been going through, and I want to assure you that He understands your feelings. The Bible reminds us that Christ was ‘a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief’ (Isaiah 53:3, KJV).”

Grief turns us inward, but compassion turns us outward, and that’s what we need when grief threatens to crush us.”

“Even in the midst of our worst times, God has not abandoned us. We may feel overwhelmed by our problems and sorrows — but God is never overwhelmed, nor do they take Him by surprise.”

“Sometimes our way lies in the sunlight. Other times it lies in the path of sorrow. Yet even sorrows turn to blessings when they make us less attached to the world and more attached to God. Then more than ever we discover that Jesus truly is our friend.

“If there is something we need more than anything else during grief, it is a friend who stands with us, who doesn’t leave us. Jesus is that friend.”

“But God loves you, and even in the midst of your grief and loneliness, God wants to fill the empty places in your heart. If you’ve never done so, or if you are unsure, turn to Jesus Christ today and by faith ask Him to come into your life.”

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• Grief Quotes, Prayers & More

45 Shareable Quotes About Grief and Loss

Updated 06/6/2024

Published 01/9/2020

Sherrie Johnson, BA in Liberal Studies

Contributing writer

Cake values integrity and transparency. We follow a strict editorial process to provide you with the best content possible. We also may earn commission from purchases made through affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more in our affiliate disclosure .

Everyone experiences grief and loss differently. But because so many people around the world know what it feels like to lose someone they love, there is a sense of shared understanding.

Whether you’re looking for words to comfort someone you know, or you’re trying to explain the emotions you feel, we hope these shareable quotes will help you out. Share them on your favorite social media platform, through texting, or in an email to let someone know you care.

Jump ahead to these sections:

Short quotes about grief, inspirational or positive quotes about grief, sad quotes about grief, religious quotes about grief, quotes about overcoming or dealing with grief, quotes about grief and love, funny quotes about grief, quotes about different stages of grief, quotes about pet grief.

Sometimes short quotes are the best when you need a quick way to express how you feel or share what you’re going through. These are short enough to quickly post to social media, send via text, or message someone.

1. “We bereaved are not alone.” Helen Keller

This quote is a perfect reminder for when you need to remember that you’re not alone in your grief. Grieving can feel very isolating, but many people understand the pain you experience.

2. “All that live must die, passing through nature to eternity.” William Shakespeare

Whether you’re sure of what comes after death or not, Shakespeare encourages you to think about the reality of an eternity that awaits all who pass away from life on earth.

3. “When one person is missing the whole world seems empty.” Pat Schweibert

Whether you lose a friend, relative, spouse, or close family member, their absence might be keenly felt once they are no longer living. Sometimes, their loss makes you feel like the whole world has gone away.

4. “The reality is that you will grieve forever.” Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross​

While this short line might sound discouraging or disheartening, the fact that you will always bear the marks of suffering doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Dr. Kubler-Ross goes on to say, “You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered.”

5. “Death keeps no calendar.” An English Proverb

In life, you’ll likely experience the phenomenon where some people die at a good old age, full of life, and others pass away in their prime, far too early. Unfortunately, when death comes, it doesn’t look at the calendar or put its meeting on hold.

The quotes listed here offer a different perspective on going through grief. Whether you are looking for encouragement for yourself or you want to console someone , these inspirational quotes should help.

6. “Grieving doesn't make you imperfect. It makes you human.” Sarah Dessen

Grieving is the way people process loss and death. You should never feel like you can’t be real or authentic when you grieve. Cry if you need to, be alone for a while, or do something good for yourself. Grieving looks different for everyone, but everyone should feel free to process the loss of someone or something they loved.

7. “Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives.” Andrew Sachs

When you’re grieving the loss of someone you loved, remember how they lived. Their loss is felt so keenly because they had an impact on your life. Think about the many ways their life has influenced yours and honor their memory in this way.

8. “Death is the dropping of the flower that the fruit may swell.” Henry Ward Beecher

This quote could be a tremendous encouragement for those who believe that death brings something greater - such as eternal life. Beecher encourages us to remember that death is simply the closing of one chapter so the next chapter can begin.

9. “Our dead are never dead to us until we have forgotten them.” George Eliot

Grief hurts, but as long as you hold onto a person’s memory, they are never completely gone. Sometimes, thinking of a person and their unique personality and life is the best way to keep them alive.

10. “Loss and possession, death and life are one. There falls no shadow where there shines no sun.” Hilaire Belloc

The shadows of death are difficult to deal with, but where there are shadows, the sun has brightly shined. Remember your loved one’s life and the rays of sunshine they brought into your life.

Grief can be difficult to explain to those around you. Share one of these sad quotes to help others understand what you’re experiencing.

11. “Grief is the price we pay for love.” Queen Elizabeth II

Queen Elizabeth II, the Queen of England and numerous commonwealth nations, ought to know what she is talking about with this quote. She and her beloved Prince Philip had been married for 73 years at the time of his death. They loved deeply, and now the Queen grieves the passing of her husband deeply.

12. “There are no happy endings. Endings are the saddest part, So just give me a happy middle And a very happy start.” Shel Silverstein from A Light in the Attic

This is one of many grief poems that attempt to shed light on the process of loss and feelings of grief. According to Silverstein in this poem, endings such as death are never happy. However, each person can focus on having a “happy” or good life before they die.

13. “The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.” Harriet Beecher Stowe

Stowe encourages us to do and say the things that often get put off. Once someone is gone, you can no longer tell them how you feel, apologize, or do something you wanted to do for them. Make the most of today by telling those around you that you love them, that you’re sorry, or how much you appreciate their presence.

14. “The loss of a friend is like that of a limb; time may heal the anguish of the wound, but the loss cannot be repaired.” Robert Southey

This death of a friend quote can help you explain to others how you’re feeling after you lose a close friend.

15. “Even the best of friends cannot attend each other’s funeral.” Kehlog Albran

Every friendship must come to a close on earth, and this quote is a stark reminder of this fact.

Religious quotes can bring comfort, provide perspective, and help you through difficult times when dealing with loss and grief.

16. "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." Matthew 5:4

This is one of many Bible verses about grief . Share this to comfort someone you know or post it on your social media page as a reminder for yourself.

17. “Grief is a sign that we loved something more than ourselves...Grief makes us worthy to suffer with the rest of the world." Joan Chittister

Reminiscent of Queen Elizabeth II’s quote, grief is often a demonstration that we loved deeply. Sharing in grief also gives us the unique ability to comfort others going through a loss of their own.

18. “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” II Corinthians 1:3-4

If you’re looking for a Bible verse to give yourself or another person comfort, share these two verses. Not only will God comfort you through your time of loss and grief, but you’ll be able to comfort others when they experience loss, as well.

19. “We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it to the full.” Marcel Proust

It might sound counterintuitive to say that healing only comes by experiencing the full extent of grief, but it does seem like grief only lessens with time as it is fully processed and embraced.

20. “Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings when the dawn is still dark.” Rabindranath Tagore

When you’re in the middle of experiencing grief, it might feel like you’ll never get through it. Hold onto faith that you’ll see light at the end of the tunnel.

Grief is a difficult emotion to process. Use these quotes to remind you that grief is a process, not a single event.

21. "I thought I could describe a state; make a map of sorrow. Sorrow, however, turns out to be not a state but a process." C.S. Lewis

Grief isn’t something you “get over” as many people will say. Instead, it is something you get through, moment by moment, day by day.

22. “You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly – that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.” Anne Lamott

Grief will lessen with time, but it may never fully go away, and that’s okay. Use the lingering grief you feel to remember the person you loved so deeply.

23. “I miss her all the time. I know in my head that she has gone. The only difference is that I am getting used to the pain. It's like discovering a great hole in the ground. To begin with, you forget it's there and keep falling in. After a while, it's still there, but you learn to walk round it.” Rachel Joyce

Grief may be present in your life for a long time to come, but you will learn how to live with it. Healing through grief will come little by little.

24. "Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life’s search for love and wisdom.” Rumi

Experiencing grief and loss often provides us with the ability to comfort others and demonstrate compassion. Use these attributes to honor the one you lost and help others navigate their own grief.

25. “All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.” Havelock Ellis

During life, we hold on to those we love, but when they die, we need to let them go. However, even when they are gone, we can still hold on to their memories.

Grief is often greatest for the one you loved the most. If you’ve recently lost someone you loved, these quotes might ring true for you.

26. "Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation." Kahlil Gibran

Sometimes, you might feel like you find out how deeply you love someone when they are taken away. Keep their love close, even though they are gone.

27. "Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night.” Edna St. Vincent Millay

The loss of someone you love can leave a gaping hole in your life. The hole can’t be filled by anything else, and you’ll likely experience yourself living in that space for a while.

28. "When those you love die, the best you can do is honor their spirit for as long as you live. You make a commitment that you're going to take whatever lesson that person or animal was trying to teach you, and you make it true in your own life. It's a positive way to keep their spirit alive in the world by keeping it alive in yourself." Patrick Swayze

Honor the spirit, passions, commitment, and lessons left by the person you love. So long as you carry their legacy on, they aren’t really gone.

29. "Though lovers be lost, love shall not; And death shall have no dominion." Dylan Thomas

This is an excellent “Gone, but not forgotten” quote. Though the person you love is gone, the love you shared with them will remain. Even death cannot remove someone’s love from your heart. 

30. "Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow, but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief and heals them." Leo Tolstoy

Deeply loving someone means deeply feeling their loss. But because you deeply loved them, their love will help carry you through their loss.

Humor is not always appropriate, but it can have its place in helping process grief. 

31. “Death will be a great relief, no more interviews." Katharine Hepburn

Did the person you love feel like life was running them ragged? They won’t be weighed down by the world any longer!

32. “Let us so live that when we come to die, even the undertaker will be sorry.” Mark Twain

Classic Twain, he wants to make the entire town cry - including the undertaker. Perhaps you can share this with someone who is grieving with you to have a laugh and a cry.

33. “Hardest season to have a dead dad: holiday. Second hardest: tax.” Alyssa Limperis

Comedian Limperis jokingly shared her journey through grief after losing her father. For her, it was a double-whammy: Her dad passed away and taxes were due, but she had no help to finish them.

34. “In this world, nothing can be certain, except death and taxes." Benjamin Franklin

Death is just as certain as taxes. Remember this when grieving, and remember that you’re not alone.

35. “When I die, I want my body to be donated for research, but more specifically, to a scientist who is working on bringing dead bodies back to life." Nikhil Saluja

Wouldn’t it be great if a donation to science meant the return of your loved one in several years?

Grief is a process and each person experiences it differently. These quotes shed some light on the stages of grief.

36. "Grief is a most peculiar thing; we're so helpless in the face of it. It's like a window that will simply open of its own accord. The room grows cold, and we can do nothing but shiver. But it opens a little less each time, and a little less, and one day we wonder what has become of it." Arthur Golden

If you feel helpless to do anything about the grief you feel, know that your experience is normal.

37. “The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again, but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.” Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

It’s okay to acknowledge that grief and loss will change you.

38. “Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.” An Irish Proverb

This saying sums up the experience of grief. Your heartache may not fully heal, but memories of the one you love will never fully fade.

39. “Grief doesn’t have a plot. It isn’t smooth. There is no beginning and middle and end.” Ann Hood

Grief will come and go in waves. It might take you by surprise one day and leave you alone the next. The journey is experienced differently by everyone.

40. “There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” Washington Irving

Tears are a sign of deep love and grief that accompanies loss. Feel free to let these tears flow as you grieve your loss.

Losing a pet is often accompanied by grief, especially when that pet was like another member of the family.

41. “Dogs come into our lives to teach us about love, they depart to teach us about loss. A new dog never replaces an old dog, it merely expands the heart. If you have loved many dogs, your heart is very big.” Erica Jong

Pets take a very special place in our lives and our hearts. With each pet, we learn to love a little more. 

42. “Not the least hard thing to bear when they go from us, these quiet friends, is that they carry away with them so many years of our own lives.” John Galsworthy

Sometimes when a pet dies, it can feel like they take a piece of you with them.

43. “I guess you don’t really own a dog, you rent them, and you have to be thankful that you had a long lease.” Joe Garagiola

This can apply to any pet. We never really own the creatures we call our own, but we can enjoy them for however long they are in our lives.

44. “The bond with a dog is as lasting as the ties of this earth can ever be.” Konrad Lorenz

No matter what type of pet you had, the bond between you may not even get broken by their death.

45. “I have sometimes thought of the final cause of dogs having such short lives, and I am quite satisfied it is in compassion to the human race; for if we suffer so much in losing a dog after an acquaintance of ten or twelve years, what would it be if they were to live double that time?” Sir Walter Scott

We will always want more time with our beloved pets. Here, Scott wonders how much grief and suffering we would experience if our pets lived longer than normal. 

Sharing Grief and Loss

Sometimes the best way to comfort someone or explain what you’re experiencing is by sharing a simple quote. Use the quotes in this article to explain your grief journey or help someone else through theirs.

• “Grief, Loss, and Mourning Quotations.” Grief and Bereavement, Verywell Health, 16 February 2020. verywellhealth.com .
• Kubler-Ross, Elisabeth. “Quotes.” Elisabeth Kubler-Ross Foundation. 2021. ekrfoundation.org
• “Quotes About Grief and Pet Death.” Grief, Simply for Dogs, 9 September 2017. simplyfordogs.com .

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The Journey Through Grief: The Six Needs of Mourning

by Center for Loss | Dec 21, 2023 | Articles

by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

The death of someone loved changes our lives forever.  And the movement from the “before” to the “after” is almost always a long, painful journey.  From my own experiences with loss as well as those of the thousands of grieving people I have worked with over the years, I have learned that if we are to heal we cannot skirt the outside edges of our grief.  Instead, we must journey all through it, sometimes meandering the side roads, sometimes plowing directly into its raw center.

I have also learned that the journey requires mourning.  There is an important difference, you see.  Grief is what you think and feel on the inside after someone you love dies.  Mourning is the outward expression of those thoughts and feelings.  To mourn is to be an active participant in our grief journeys.  We all grieve when someone we love dies, but if we are to heal, we must also mourn.

There are six “yield signs” you are likely to encounter on your journey through grief—what I call the “reconciliation needs of mourning.”  For while your grief journey will be an intensely personal, unique experience, all mourners must yield to this set of basic human needs if they are to heal.

Need 1:  Acknowledging the reality of the death

This first need of mourning involves gently confronting the reality that someone you care about will never physically come back into your life again.

Whether the death was sudden or anticipated, acknowledging the full reality of the loss may occur over weeks and months.  To survive, you may try to push away the reality of the death at times.  You may discover yourself replaying events surrounding the death and confronting memories, both good and bad.  This replay is a vital part of this need of mourning.  It’s as if each time you talk it out, the event is a little more real.

Remember—this first need of mourning, like the other five that follow, may intermittently require your attention for months.  Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you work on each of them.

Need 2:  Embracing the pain of the loss

This need of mourning requires us to embrace the pain of our loss—something we naturally don’t want to do.  It is easier to avoid, repress or deny the pain of grief than it is to confront it, yet it is in confronting our pain that we learn to reconcile ourselves to it.

You will probably discover that you need to “dose” yourself in embracing your pain.  In other words, you cannot (nor should you try to) overload yourself with the hurt all at one time.  Sometimes you may need to distract yourself from the pain of death, while at other times you will need to create a safe place to move toward it.

Unfortunately, our culture tends to encourage the denial of pain.  If you openly express your feelings of grief, misinformed friends may advise you to  “carry on” or “keep your chin up.”   If, on the other hand, you remain “strong” and “in control,” you may be congratulated for “doing well” with your grief.  Actually, doing well with your grief means becoming well acquainted with your pain.

Need 3:  Remembering the person who died

Do you have any kind of relationship with someone when they die?  Of course.  You have a relationship of memory.  Precious memories,  dreams reflecting the significance of the relationship and objects that link you to the person who died (such as photos, souvenirs etc.)  are examples of some of the things that give testimony to a different form of a continued relationship.  This need of mourning involves allowing and encouraging yourself to pursue this relationship.

But some people may try to take your memories away.  Trying to be helpful, they encourage you to take down all the photos of the person who died.  They tell you to keep busy or even to move out of your house.  But in my experience, remembering the past makes hoping for the future possible.  Your future will become open to new experiences only to the extent that you embrace the past.

Need 4:  Developing a new self-identity

Part of your self-identity comes from the relationships you have with other people.  When someone with whom you have a relationship dies, your self-identity, or the way you see yourself, naturally changes.

You may have gone from being a “wife” or “husband” to a “widow” or “widower.”  You may have gone from being a “parent” to a “bereaved parent.”  The way you define yourself and the way society defines you is changed.

A death often requires you to take on new roles that had been filled by the person who died.  After all, someone still has to take out the garbage; someone still has to buy the groceries.  You confront your changed identity every time you do something that used to be done by the person who died.  This can be very hard work and can leave you feeling very drained.

You may occasionally feel child-like as you struggle with your changing identity.  You may feel a temporarily heightened dependence on others as well as feelings of helplessness, frustration, inadequacy and fear.

Many people discover that as they work on this need, they ultimately discover some positive aspects of their changed self-identity.  You may develop a renewed confidence in yourself, for example.  You may develop a more caring, kind and sensitive part of yourself.  You may develop an assertive part of your identity that empowers you to go on living even though you continue to feel a sense of loss.

Need 5: Searching for meaning

When someone you love dies, you naturally question the meaning and purpose of life.  You probably will question your philosophy of life and explore religious and spiritual values as you work on this need.   You may discover yourself searching for meaning in your continued living as you ask “How?” and “Why” questions.

“How could God let this happen?”  “Why did this happen now, in this way?”  The death reminds you of your lack of control.  It can leave you feeling powerless.

The person who died was a part of you.  This death means you mourn a loss not only outside of yourself, but inside of yourself as well.  At times, overwhelming sadness and loneliness may be your constant companions.  You may feel that when this person died, part of you died with him or her.  And now you are faced with finding some meaning in going on with your life even though you may often feel so empty.

This death also calls for you to confront your own spirituality.  You may doubt your faith and have spiritual conflicts and questions racing through your head and heart.  This is normal and part of your journey toward renewed living.

Need 6: Receiving ongoing support from others

The quality and quantity of understanding support you get during your grief journey will have a major influence on your capacity to heal.  You cannot—nor should you try to—do this alone.  Drawing on the experiences and encouragement of friends, fellow mourners or professional counselors is not a weakness but a healthy human need.  And because mourning is a process that takes place over time, this support must be available months and even years after the death of someone in your life.

Unfortunately, because our society places so much value on the ability to “carry on,” “keep your chin up” and “keep busy,” many mourners are abandoned shortly after the event of the death.  “It’s over and done with” and “It’s time to get on with your life” are the types of messages directed at mourners that still dominate.  Obviously, these messages encourage you to deny or repress your grief rather than express it.

To be truly helpful, the people in your support system must appreciate the impact this death has had on you.  They must understand that in order to heal, you must be allowed—even encouraged—to mourn long after the death.  And they must encourage you to see mourning not as an enemy to be vanquished but as a necessity to be experienced as a result of having loved.

Reconciling your grief

You may have heard—indeed you may believe—that your grief journey’s end will come when you resolve, or recover from, your grief.   But your journey will never end.  People do not “get over” grief.

Reconciliation is a term I find more appropriate for what occurs as the mourner works to integrate the new reality of moving forward in life without the physical presence of the person who died.  With reconciliation comes a renewed sense of energy and confidence, an ability to fully acknowledge the reality of the death and a capacity to become reinvolved in the activities of living.

In reconciliation, the sharp, ever-present pain of grief gives rise to a renewed sense of meaning and purpose.  Your feeling of loss will not completely disappear, yet they will soften, and the intense pangs of grief will become less frequent.  Hope for a continued life will emerge as you are able to make commitments to the future, realizing that the person who died will never be forgotten, yet knowing that your life can and will move forward.

Read the book: “The Journey Through Grief”

Wallet Cards: “The Six Needs of Mourning”

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Beyond the 7 Stages of Grief: Examples & What to Expect

February 2, 2024.

Grief is a deeply personal and often unpredictable experience. The "Stages of Grief" model, popularized by Swiss-American Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969, became normalized as a framework to understand this complex emotional journey. But this model, which was previously misinterpreted, and frankly never intended by Kübler-Ross to become a go-to model for grief, has since been reviewed, tweaked, and expanded upon within the mental health landscape. While not a fixed sequence, these stages provide insight into the myriad of feelings one might encounter after a significant loss.

At Resilience Lab , we view these stages as a spectrum of emotional responses, helping individuals find clarity and validation in their experiences of grief. Through this article, we'll delve into each stage, providing examples and insights. We'll also highlight how Resilience Lab’s online therapy services can offer essential support, guiding you through every stage with compassion and understanding. Exploring these grief stages is key in your healing journey, reminding you that you're not alone in this process.

What Is Grief?

Before we can dive into the potential waves of grief that an individual might experience, it is important to start with what grief is. Grief is an intricate and deeply personal emotional response to loss. It's a universal experience, yet one that is uniquely felt and expressed by each individual. Grief can arise from various forms of loss, whether it's the death of a loved one, the end of a significant relationship, loss of health, or even the loss of normalcy and certainty, as experienced globally during times of crisis.

It's important to note, however, that grief can sometimes evolve into a more persistent form known as 'complicated grief'. This occurs when grief extends over a prolonged period, typically over 12 months, and becomes maladaptive, often signaling underlying issues. Complicated grief hinders a person's ability to integrate the loss into their life and move forward, and addressing it is a critical and currently relevant topic in grief counseling and mental health therapy.

At its core, grief is a process of coming to terms with a new reality where something or someone we held dear is no longer present. It involves a range of emotions and reactions, both emotional and physical. People in grief may experience feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, and loneliness. Physically, grief can manifest as fatigue, changes in appetite, sleep disturbances, and other stress-related symptoms.

Understanding grief is crucial because it is not merely an emotional response that fades with time; it's a journey of transformation. This journey can reshape one's understanding of the world, relationships, and oneself. At Resilience Lab, we recognize that navigating through grief is not about 'getting over' the loss but learning how to integrate this experience into your life moving forward.

In this context, the 7 stages of grief model serves as a valuable tool for framing this complex process. It provides a lens through which we can understand the varied emotions and reactions that come with grief. However, it's important to remember that these stages are not linear or the same for everyone. They are, instead, a reflection of the common experiences many may encounter in their unique journey through grief.

What Are The 7 Stages of Grief?

Grief, in its essence, is an intensely personal journey, often unpredictable and varied in its expression. The concept of the "7 Stages of Grief'' provides a framework to understand and navigate through this multifaceted emotional process. Originally developed as the “5 Stages of Grief” by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, these stages were initially conceived to help understand the experiences of patients facing terminal illnesses but have since become a universal tool to describe the grieving process for various types of loss.

It's important to emphasize that these stages of grief are not rigid or sequential steps but rather a collection of common emotional responses that people may experience following a significant loss. The exact stages of grief might differ based on the individual as well as the circumstances. Grief is not a linear occurrence and can be drastically different for different individuals. It is also possible that individuals could experience more or fewer stages of grief or other stages that we don’t directly cover in this article.

Get started with therapy today.

Our team can help you find the right therapist., stage #1: shock and denial.

One stage in the 7 Stages of Grief is characterized by shock and denial. This stage acts as the mind's first layer of defense against a painful reality. When confronted with a loss, it's common for individuals to find themselves in a state of disbelief and numbness. Shock provides emotional protection from being too overwhelmed all at once. This may manifest as a temporary inability to accept the truth of the situation, often accompanied by feelings of disconnection or unreality.

During this stage, one might hear phrases like, "This can’t be happening," or "There must be some mistake." These expressions are indicative of the denial aspect, where the person may refuse to acknowledge the loss or its full impact. This denial serves as a coping mechanism, allowing one's emotions to engage with the loss at a more gradual pace.

However, shock and denial are not just psychological responses; they can have physical manifestations as well. People might experience lethargy, a sense of being emotionally frozen, or even physical numbness.

It's important to recognize that shock and denial are natural and necessary parts of the grieving process. They provide a buffer after the initial impact of the loss, giving the individual time to slowly start processing their emotions.

Shock and denial are not permanent states. As the individual begins to acknowledge and confront the reality of their loss, the initial numbness and disbelief start to fade, leading to the subsequent stages of grief. This transition is a natural progression in the journey towards healing, marking the beginning of emotional processing and acceptance.

Examples and Symptoms of Shock & Denial:

• An individual might repeatedly say, “I can't believe they're gone,” struggling to accept the reality of a loved one or family member's death. ‍
• A person who has lost their job might continue to wake up at their regular time for work, unable to process the change in their daily routine. ‍
• Physical symptoms can include a sense of unreality, sleep disturbances, or a feeling of being emotionally numb or detached.

Potential Feelings During This Stage:

• Confusion and disorientation are common as individuals struggle to understand what has happened. ‍
• Emotional detachment or an absence of feelings, as if the mind has put a protective shield around itself. ‍
• A surreal sensation, where the world seems dreamlike or distant.

In therapy, individuals are supported in navigating the feelings of shock and denial they may experience. This process emphasizes pacing and meeting clients where they are in their grief journey. Therapists provide a safe and understanding space where clients can express their feelings and have their grieving process witnessed and validated. The focus is not necessarily on pushing towards confrontation, but rather on allowing clients to be seen and heard, even if they are in a state of denial. This approach is crucial for gradually moving forward in the grief journey, respecting each individual's unique process and timing.

It's important to remember that the denial stage is temporary and natural responses to grief. They represent the mind's way of making sure we only handle as much as we can cope with at the moment. As this stage fades, individuals often find themselves entering the next stage of grief, with a gradually increasing awareness of the reality and impact of their loss.

Stage #2: Pain and Guilt

Another stage in the 7 Stages of Grief, Pain and Guilt, emerges as the shock and denial wear off. This stage is deeply emotional, marked by the intense, raw pain that accompanies the full realization of the loss. It's a crucial, albeit difficult, part of the grieving process. During this phase, individuals confront the overwhelming sorrow of their loss. Someone who has lost a loved one, for example, might experience uncontrollable crying, a profound sense of sadness, and an emptiness that feels all-consuming. Physical symptoms can also surface, including fatigue, changes in appetite, and disrupted sleep patterns.

Alongside this pain, feelings of guilt often arise, adding complexity to the grief experience. Individuals might find themselves haunted by thoughts of what they wish they had or hadn't done or said. Survivor's guilt is a common phenomenon, where a person feels guilty simply for being alive while their loved one is not. This guilt can extend to regret over not appreciating the person or thing enough while it was present, creating a cycle of remorse and sorrow.

In navigating this stage, the support and guidance provided by therapy can be invaluable. Resilience Lab’s online therapy services offer a compassionate environment where individuals can process their pain and guilt. Therapists help in understanding these emotions, reinforcing the idea that they are a normal part of grieving. They also provide strategies for managing the emotional and physical effects of grief, such as increasing your distress tolerance so you can hold these very difficult, intense emotions. Other strategies may involve harm reduction to minimize any negative effects related to undesirable coping methods you might use, including drinking or self-harm.

Acknowledging and expressing this pain and guilt is essential. It's advised to lean on support systems, engage in self-care practices, and seek professional help as needed. These steps are crucial for healthily moving through this stage of grief, paving the way for eventual acceptance and healing. Local support groups are a great option for navigating this stage and can help to provide personal experiences on the right or wrong way to handle this situation for each individual.

Pain and guilt, while challenging, are integral to the grieving process. They serve as a bridge to subsequent stages, playing a vital role in coming to terms with the loss and beginning the healing journey. It is possible for this intense sadness to transition into a prolonged grief disorder or other related mental disorders because of how complicated grief can be to process for each individual.

Examples and Symptoms of Pain & Guilt:

• An individual might experience intense emotional pain, often expressing feelings of deep sorrow or constant crying. ‍
• Guilt can manifest in thoughts like, “I should have done more,” or “It's my fault,” especially in cases of loss due to death or relationship endings. ‍
• Physical symptoms may include fatigue, nausea, or aches and pains, reflecting the emotional turmoil within.
• Overwhelming sadness and a profound sense of loss are prevalent as the reality of the situation sets in. ‍
• Feelings of guilt and remorse, with individuals often ruminating over what they could have done differently. ‍
• A deep yearning for the lost person or situation, accompanied by a sense of emptiness or despair.

Navigating through the Pain and Guilt stage of grief is a critical part of the healing process. It's a time when individuals begin to confront the full impact of their loss, processing the deep emotions that come with it. This stage is necessary for moving towards acceptance and healing, although it can be one of the most emotionally demanding parts of the grieving journey.

Stage #3: Anger & Bargaining

In this stage of the 7 Stages of Grief, Anger & Bargaining, individuals often grapple with feelings of anger and engage in mental negotiations as part of their coping mechanism. This anger can take many forms, ranging from quiet, simmering resentment to loud, expressive outbursts. It's not uncommon for a person to feel anger towards doctors, friends, family, or even the person who passed away, blaming them for the pain caused by their absence. Although this anger might sometimes seem irrational or misplaced, it's a crucial part of the grieving process, serving as a release valve for pent-up frustrations and pain.

Simultaneously or subsequently, the stage of bargaining often surfaces. This part of the grieving process is filled with “What if” and “If only” statements. Grieving individuals might find themselves mentally negotiating with a higher power, making promises or pleas in exchange for relief from their pain or the return of what they have lost. Bargaining reflects a struggle to find meaning and regain some semblance of control in a situation that feels overwhelmingly uncontrollable.

Navigating through the intense emotions of anger and bargaining can be a challenging aspect of grief. The Anger & Bargaining stage, though often tough to endure, is an essential step toward healing. It allows individuals to process their loss from different emotional angles, paving the way towards eventual acceptance and peace.

Examples and Symptoms of Anger & Bargaining:

• An individual may display anger towards themselves, others, or even the deceased, with outbursts like, “Why me?” or “It's not fair.” ‍
• Bargaining often involves internal negotiations or 'what if' scenarios, such as “If only I had...” or making promises in exchange for the reversal of loss. ‍
• Physical symptoms can include restlessness, agitation, or an increased heart rate as a response to the internal emotional turmoil.
• Intense anger, which may be directed at specific individuals, fate, or life in general, as a way to find blame for the loss. ‍
• Feelings of helplessness and frustration, leading to bargaining as a way to regain control or find meaning in what has happened. ‍
• A mix of regret and hope, where individuals grapple with the reality of the loss while wishing for a different outcome.

Navigating through Anger & Bargaining is an important part of the grieving process. It involves coming to terms with the reality of loss and the emotions that come with it. Recognizing and understanding these feelings as normal and valid is crucial. At Resilience Lab, our therapists have expertise in managing complex emotions like anger and bargaining. They provide personalized guidance using the latest industry methods. Our therapists help clients express and understand their grief healthily, ensuring empathetic and evidence-based support through each unique stage of grief. This holistic, collaborative approach is vital for those journeying through grief with an emphasis on providing a personalized approach for each individual. 

Stage #4: Depression

The fourth stage in the 7 Stages of Grief, known as the Depression Stage, signifies a period of deep sorrow and reflection. This stage typically emerges once the initial shock and chaos of loss have subsided, and the stark reality of the situation sets in. Unlike clinical depression, the depression experienced in grief is a natural and appropriate response to loss, often marked by feelings of intense sadness, hopelessness, and a sense of emptiness.

During the Depression Stage, individuals may withdraw from life, feel a deep sense of loneliness, and ponder the implications of the loss on their lives. It’s common for someone in this stage to feel overwhelmed by the minutiae of daily life, finding little or no pleasure in activities they once enjoyed. For instance, someone who has lost a partner might struggle with the quiet of an empty home, the burden of single parenthood, or the absence of shared routines.

It’s also a time for introspection, where individuals might quietly reflect on the loss and its impact on their future. This introspection can be painful but is crucial for the healing process. Feelings of regret or guilt that were present in earlier stages can resurface, accompanied by a profound longing for what has been lost.

It's important to distinguish this stage from clinical depression. While both share similar symptoms, the depression experienced in grief is directly related to the loss and is a part of the natural grieving process. This stage is not a sign of mental illness but rather an important step towards coming to terms with the loss and finding a way to move forward.

The Depression Stage is a deeply personal and reflective time in the grieving process. It’s a period of coming to terms with the loss and beginning to understand its long-term impact. Although challenging, it's a necessary step towards healing and eventual acceptance.

Examples and Symptoms In The Depression Stage:

• Individuals may withdraw from social activities, lose interest in hobbies or things they once enjoyed, and show signs of deep sadness. ‍
• A significant change in sleeping patterns, either insomnia or excessive sleeping, and changes in appetite, either loss or overeating. ‍
• Physical symptoms like a general slowing down of movement, persistent fatigue, and a feeling of heaviness or sluggishness.
• Profound sadness and a sense of emptiness, as the full extent of the loss becomes more tangible and unavoidable. ‍
• Feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness, often questioning the purpose or meaning of life without the lost person or situation. ‍
• A pervasive sense of loneliness and isolation, feeling disconnected from others and the world around them.

When dealing with grief, Resilience Lab therapists apply specific strategies, such as behavioral activation and symptom assessments, to provide personalized support. They help clients engage in mood-boosting activities and monitor progress with both quantitative and qualitative measures. This approach ensures clients not only process their grief but also make tangible improvements in their emotional well-being. With their expertise in depression, emotional reactivity, and life transitions, our therapists offer evidence-based, goal-oriented therapy, available both virtually and in-person, to navigate this challenging stage of grief with resilience and hope.

Stage #5: The Upward Turn Stage

As individuals navigate through the depths of grief, they eventually reach the fifth stage, known as The Upward Turn Stage. This phase marks a subtle but significant shift in the grieving process, where the intense pain and turmoil of the earlier stages begin to lift. It's a period characterized by a gradual return of calm and more stable emotions, signaling the beginning of adjustment to life without the lost person, relationship, or entity.

In The Upward Turn Stage, the heavy fog of grief starts to clear, and the reality of the loss becomes more manageable. The overwhelming despair and deep sadness that dominated previous stages start to fade, giving way to a renewed sense of hope and energy. For instance, someone who has experienced the loss of a loved one might begin to engage in social activities again, or return to hobbies and interests that were previously set aside in the midst of their grief. It's a time where the day-to-day aspects of life become less burdensome, and the individual might start to look forward to events or activities.

Emotionally, this stage brings a noticeable change. The feelings of sadness, while not entirely gone, are less intense and overpowering. There's an emerging sense of optimism, a belief that things will get better and that there is a way forward. This doesn't imply that the person has 'moved on' or forgotten about their loss, but rather that they are finding ways to live with it and integrate the experience into their life.

The Upward Turn Stage is an important step in the healing journey. It represents a turning point where the acute pain of loss begins to give way to a more hopeful outlook. This stage is a reminder that grief, despite its intensity and challenges, is a journey with a path forward. The emergence of more stable emotions and a sense of hope is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the possibility of healing and growth after loss.

Examples and Symptoms In The Upward Turn Stage:

• A gradual decrease in the intensity of pain and sadness, with moments of calm and clarity beginning to surface. ‍
• Signs of returning to normal activities and routines, with a renewed interest in hobbies and social interactions. ‍
• Physical symptoms may include improved energy levels, more regular sleep patterns, and an overall sense of physical well-being starting to return.
• A sense of relief as the heavy burden of grief begins to lift, allowing for more positive emotions and thoughts to emerge. ‍
• Renewed hope for the future and a growing sense of optimism, even amidst the lingering sense of loss. ‍
• An increasing ability to recall and cherish positive memories of the lost person or situation without being overwhelmed by sadness

In the 'Upward Turn' stage of grief, individuals begin to experience a gradual sense of relief and optimism. There is a time of recognition of the complexity of emotions that accompany this stage, such as relief from the end of a loved one's suffering or the exhaustion of prolonged mourning. Our therapists at Resilience Lab provide personalized care that acknowledges these mixed emotions, ensuring clients do not feel guilty for experiencing relief.

This stage is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, and our therapists are committed to guiding clients through it with empathy, understanding, and evidence-based strategies. The goal is to help clients emerge from the 'Upward Turn' stage with a renewed sense of strength and an understanding that it is possible to find hope and joy after profound grief. Through the Resilience Lab methodology, therapists ensure that progress is not just about feeling better at the end of a session but about making long-lasting changes.

Stage #6: The Reconstruction & Working Through Stage

In the sixth stage of the 7 Stages of Grief, known as The Reconstruction & Working Through Stage, individuals begin to actively rebuild their lives and work through their grief. This stage is characterized by a gradual shift from emotional turmoil to a more pragmatic approach to dealing with the practical realities and consequences of the loss.

During this phase, the intense emotions of grief start to give way to a more rational and problem-solving mindset. Individuals may begin to devise strategies for coping with the challenges brought on by their loss. For example, someone who has lost a spouse may start to focus on logistical aspects like managing finances or household responsibilities alone. There's an emerging sense of empowerment and control, as individuals begin to make plans and set goals for the future, something that might have seemed impossible in the earlier stages of grief.

The Reconstruction & Working Through Stage is also a time for emotional healing. As individuals work through the practical aspects of their loss, they also begin to process and integrate their emotional experiences. This might involve finding new meanings in their loss, establishing a new sense of identity, or redefining their life goals and values. It's a phase where the pain of the loss is still present but doesn't dominate life as it once did.

"In the Reconstruction & Working Through Stage, Resilience Lab therapists provide key support, helping individuals reshape their lives post-loss. They offer individual therapy focused on life transitions, emotional reactivity, and trauma, with a strong emphasis on setting and tracking therapy goals through quantitative and qualitative measures. This stage, pivotal for healing and acceptance, is navigated with Resilience Lab's holistic, evidence-based approach, guiding clients towards long-term positive changes and a renewed sense of purpose.

Examples and Symptoms In The Working Through Stage:

• Individuals start to actively engage in rebuilding their lives, such as making plans for the future or taking on new responsibilities. ‍
• A noticeable shift towards problem-solving, focusing on practical aspects of life and finding ways to adapt to the new reality. ‍
• Physical symptoms may include a return to pre-loss energy levels and a more stable pattern of sleeping and eating.
• A growing sense of empowerment and self-efficacy as individuals begin to see themselves moving forward and making progress. ‍
• An increased ability to process and talk about the loss in a constructive way, integrating the experience into their life narrative. ‍
• Feelings of hope and determination, as individuals start to find meaning and purpose in their life post-loss.

The Reconstruction & Working Through Stage represents a crucial turning point in the grieving process. It's a time when individuals start to take active steps towards healing, both practically and emotionally, often leading to a sense of renewal and growth.

Stage #7: The Acceptance & Hope Stage

Lastly, The Acceptance & Hope Stage represents a profound shift in the grieving process. It is marked by a sense of coming to terms with the loss and looking towards the future with a renewed sense of hope. This stage does not imply that the pain of loss has completely disappeared or that the individual has 'moved on' in a way that forgets the past. Instead, it signifies an understanding that the loss is an irrevocable part of one's life and a willingness to continue living and finding joy despite this.

In this stage, individuals may start to make peace with their loss. The intense feelings of sadness and despair that once dominated their lives begin to diminish, allowing for more consistent moments of calm and stability. This doesn't mean they no longer miss what was lost, but rather that they have integrated this loss into their new reality. For example, someone who lost a loved one may start to speak about them without overwhelming grief, remembering the good times with fondness rather than pain.

The Acceptance & Hope Stage also brings a forward-looking perspective. Individuals may start to plan for the future, engage in new activities or hobbies, or form new relationships. There's often a renewed sense of purpose and a feeling of reconnection with life. The world begins to offer possibilities again, and there’s a greater ability to appreciate and experience joy and happiness.

Emotionally, this stage is characterized by a sense of peace and a gradual return to a more balanced state of mind. The pain of loss remains, but it no longer defines the individual’s entire existence. There's an understanding that grief may re-emerge from time to time, but it's now part of a larger tapestry of emotions and experiences that constitute life.

The Acceptance & Hope Stage exemplifies our remarkable capacity to adapt and find strength even in the face of adversity. It signifies not the end of grief, but a new beginning, where the memories and impacts of the loss are woven into the fabric of life, allowing individuals to move forward with a sense of peace and renewed purpose.

Examples and Symptoms In The Acceptance & Hope Stage:

• A general acceptance of the reality of the loss, acknowledging it as a part of life rather than something to be resisted. ‍
• Individuals may begin to plan for the future with a sense of hope, engaging in new activities or relationships that bring joy and fulfillment. ‍
• Physical symptoms can include a consistent return to normal health patterns, and a sense of rejuvenation or renewed vitality.
• A sense of peace and acceptance regarding the loss, with a decreased intensity of grief-related emotions. ‍
• Feelings of hope and optimism for the future, often accompanied by a renewed sense of purpose or meaning in life. ‍
• A newfound ability to reminisce about the lost person or situation without overwhelming sadness, and a readiness to embrace new experiences.

The Acceptance & Hope Stage is a significant turning point in the grieving process. It marks a transition from a life dominated by loss to one where loss is integrated into a broader narrative of the individual's life. It's a stage where the past and the future can coexist, allowing for continued healing and personal growth.

How Long Do the 7 Stages of Grief Last?

When considering the duration of the 7 Stages of Grief, it's crucial to understand that grief is an intensely personal experience, and thus, the time spent in each stage varies significantly from one individual to another. There is no standardized timeline for grieving, as the process is influenced by various factors, including the nature of the loss, the individual's emotional and mental health, their resilience, and the support systems they have in place. For some, the journey through these stages might span months, while for others, it could extend over several years.

The progression through the stages of grief is also not a linear path. Individuals may find themselves revisiting certain stages multiple times or experiencing multiple stages at once. For example, a person might seem to have reached a state of acceptance, only to find themselves grappling with feelings of anger or depression again during moments of remembrance or on significant dates.

Furthermore, external factors like cultural norms, societal expectations, and the individual's environment can either facilitate or complicate the grieving process. These elements can affect how an individual expresses and processes their grief, impacting the overall duration of each stage.

The role of therapy in navigating grief is invaluable. Therapies, like those offered by Resilience Lab, can provide crucial support during this journey. Therapists can help individuals understand and manage the emotions of each stage, offering coping strategies and guidance to move through the grief in a healthy and constructive manner.

In essence, while the 7 Stages of Grief offer a framework to understand the grieving process, they do not dictate a fixed timeline for healing. Each person's experience with grief is unique, and the journey through these stages is a deeply individual process. Acknowledging and respecting this personal aspect of grief is vital for anyone navigating their way through the complexities of loss and healing.

When to Get Professional Help for Grief

Seeking help from a mental health professional is a constructive step for anyone experiencing grief, regardless of its severity. While it's normal to experience sadness and disruption during grief, support from a therapist can be beneficial even in less severe cases. Resilience Lab offers therapy that helps individuals understand and navigate their grief process, fostering healthy coping mechanisms. This support is not limited to cases of complicated grief but is accessible to anyone seeking guidance through their journey of mourning and healing, helping maintain wellbeing and daily functionality. Seeking help from a therapist is an important step when struggling with grief as well as prolonged instances of grieving such as complicated grief.

Another critical sign is the emergence of persistent feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, or thoughts of self-harm. Such feelings can indicate a deeper mental health concern, like major depression, which requires immediate professional attention. Additionally, difficulties in processing the loss healthily, such as avoiding reminders or excessively ruminating on the circumstances, suggest that professional guidance could be beneficial.

Unhealthy coping mechanisms, including substance abuse or risky behaviors, are also red flags. Resorting to these methods to manage grief can exacerbate emotional pain and lead to further health complications. In such situations, reaching out to mental health professionals can provide the necessary support and guidance to navigate the complexities of grief and help to walk you through the seven stages of the grief process.

At Resilience Lab, the importance of timely and compassionate support for those grieving is well-understood. Our online therapy services offer specialized assistance in grief counseling, creating a supportive and empathetic space for individuals to explore and process their grief. Therapists at Resilience Lab work to equip individuals with coping strategies, helping them rebuild a sense of purpose and hope.

Seeking professional help for grief is a positive step towards healing and self-care. It signifies the recognition of the need for support and a commitment to one’s mental and emotional well-being, reinforcing the importance of addressing grief in a healthy and proactive manner.

If you or someone you know is experiencing a crisis and needs immediate help, please call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

Clinically Reviewed by Christine Carville, LCSW-R. Christine Carville, LCSW-R, is the co-founder and Chief Clinical Officer of Resilience Lab. Christine developed the Resilience Methodology, a trans-theoretical training model for therapists to provide individualized, flexible, trauma-informed care. She has also been teaching at the Columbia School of Social Work since 2016 and continues to maintain her own private psychotherapy practice.

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Remember These 15 Quotes on Grief When It’s Time to Say Goodbye

• By Sarah Barkley
• Published on December 6, 2020
• Last modified May 21, 2023

Saying goodbye to a loved one is likely the hardest part of life. Many quotes on grief explain the pain and suffering involved with this. These quotes on grief can also help you find a way through the darkness and will help you smile again.

It can be easy to stay in the dark when you experience a loss, but it is important to find a way out. Through the wisdom and experience of others, these quotes on grief can help you get through it.

Saying goodbye doesn’t mean you are letting go of someone. You will always have your memories and feelings, and you can cherish these always. Instead, it means acknowledging that they will no longer be a part of your life.

Fifteen Quotes on Grief

When you have to say goodbye, remember these quotes on grief. While the quotes won’t take the pain away, they can give you hope for a brighter future. Plus, they will remind you that you aren’t alone and that you can get through this hard time.

1. “When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.” – Unknown

The memories of your loved ones are something that can never be taken from you. They will be with you always, and they are something you can treasure. These memories tie you to the person you have lost and that feeling can never be lost.

2. “The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.” – Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Grief doesn’t end, even when you work through it. Getting over the death of someone you loved will never happen, but you will learn to adjust. As you heal, you will build a new life, always missing the person but learning to live without them.

3. “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” – Dr. Seuss

Grief comes at the end of something spectacular. Not everyone experiences something so amazing, so smile at the memories that were created. Remind yourself that you were lucky to have had the experience instead of being sorrowful.

4. “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” – Winnie the Pooh

Similar to the previous quote, this one reminds you of how lucky you are to have loved someone so much. To love someone enough to grieve their loss means you had something truly amazing in your life. When you are grieving, make sure to spend time being thankful for having the person in your life.

5. “What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes part of us.” – Helen Keller

Everything precious to you becomes a part of you. The time spent with a loved one and the love you felt for them can never be taken away. Those memories will always be with you, and their contributions to your life will stay with you always.

6. “Those we love don’t go away, they walk beside us every day…unseen, unheard, but always near, still loved, still missed, and very dear.” – Unknown

Just because you can’t see someone doesn’t mean their presence isn’t there. They played a role in the person you are today, so they are always walking with you.

7. “Although it’s natural to forget your power after you lose a loved one, the truth is that after a breakup, divorce, or death, there remains an ability within you to create a new reality.” – Louise Hay and David Kessler

No matter how you have lost the person you love, it can take a toll on your sense of power. Oftentimes, losing someone will leave you feeling out of control of your life, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

Instead, work to create a new normal and build your life the way you want to do it. Then, you will be able to remember that you are in charge of your life. You have the power to create happiness for yourself, even if things seem unbearable right now.

8. “Deep grief sometimes is almost like a specific location, a coordinate on a map of time. When you are standing in that forest of sorrow, you cannot imagine that you could ever find your way to a better place. But if someone can assure you that they themselves have stood in that same place, and now have moved on, sometimes this will bring hope” – Elizabeth Gilbert

Grief can leave you feeling stranded, alone, and like there is no way out. You might feel like you can’t find a way to cope or move on, but you must find a way to do so.

One way to do this is to remind yourself that many others have been through the same thing before. They have lost people they love and still moved forward in life. You can do this too, so find your way out so that you can begin to heal.

9. “When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” – Kahlil Gibran

The thing you are grieving for is likely one of the things that made you happiest. When the grief becomes too much, look in your heart, as Gibran says, and see the happiness, instead. All of the happy memories you made together will be right there whenever you need a reminder.

10. “You will survive and you will find purpose in the chaos. Moving on doesn’t mean letting go.” – Mary VanHaute

While saying goodbye to someone you love is hard, you will get through it. You will learn to live again and to move on. Moving on doesn’t mean letting go, however, because you will always carry the love you feel with you.

11. “And when great souls die, after a period, peace blooms, slowly and always irregularly. Spaces fill with a kind of soothing electric vibration. Our senses, restored, never to be the same, whisper to us. They existed. We can be. Be and be better. For they existed.” – Maya Angelou

While it may seem impossible now, you will experience peace again. Life will become normal, although it will be a new idea of normal, and you will be happy. With this will come the realization that if the person you love existed, then you can get through life and become better.

12. “I learned that, with grief, you have to take it one day at a time and learn how to find the happiness amid the heartbreak.” – Adrienne C. Moore

When you lose someone you love, it is only expected that you will feel heartbroken. There is no magic way to get over it and stop grieving , so you have to keep working on it. Find happy moments whenever you can, and eventually, it will all get easier.

13. “Tears have a wisdom all their own. They come when a person has relaxed enough to let go and to work through his sorrow. They are the natural bleeding of an emotional wound, carrying the poison out of the system. Here lies the road to recovery.” – F. Alexander Magoun

You must allow yourself to grieve and cry when the time is right. This may not happen right away, but once you begin to accept the situation, it will begin. Crying is good, though, because it means that you are healing.

14. “Grief can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life’s search for love and wisdom.” – Rumi

Good things can come from grief, even if that seems impossible right now. If you allow yourself to grieve, you will become wiser and find those who can help you through.

15. “This is not goodbye, my darling, this is a thank you. Thank you for coming into my life and giving me joy.” – Nicholas Sparks

Since it can be hard to say goodbye to someone you love, say thank you instead. You were blessed to have them in your life, and they left you with memories and love. For this, you should be thankful, and that will be easier to express than saying goodbye.

Final Thoughts on Remember these Quotes on Grief When It’s Time to Say Goodbye

When you have to say goodbye to someone you love, you will inevitably experience deep grief. These quotes on grief can help you get through and will remind you of the good in your life. You have to allow yourself to grieve and grow in this situation.

Give yourself time and grace, and remember to take it one day at a time. Eventually, it will get easier, as these quotes on grief explained. Knowing you aren’t alone in this feeling can help, too, so try to find peace in the experiences of others.

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About the Author

Sarah Barkley

Sarah Barkley is a lifestyle blogger and freelance writer with a Bachelor’s Degree in Literature from Baker College.

She is experienced in all things related to parenting, marriage, and life as a millennial parent, but loves to learn new things. She enjoys the research that goes into a strong article, and no topic is off-limits to Sarah.

When she isn’t writing, she is immersed in a book or watching Gilmore Girls. Sarah loves reading classic novels but also enjoys a good thriller.

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Grief Without Heroes: Finding Meaning Beyond the Monomyth

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For further articles on these topics:

One of my favorite grief memoirs is Wave by Sonali Deraniyagala . Fair warning: this is not a book for the faint-hearted. Sonali's entire family—her husband, parents, and two children—died while they were on a holiday in Sri Lanka. I know some criticize when people say, "I can’t imagine," to a griever, arguing it implies, "I am not willing to try to imagine." But guess what—I can’t imagine. I've read her staggering memoir; I have lost my breath reading her story and trying to imagine myself in her place. And still, I cannot imagine. It is incomprehensible.

I'm not alone in my admiration for this book. It was named one of the New York Times Book Review's "Top Ten Books of the Year." Michael Ondaatje called it, "the most powerful and haunting book I have read in years." Yet the review I most remember was one I read just after finishing the book. I went on Amazon to leave a five-star rating and happened to see a one-star review. The reviewer accused the book of being "a story without hope," going on to sanctimoniously proclaim, "there is always hope."

I remember feeling that unresolvable ire that only an internet comment section can bring. A story without hope? Are you kidding me? This woman lost her entire family in a natural disaster. She was with them when it happened. She survived, put her heart-wrenching grief into words, and wrote a book about it, and you think it isn’t HOPEFUL enough?

The Hero’s Journey

Grief therapist and author Bob Neimeyer suggests that in Western society and pop culture the arc of the "hero’s journey" has defined our myths and narratives about grief. As human beings, we are storytellers. Across time, age, race, religion, and culture, it is well-documented that we communicate and connect through stories. Stories help us make sense of the world and remember things. And there is no question that the "hero’s journey" Neimeyer mentions is one of the most common and reassuring narrative arcs.

Masterclass’s Writing 101: What Is the Hero’s Journey? describes the hero’s journey as "a common narrative archetype, or story template, that involves a hero who goes on an adventure, learns a lesson, wins a victory with that newfound knowledge, and then returns home transformed." Joseph Campbell claimed that all mythological narratives share this "monomyth" structure. It is no wonder this arc feels familiar and comforting. It is both painful and hopeful, and perhaps most importantly, it is what we have come to expect.

Do a quick inventory of nursery rhymes and fairy tales - it's the hero’s journey, again and again. Some of our most famous films and books— Star Wars, The Lion King, The Matrix, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Pride and Prejudice —again, hero’s journeys.

The Griever’s Journey

With this ever-present narrative template in mind, I shouldn’t be surprised by the Wave reviewer's grievances. Our social beliefs about grief align with a singular arc. Consider "the 5 stages of grief". Despite the many (many) other grief theories, personal experiences, and grief research that contradict “the 5 stages”, the theory persists in society and pop culture. Why? One theory is that it is appealing to people because it fits grief into the familiar 'monomyth' structure.

Many of our most beloved grief memoirs— The Year of Magical Thinking, Wild, When Breath Becomes Air, H is for Hawk —are hero’s journeys. In their stories, yes, grief is dark, ugly, and messy. But as readers, we suffer along with the authors to be rewarded with their learning, growth, and transformation. Even the symbols associated with grief - rainbows and butterflies - are predicated on a transformation narrative.

When I revisited the negative Amazon reviews for this article, to find the one I remembered about the story lacking "hope," I read through others. The review that had stuck with me was not the only one seeking a hero's journey:

“While I feel for the author and what she went through, the book hopefully did her some good getting all her feelings off her chest. But it did nothing for me the reader except bring me down and keep me down. No life lessons at the end, no resolution of her grief or depression and definitely no happy ending. Will keep her in my prayers as several years later it seems she still can't move on much and is still dealing with her demons. Would not recommend to anyone”

“This book is one of those that you pick up with an excitement of reading (especially when you were recommended) and slowly find yourself skipping some lines, paragraphs, then pages asking yourself "so what? Where is it going? When are you going to be done being resentful and angry and tell me what I expected to learn from you?"

“This book is a study in grief and not the good kind. It should have been a journal, kept for private reflection and shared with a few close friends. I understand the book is based on actual events and the author's reponse to those events but I see no reason to share her grief with us readers. She does not show any growth. She has not yet learned how to move away from her grief, how to live a full life with her losses.”

“I bought this book, as I have others, after the loss of our son, in the hope I could learn something from it. Find a way to make sense of a terrible loss that has seemed random and pointless. However, this author seems unable to deliver any insight into loss. There’s no examination of her feelings, no growth between the first page and the last? Did the author change? Did the book show any evidence she had learned anything between the beginning of the book and the end? Come to any conclusions? Is there any guidance to be found in the pages of this book? I have read this book three times and my answers to these questions are “no”. Ms. Deraniyagala states that her therapist encouraged her to write as therapy and this book is the result of that writing. Therefore, I don’t ask why this book was written, but why was it published? This book is a lament. It is the recording of a horrifically tragic event, and from that point of view, it has worth, but beyond that I see little or no value of the book as something that would be chosen to be made public . . . At the end of the book, all I can think is that the writer had a wonderful, perfect life before the tragedy of the tsunami which took the lives of a quarter of a million people, then afterward she had great difficulty dealing with her life and the aftermath of the tragedy as it affected her. That is all. Where is her horror and sorrow for the others who died, also? Where is the saving grace? Where is the reason for the book? Where is her courage and development? Can we learn anything from her experience of this tragedy? Does this book offer us any guidance? Any knowledge?”

Rather than fly off the handle and declare these reviewers objectively wrong, I've shifted to approaching them from the very Zen 'place of curiosity'. From here, I think they offer us more social and cultural insight about grief. They speak to our culture's often-limited idea of what makes a grief story worth telling. Each suggests that a story is told for the sake of its reader, not its author; they are unified around a desire for growth, meaning, and transformation.

Can we really blame them? We’ve been fed so many hero’s journeys that we’ve come to expect them. Demand them.

But Wave is not a hero’s journey. It is a griever’s journey— real, honest, raw, and messy, with no clear arc of transformation. The takeaway from these one-star reviews: without that arc, your story isn’t worth sharing.

You may think, oh well, no big deal—this criteria just means a few bad reviews and fewer grief stories in the world. But this editing of which grief stories are worth telling then narrows our idea of what grief is, or what it is supposed to be. And if we put those pressures on the grief stories of others, we run the risk of putting them on our own grief stories.

A Grief Hero’s Journey

Many who choose to tell their grief story do so because they feel their story has found the requisite arc. Now, of course, there is no traditional "happy ending" in a grief memoir - there is no possibility of returning home to their loved one. But they almost always have what I'll call the "grief-happy ending": they found meaning in their loss. They have experienced some grand insight or transformation—the coveted "post-traumatic growth" or perhaps a spiritual awakening. They have learned lessons so significant that they are worth writing. When their arc matches the hero’s journey, they feel confident they have a story worth telling.

As humans, the hero’s journey is already a narrative paradigm. As grievers, when the vast majority of grief stories we consume follow this same hopeful arc, we measure our own story against it. We start to believe that if we don't start a memorial charity, celebrate our own growth, or turn into a butterfly, we are failing at grief.

This matters, especially in early grief. Sometimes we emerge from under the boulder of early grief long enough to hear people say how important it is to find this "meaning," and it feels as far off as turning a frog into a prince. It leaves many of us wanting to crawl back into the darkness and give up hope.

One of the things I love about Wave is that it quietly defies the arc of the hero’s journey. It shows us hope through another lens.

If you’ve been thinking of crawling back under that boulder, stick with me for a moment. I have a belief—one grounded in my own grief and years of working with grievers—that we’ve got meaning all wrong. These heroes' journeys and grief narratives have laid out a romanticized path of grand transformations and spiritual awakenings. But that is only one path. Meaning comes in countless shapes, many of which happen in the everyday living of life after loss.

Pauline Boss, the mother of ambiguous grief theory and research, says, "Human experience is meaningful when it is comprehensible to those who are having the experience."

For me, it might be the most important thing anyone has ever said about finding meaning in grief.

When we hear the word "meaning," we often hear it with a capital M. We assume it has to do with finding some greater purpose, some grand significance. Many grievers who share their stories in public-facing ways—in memoirs and podcasts, documentaries and films—do find "Meaning". I am glad for those who find it and I see why it makes their stories so appealing to tell.

But for many of us, finding meaning in grief happens with a lowercase m.

When you lose someone, your personal narrative can feel torn to shreds. You can’t comprehend how this happened, who you are in the world, how you will possibly put one foot in front of the other and go on. There is so much that feels impossible to make sense of or put into words. It is, in every way, incomprehensible.

Then slowly, hour by hour, week by week, year by year, we begin to reconstruct the story of what has happened. We start to recognize who we were before this loss and who we are now. Slowly we see that we are in a constant state of becoming, shaped by grief and shaping our grief. We begin the slow process of mapping this new world without them, finding the words that make our story comprehensible. Maybe not to everyone else; maybe not to anyone else. But comprehensible to us.

It is not only in the happy ending of a hero’s journey or a transformational arc that we should look for meaning. It is in the storytelling itself. "Human experience is meaningful when it is comprehensible to those who are having the experience." The hope lies in our ability to keep breathing, to keep pulling ourselves out of bed in the morning despite the crushing weight of grief, and the perseverance required to slowly begin making the incomprehensible life we are living a comprehensible one.

All of this is to say, your grief may not take the shape of the hero’s journey. That’s ok—your grief is not made meaningful based on whether it birthed a personal transformation or not. You may eventually find meaning there—I hope you do.

But if that feels far off or impossible, that’s ok. Meaning is in the storytelling itself.

"Human experience is meaningful when it is comprehensible to those who are having the experience."

It requires incredible hope and strength to keep going after loss, pulling yourself out of bed in the morning despite the crushing weight of grief. It takes immense perseverance to make your incomprehensible grief story into a comprehensible one. That, in and of itself, is meaningful. Some might even call it heroic.

We invite you to share your experiences, questions, and resource suggestions with the WYG community in the discussion section below.

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After writing online articles for  What’s Your Grief for over a decade, we finally wrote a tangible, real-life book!

What’s Your Grief? Lists to Help you Through Any Loss  is for people experiencing any type of loss. This book discusses some of the most common grief experiences and breaks down psychological concepts to help you understand your thoughts and emotions. It also shares useful coping tools, and helps the reader reflect on their unique relationship with grief and loss.

You can find What’s Your Grief? Lists to Help you Through Any Loss wherever you buy books:

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Related Blog Posts

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What You Really Need to Know About 'Grieving Stages'

34 comments on "grief without heroes: finding meaning beyond the monomyth".

Padma   August 21, 2024 at 7:21 pm Reply

Thank you for this timely article. I have been struggling with this for last 3 years since my only child, my son Kunal passed away at the age of 25 and I found nothing helped, the books, my grief counselor even asked me if I wanted to start charitable foundation!. I tried volunteering and tutoring because Kunal had a passion for reading, but it did not fell like it brings any purpose or meaning to my life. This article and the comments so far gave me the much-needed perspective.

Laurie   August 24, 2024 at 7:37 pm Reply

Hi Padma. I’m so sorry that you lost your son. How terrible. I was always afraid to have children because I knew that if anything happened to them, I would just curl up and die. I lost my husband three years ago this September and I don’t have any other family members except my older sister who’s very ill and I understand what you mean about not even wanting to get out of bed or not caring about things. I’ve tried grief counseling, grief groups, I’m still in one on one counseling three times a week, and nothing seems to help. I’m going to try moving out of this house and actually away from this part of the country and go back to the town where I grew up where all my friends are. That’s the only thing I can think of, but it means I have to leave my sister. She has others to take care of her, but that’s going to be difficult. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I’m so, so sorry and I hope you can find some reason to to go on. The more you love, the more it hurts! 💖😪

Mark   August 21, 2024 at 7:59 am Reply

This is a very interesting article. Two points I would add. Firstly another M word namely motivation. Since mum died from Dementia I do voluntary work in that field, using my knowledge and skills acquired through seven years of caring. Nothing to do with meaning, everything to do with helping other carers as others previously helped me. Nothing heroic just ordinary guy helping out. Secondly I think this attachment to the heroic journey story line explains much of how society deals with those in grief. Pull yourself together, move on, life is to short, get over it, etc, are all manifestations of the heroic journey. Heroes are above feelings are they not……

It is very true to say that grief is a journey. Someone else commented that it is like a wound. It will heal to a degree but you will always carry a scar. Over three years since mum died, the raw grief has abated but the sense of loss and feeling incomplete remains. I now realise that is the price of losing someone you deeply love. The loss is real, I am now incomplete, but I live on and try to honour her good name because of enduring love not the search for meaning.

Anyone reading this is going through grief at some level. My simple message is grief is a very individual experience. Forget about the five steps, or any other all embracing theory on how to deal with it. Accept it will lessen over time but never completely go away. It is part of your life story. How you embrace it, how you move forward, what is important to you, etc, that is the story you write and live. Grief will change overtime but it will remain part of your life and that is okay no matter what others may say. Life is for ordinary people not heroes. My very best wishes to you all.

Linda H   August 22, 2024 at 5:55 am Reply

I felt very judgmental when i read the ‘bad’ reviews of what seems to me to be a remarkable book. I was incandescant at the apparent lack of compassion from these reviewers. I understand more after reading your initial essay. Thank you for your enlightenment.

I am grieving my beloved husband who died at 70yrs from the complications of Dementia. last April. We had been married for 52yrs and the pain of his loss is hard to bear at times. Hope sometimes feels so far out of reach that I Just want to go to be with him. I think I will buy this book thank you.

Laurie   August 24, 2024 at 7:43 pm

Hi Linda. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am that you lost your husband. Dementia is the worst disease imaginable in my opinion. I lost my mom to vascular dementia in 2011 and then in 2017 my husband had a sudden psychotic break which turned out to be from something called Lewy body dementia with Parkinson’s and he was completely psychotic for four years and then he died from complications due to pneumonia from Covid, and he was also starting to choke on his food anyway from the Parkinson’s. We had only been married for 23 years and that wasn’t nearly enough because he was my reason for living. It sounds like you feel the same way about your husband and I’m hoping that both of us can find some reason to go on. Right now I have to stay alive because my older sister is ill with, of course, Alzheimer’s and she also has lupus. I guess, in a way, you’re lucky to have had 50 years, but I’m sure that makes the pain that much deeper because you’ve spent almost your whole life with that person. (And I don’t mean to suggest that you’re lucky! I just mean it’s wonderful that you guys got to have so many years together.) I still can’t believe Bob is gone. My heart goes out to you. I know we will be with our sweethearts again. That’s what I hang onto. Take care. 💖😪

Isla   August 22, 2024 at 5:36 pm Reply

Thank you for this, Mark. I’m sorry about your loss. It’s a testament to both your love for her, and her love as a mother, that you’ve translated great pain into helping other people and honouring her memory.

My dad died on Monday of heart failure. He was 85. I’m heartbroken and racked with guilt. I’m a full time carer to my mother, his wife, who is 80 and very frail. She has dementia. I had a complicated relationship with my dad. We fought, we laughed, we talked politics and fought some more, but we never talked feelings. We were never physically demonstrative as adults. We were very close when I was a kid, but I grew into a prickly and very troubled teen and young woman, and we never recaptured that closeness. For some reason I clammed up emotionally and never felt I could show softness or be weak with him. Even towards the end when I knew he was ill, I still kept things brisk and, in hindsight, horrifyingly impersonal. I can’t make any excuses for myself. He was my rock of sanity, and I never told him I loved him. Maybe because I feel like I’d been circling the abyss for the last few years, and to stop and dwell on feelings at any point might have crippled me completely.

I gave my softness and soft words to my mum. Dad always seemed invincible, even though I knew we were all closing in on terrible loss with the passing of the years. Subconsciously I thought that mum would go first I think.

So now it’s just me and mum and enough guilt to bury me in. I don’t know how I’m going to cope alone and we are very isolated, because she’s housebound and I can’t go out and risk bringing Covid back to her. I’m dreading the future, because she’s now all I have. There’s no other family.

I’m in the dark here, but thank you, sincerely, for pointing out a possible way back into the world if I’m strong enough to get there. I think helping other people might be the only thing that helps me when I find myself alone.

Mark   August 24, 2024 at 10:26 am

Thank you for your kind words said in your very difficult current circumstances. We are strangers but I could not just pass on by without replying. Please accept my comments are said with the very best of intentions.

Please try to let go of the guilt. Regret is part of being alive but try to keep it a small part. You are lovingly caring for your mum, something your dad would be very grateful for. He was aware of that loving care whilst he was alive and I am sure would have been grateful in his heart, even if that was not communicated directly to you. We cannot change past events where the loved one is no longer here. I wish I had told mum more times how much I loved her, but I think my actions spoke the unsaid words. Your caring role does the same I suggest. Try not to listen to that voice of the internal critic, or at least balance it with a reminder of the good you have done and continue to do.

I cannot advise to much as each person’s grief experience is unique to them. Are there any friends or neighbours you can turn to at this time for human contact? My path might work for you at the appropriate time but, please remember it took me several years to start to develop my path in a meaningful way. My initial grief was intense, increased by the isolation of COVID lock downs. I found writing down my experiences and feelings, reading and meditation helped me the most initially. Perhaps you could write down what you wish you had said to your dad. There is something that eases intense emotions if we get them down on paper. I was dubious when I first read that via this website, but it did do me a lot of good. Your private journal, no one else sees it and you do not have to keep reading it. Just writing your thoughts and feelings down it seems is the key.

Sorry I can only offer words, which always seem inadequate. I guess it is the sentiment in which they are said that is important. Thank you for caring for our mum, as one carer to another. Dementia caring I suggest is he toughest, with so many emotional as well as physical demands. I close in wishing you well for the future.

Laurie   August 24, 2024 at 7:57 pm

Hi Isla. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. I hope you don’t mind me commenting on your feelings of guilt. I just wanted to let you know that I, too, suffer from so many different kinds of guilt with various relationships in my life. I had a lot of trauma growing up and I didn’t even know I was an emotional mess until after my husband became psychotic from Lewy body dementia with Parkinson’s, and he was ill for four years, and then died, and looking back, I realized that our lack of intimacy was entirely my fault, and it stemmed from various reasons in my childhood. Anyway, I, too, was never emotionally connected to my dad and I have always blamed him because he never spoke to me or picked me up when I was a kid and then he left and married someone else when I was 10. But I found out just a few years ago that when I was very small, he apparently tried to pick me up and hold me, and my mom would scream at him to put me down. She had psychological issues. Anyway, I feel terrible now that I never tried to get close to my dad later in life. I thought he hated me. Anyway, I understand guilt because I’m very prone to it, but as you know, it doesn’t do any good. So here’s the question I ask myself every time I start beating myself up: did I do it on purpose to hurt the other person? if the answer is no, then I know I need to stop it because clearly we cannot control what we are not aware of. I know it sounds trite, but maybe you can try to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship with your dad. And you talked about helping people, but look what you’re doing for your mom. My mom had dementia also, but we had to put her in a facility because I had chronic fatigue syndrome at the time and my older sister has lupus. Now my sister has Alzheimer’s also,, so here’s my third go-around with dementia. It’s so draining and it’s so wonderful of you to care for your mom like that. It’s really a labor of love and you are a warrior. I hope you can love yourself and I wish for both of us that we can get rid of this guilt. You know, only kind people feel guilty. We need to remember that. Take care of yourself , and remember you can only help others if you take good care of yourself first. I’m terrible at that too. 😊 I hope I don’t sound preachy. I don’t mean to be. P. S. My dad died in January 2021 of Covid and complications from hip and heart surgery. He fell (I live 1800 miles from where I grew up, so I was nowhere near him.) and his four stepsons neglected to call me and tell me. they claimed they couldn’t find my phone number! They took him to the hospital and at age 93 had him undergo heart surgery and hip surgery because the surgeon said he probably wouldn’t live through the hip surgery otherwise. They didn’t even have power of attorney! I was his only next of kin. They called me two days before he passed to tell me he was dying and he had pneumonia and couldn’t even talk. I don’t even even know if he heard me on the phone or not. I don’t know why I’m telling you this, but I guess I just wanted to tell someone who loved their dad. Wouldn’t it be great if we could do our lives over knowing what we know now? But I know you will see your dad again, and he has already forgiven you everything. By the way, for a while while I was doing some volunteer tutoring and it did help me a bit. Right now I’m too tired dealing with my sister, but I think I will do that in the future. Again, take care of yourself. 💖😪🦋

J. Paul Everett   August 18, 2024 at 4:22 am Reply

This thought is not original with me. It was promulgated by a mining engineer named Oswald Swallow from South Africa who attended the Creative Problem Solving institute in Buffalo, NY for many years as did I. He gave the following definition for Purpose:

Purpose is:

Meaning Made Important All Depending on You.

Meaning is Difference. The Difference that some thing (like a cup) or some one makes in the specific context just now.

Made Important; We make something or some one important by focusing or giving our life’s time, just now.

All Depending On You: You feel that the needed outcome is your responsibility and you give it your attention and life’s time.

I have personally found his teaching to be a powerful thought throughout my life since I learned it. It is especially important in long-term relationships. I am 87. My brilliant and soulful wife of 60 years died July 6, 2022. My grief is deep and profound. No other way to say it right now.

Michael Ferguson   August 17, 2024 at 11:08 pm Reply

I have literary hung on to your newsletters and website for the three years since my love or my life, took her own. Pauline Ross’s quote about human experience is meaningful has been a real revelation for me. I am eternally grateful for this message, and all your others, as they have been a major ministry for me, and has kept me here in this mortal coil far longer than I would have on my own. You, and the tribe, are lovely hearts with feet.

Jen   August 17, 2024 at 8:40 pm Reply

I really appreciate this article. It’s something I have been struggling with, but didn’t really know how to put into words – something I’ve been encountering more, now that I am reading more grief stuff in social media – this tendency to have to make a grief story or any kind of suffering story redemptive or transformative or heroic or transcendent. I have had many death losses, and I have also had about twenty five years of lived experiences with family with brain disorders and use disorders, and just THAT story has been full of repeated and non-transcendent grief and suffering experiences. Early on I was sure that we’d get it figured out and transcend all that. I used to be inspired and motivated by making my story heroic. I’m not any more. It is one of the ways that I have been changed by my suffering. I do believe it has made me more humble and compassionate, because it has made me realize that I exist on a human continuum of suffering experiences. And that long suffering takes a toll on a human. I agree with the point of the article: just telling the story is enough. Surviving is enough. Thank you.

Laurie   August 17, 2024 at 7:50 pm Reply

Wow, I think this needs to be published! You are such an excellent writer and this is filled with so much wisdom and so many profound thoughts, and it speaks to me so deeply. Although I haven’t read the book, I suspect that, in its own way, your analysis of it is as deep as the book itself. Thank you so much for this. I really needed to hear it right now. I think as a culture we are so focused on the goal rather than the journey that our experiences get minimized unless they lead to something, but as you point out, it’s the experience itself that ultimately matters.

Jean   August 17, 2024 at 6:45 pm Reply

Your article regarding society’s expectations for people with loss to experience a hero’s journey was one of the best I’ve read in the past 8 years of searching for meaning. I can’t thank you enough for providing this extremely helpful and supportive perspective on grief and loss. It reminded me of book by Megan Devine, “It’s Okay That You’re Not Okay”. I appreciate how you were willing to challenge the “arc” our stories of grief and loss are supposed to take. If they don’t, we are considered ‘stuck’ or to have Prolonged Grief Disorder. Thank you for having the courage to support Sonali’s book, Wave. I read it, and felt she was so very courageous to ‘tell it like it is’.

Diane   August 17, 2024 at 6:08 pm Reply

I have always looked for answers/ always thought I had to do more to honor their loss! My husband now 16 years gone ( at a young 53) and then my youngest daughter( going on 7 years)! A parent should never have to bury their child! I have those ‘ moments’ still and I’m realizing there is no end to grief it just comes in waves and at the most unexpected times! And perhaps for no particular reason other than it is just that… learning to get up everyday/ function without them to love/ mourn the short cut years they were given / and wonder why I was chosen to continue on! This is the first time I can identify w the explanation! I too agree the scenarios where the meaning is found and the tribute is brought to fruition make me feel I have short changed their lives. I live every day in an attempt to talk about them by name / usually making others uncomfortable but for me it is a way of defining their legacy and acknowledging they did exist! I am always grateful for the years I had w them / humbled by their struggles/ and always hopeful to take the years I have left and carry them in my heart! This article reassured me it does not have to be anything dramatic. Just me continuing on as best I can, for the life I have been given. And living w gratitude and kindness!

Diana Arnett   August 17, 2024 at 3:51 pm Reply

I loved this article. It has been almost 6 years since my husband died. After that my best friend died of covid, then last year my brother died of suicide. I have yet to find Meaning in all of this. So many times I have read and heard how others have found that they can find hope and go on to do such great things with their life. I thought something was wrong with me and now I feel so much better after reading this. Maybe things will change down the road, I don’t know. I can now accept myself the way I am. Thank you.

Cort Engelken   August 17, 2024 at 3:31 pm Reply

Your usual well written, thoughtful and a tad sarcastic article! We share the social work profession together and I was a lit major as an undergrad so I spent four years reading heroic arcs! I’m suspicious you were too. My wife Lorraine who died three and-a-half years ago ( how have I survived that long) was also a lit major. We met in a course entitled “Love and the American Novel” ( true, who could make that up?). And she was a terrific reader. She read broadly and deeply. One of the things I miss most is her yelling: “Listen to this!” I quickly learned that when she said that, she meant it! When she was in hospice care, as long as she could, she kept reading. She has been reading Karl Ove Knausgaard’s novel “My Struggle” for years. It’s 3, 600 pages long and she fell 400 pages short when she passed. She would say (no more yelling) “Listen to this” and then read six pages in a whisper! She read way more heroic arcs than I and when I was reading your piece I was thinking how much she would have liked it and she would have thought and said very clearly: my life was no heroic arc and don’t try to make it into one. Our joy was in the journey! 💜

Maryella Sirmon   August 17, 2024 at 2:38 pm Reply

This is one of the most logical, beautiful, and meaningful essays I’ve read about grief. Thank you.

Sabiha B   August 17, 2024 at 1:39 pm Reply

‘…shaped by grief and shaping our grief’… brilliant! This was a deeply moving piece that gently reminds us to honor the tender rawness of grief, at every stage, in all shapes and forms. Thank you.

Chris A   August 17, 2024 at 1:29 pm Reply

We as Christians have been told that in all things consider it Joy. That they are in heaven , and many more things which for us is true. Yet it doesn’t take away the loss or the pain. A matter of fact these things said can often pull us away from our faith rather then draw us closer. In somethIngs it remains a mystery with no answer to “Why” and at some point to survive we have to become ok with that. In the book Wave, which I haven’t read the peace may take years to come and that’s ok as long as she can live and not be overtaken and go into a ball, not coming out. Grief is painful. My coping was reading all the books, the how to step by step to cross them off, then I would be done finished and ok. Sadly for me and perhaps for all it doesn’t work that way. The more I tried to run the faster it came back like flood. I’ve found that as said by many it’s like an onion skin, peal off one layer and there is another layer under that one. My husband passed suddenly from a heart attack, just before Covid shut down the world in March. With Covid we could not intern his ashes till July. One week before our daughter had a routine (no such word) for the cancer ocular melanoma she’d been diagnosed with 9 yrs before and found it had metastasized to her liver. Twenty two months later she passed. As I told my then 12 yr old granddaughter when she said, no amount of counseling or prayer is going to get me through this, I told her your right. It’s like horrible burn that hurts like hell. It will feel better eventually, but you will always have a scar. There is no timeline. God will be with us but like Jacob we will walk with a limp.

Lizzylou   August 17, 2024 at 12:08 pm Reply

What an insightful piece. It is very true for me the ‘’meaning’ of my grief journey is unique to me, the ways my loved one helped me to recognise my true worth and how our relationship shaped each other to be our best selves. The ‘meaning’ for me is that I do get out of bed each morning and I have the courage to build my ‘B’ life and honour all we had and continue to have by making it the best it can be. This article helps me to see my own hero journey. Thank you

Stephanie Fortune   August 17, 2024 at 12:07 pm Reply

Thank you so much for this profound article. I agree entirely – that society largely feels it is necessary to have hope and find meaning in one’s grief and, if one can’t find it , one is stuck or has prolonged grief. And anything (books or otherwise ) that doesn’t offer that as the end game is not useful. Personally, I can’t relate at all to stories of being transformed or of finding hope. Rather than lifting me up, they depress me and make me feel more hopeless. But I so like your « take » that meaning is in the experience, as Joseph Campbell said. We don’t need to look further than that. That, to me, gives comfort. I look forward to reading Deraniyagala’s book. Thanks again.

Jean   August 17, 2024 at 6:32 pm Reply

Well said Stephanie

Michelle L H   August 17, 2024 at 12:03 pm Reply

WOW thank you for these insights!! It has helped me reconsider and contemplate about if I was to or think my story might be ‘worth’ writing and/or sharing. I lost mt sister Brenda in 2009 age 47 to liver failure from her LONG HARD battle with alcoholism. I lost my sister Annette in 2013 age 48 to suicide, I found her dead of a self-inflicted gunshot wound to her head. And I lost my sister Susan in 2020 age 59 to (domestic violence) first degree murder. I am the lone survivor of our messed up, very abusive childhood, multiple types of abuses and multiple abusers. I deal with survivors guilt as well. My search for meaning, healing and purpose is quite complicated. 😪😢😭 I often hesitate sharing my grief journey and story for fear of hurting and or triggering people. Thank You for letting me share, and I guess I will continue to look for my heros journey with a little more grace and ease and self compassion!!🙂

Laurie   August 17, 2024 at 8:06 pm Reply

Hi Michelle. I felt moved to write to you to let you know how terribly sorry I am about the life experiences you’ve had to go through. I know this gets said all the time, but I can’t even imagine. I, too, I had a very abusive childhood, but there are so many different types and levels of abuse that you can’t really compare them. I have one sister, my half sister, who is 12 years older than I am, and luckily, she escaped most of the abuse, so she’s been my North Star all my life until I met my husband. My sister is now 80 and suffering from lupus and Alzheimer’s and I don’t get to see her very often and I suppose she won’t be around much longer, so I’m dreading that. I lost my husband three years ago to Lewy dementia with Parkinson’s and it’s a good thing my sister was still alive or I wouldn’t be here if you know what I mean. Every day is a struggle, which I’m sure you and pretty much everyone here can relate to. I just wanted to say one thing and I’m not telling you what to do or not do or how to feel or not feel, but when I hear people talk about survivor’s guilt, it always hurts my heart because I know that your sisters would want you to carry on because you’re carrying the torch for all of you. It’s amazing that you made it through all of that abuse and terrible loss and you’re still going. And again, I’m not trying to put any responsibility for you saying that you have to be happy for them or you’ll let them down or whatever because I don’t mean that. I just mean in this moment, for you to even be here telling your story is so inspirational and I don’t mean that in a sentimental way. I just wanted to say that your strength and courage touch me to my core and give me hope. I admire you for sharing. And I hope you continue to share because if others can’t deal with it, then that is their loss. I see you blazing a trail through a forest, holding some kind of a burning torch in your hand with your sisters as shadow figures behind you. You’re amazing. And again, you have my deepest, heartfelt sorrow for everything you’ve had to deal with. Someday I hope we get to know the answers, if there are any, about our experiences. Sending you love. 💖

Michelle L Herron   August 18, 2024 at 9:21 pm

THANK You VERY MUCH Laurie I’m sending you LOTS of Love and well wishes on your healing journey TOO!! Yes honestly one of the things that keeps me clean and sober and determined to continue living and healing and spreading smiles and kindness when I have the opportunities, is believing that my continued healing does honor and help my sisters’ lives!!! And also I cannot bear to put my children through any more unnecessary grief and pain like all three of their Aunt’s deaths. I told them after Susans murder that I vowed to DO MY VERY BEST to leave the planet only by ‘natural causes’! And I hold hope in the fact that I believe we ARE ALL MUCH MORE CONNECTED than we think, and when I continue my healing journey it can help others!! Thank You again for all of your words of guidance and encouragement!! Love and Hugs and PLEASE take GOOD CARE of yourself too.

Lyn   August 17, 2024 at 11:53 am Reply

Oh I needed this article this morning! Grief without heroes. It’s been a year since I lost my husband and 10 since I lost my daughter. Every day is a journey of perseverance in just managing my life and finding my balance again and again.

Jean   August 17, 2024 at 6:34 pm Reply

I hear you Lyn. Lost my only 8 years ago. Finding “Meaning” feels like an area I failed.

Lisa C   August 17, 2024 at 11:43 am Reply

This was the best and most helpful “grief post” I have read. I tragically lost my beloved 21 year old son just 7 months ago and I have yet to find any overarching “Meaning” in my life. I have no desire to start a foundation or volunteer or anything else. I don’t see any kind of “hero’s journey” for me. Nothing I can do or become will in any way make up for the fact that my son’s life was cut short. Yet, here I am. Thank you for putting this perspective on the blog. I really needed to read this.

Nancy   August 17, 2024 at 11:35 am Reply

Great article Litsa. Thank you. This is so true. After my son died I felt this pressure internally, and it came toward me from others as well, often subtly and sometimes almost like a directive. ( ‘you should write a book’ ) I participated in charity walks and other things like it and, while it was a good distraction, it didn’t transform anything in me. Yes. “Human experience is meaningful when it is comprehensible to those who are having the experience.” I attend a group for parents who lost a child to overdose, and I when I listen, and comprehend, and I share and am comprehended, I have moments of light when I see myself and my “story” more clearly and maybe even for a moment, with more compassion.

Mildred   August 17, 2024 at 11:28 am Reply

This comment really resonates with me. It is 2 years ago that my husband died. He was 59. Quite soon after his death I started wrijving short stories. So many things happened to me, so many emotions. Writing is a way to deal with them. After 9 months I started sharing them on Instagram on a closed account. Were I am know in my grief I have the feeling that there is a lot of pain and sadness in me besides the fact that I can enjoy a diner with friends, a film, my children. I don’t know where to go with my life. These things I share. It is just to let people know how it feels for me. There is no arch, no meaning. There is pain, grief and loneliness. I try to live with that and have joyfull moments. I do not think I am going to read The Wave, but I think it is important that it has been written.

Jude   August 17, 2024 at 11:21 am Reply

Wow, wow….your response was just so true and beautifully said….to the negative comment to the writer, of Wave. I haven’t read the book, but I do know grief…..and it’s personal, complicated, and always evolving… not sure what the whole ” Hero ” thing means?? Thanks for all your do, love reading the news letters.

Jennifer   August 17, 2024 at 11:18 am Reply

This. THIS! This is just about the most significant thing I have read about grief. THANK YOU. I am in relationship with several people facing wildly different grief experiences and THESE are the words I can share with EACH of them. So grateful to you.

Jim Santucci   August 17, 2024 at 9:13 pm Reply

What a Fantastic Article!

The societal paradigm of the heros/grievers journey that you poignantly lay out puts a heavy amount of unnecessary pressure on the griever if it is seen through a capital M (and i would say a capital H – for hope as well) perspective only. But acknowledging and embracing the relevance of the small case “m” and “h” really aligns more fittingly with the idea that everyone’s grief (and grief journey) is unique. These are the kind of conversations I often have with the bereaved parent peer support group that I facilitate and now I have some new language and affirmed perspectives to share with them – thank you!

Thanks again for all you do in support of those who are grieving and the community that supports them.

Kim   August 17, 2024 at 11:05 am Reply

People that read this memoir and talk about no hope, have obviously not had losses like this precious mother , wife and daughter.

I saw my youngest daughter die at age 20 and it is something that you never get over.

I wish no parent to ever have to bury a child Or children.

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Many people are inspired by the wisdom in the words of others – here are quotes by well-known identities, and the not-so-famous, whose thoughts can guide the way we view our own circumstances.

• "When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure."  Author unknown
• "If tears could build a stairway,and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to Heaven and bring you home again." Author unknown
• "Although it's difficult today to see beyond the sorrow, May looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow." Author unknown
• "Grief is itself a medicine." William Cowper
• "Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose." from The Wonder Years
• "The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief - But the pain of grief isonly a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love." Hillary Stanton Zunin
• "You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair." Old Chinese proverb
• "Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal." From a headstone in Ireland
• "No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear." C.S Lewis
• "Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity, the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve." Earl Grollman
• "Nothing that grieves us can be called little; by the external laws of proportion a child's loss of a doll and a king's loss of a crown are events of the same size." Mark Twain, 'Which Was The Dream?'
• "There's a bit of magic in everything, and some loss to even things out." Lou Reed, 'Magic And Loss'
• "There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love." Washington Irving
• "There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief." Aeschylus
• "Tears are the silent language of grief." Voltaire
• "Happiness is beneficial for the body, but it is grief that develops the powers of the mind." Marcel Proust
• "There is no grief like the grief that does not speak." Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
• "Grief can't be shared. Everyone carries it alone; his own burden in his own way." Anne Morrow Lindbergh
• "Grief is the price we pay for love." Queen Elizabeth II
• "Given a choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief." William Faulkner
• "Grief changes shape, but it never ends." Keanu Reeves
• "If you've got to my age, you've probably had your heart broken many times. So it's not that difficult to unpack a bit of grief from some little corner of your heart and cry over it." Emma Thompson
• "You don't go around grieving all the time, but the grief is still there and always will be." Nigella Lawson
• "Grief is like a moving river, it's always changing. I would say in some ways it just gets worse. It's just that the more time that passes, the more you miss someone." Michelle Williams
• "Grief knits two hearts in closer bonds than happiness ever can; and common sufferings are far stronger links than common joys." Alphonse de Lamartine
• "The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living." Marcus Tullius Cicero
• "Let no one weep for me, or celebrate my funeral with mourning; for I still live, as I pass to and fro through the mouths of men." Quintus Ennius
• "Tears are sometimes an inappropriate response to death. When a life has been lived completely honestly, completely successfully, or just completely, the correct response to death's perfect punctuation mark is a smile." Julie Burchill
• "You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present." Jan Gildwell
• "As long as I can I will look at this world for both of us. As long as I can I will laugh with the birds, I will sing with the flowers, I will pray to the stars, for both of us." Sascha
• "When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight." Kahlil Gibran
• "There should be a statute of limitation on grief. A rule book that says it is all right to wake up crying, but only for a month. That after 42 days you will no longer turn with your heart racing, certain you have heard her call out your name. That there will be no fine imposed if you feel the need to clean out her desk; take down her artwork from the refrigerator; turn over a school portrait as you pass - if only because it cuts you fresh again to see it. That it's okay to measure the time she has been gone, the way we once measured her birthdays." Jodi Picoult
• "Grieving is a necessary passage and a difficult transition to finally letting go of sorrow - it is not a permanent rest stop." Dodinsky
• "Tears have a wisdom all their own. They come when a person has relaxed enough to let go and to work through his sorrow. They are the natural bleeding of an emotional wound, carrying the poison out of the system. Here lies the road to recovery." F. Alexander Magoun
• "When someone you love dies, and you're not expecting it, you don't lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time - the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes - when there's a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she's gone, forever - there comes another day, and another specifically missing part." John Irving
• "Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break." William Shakespeare
• "No farewell words were spoken, no time to say goodbye, you were gone before we knew it, and only God knows why." Author unknown
• "I'm gone now, but I'm still very near, death can never separate us. Each time you feel a gentle breeze, it's my hand caressing your face. Each time the wind blows, it carries my voice whispering your name. When the wind blows your hair ever so slightly, think of it as me pushing a few stray hairs back in place. When you feel a few raindrops fall on your face, it's me placing soft kisses. At night look up in the sky and see the stars shining so brightly. I'm one of those stars and I'm winking at you and smiling with delight. For never forget, you're the apple of my eye." Mary M Green
• "There are three needs of the griever: To find the words for the loss, to say the words aloud and to know that the words have been heard." Victoria Alexander
• "You will lose someone you can't live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn't seal back up. And you come through. It's like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly - that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp." Anne Lamott
• "Tears water our growth." William Shakespeare
• "Why does it take a minute to say hello and forever to say goodbye?" Author unknown
• "What soap is for the body, tears are for the soul." Jewish proverb
• "Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy." Eskimo legend
• "When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure." Author unknown
• "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." Author unknown
• "Dying is nothing to fear. It can be the most wonderful experience of your life. It all depends on how you've lived." Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
• "The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen." Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
• "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seuss
• "Although it's difficult today to see beyond the sorrow, may looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow." Author unknown
• "If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again." Author unknown
• "We've shared our lives these many years. You've held my hand; you've held my heart. So many blessings, so few tears - yet for a moment, we must part." Author unkown
• "A beautiful colourful rainbow could not exist if it were not for the rain of a grey day - it was born from the very droplets of it." Author unkown
• "In times of grief and sorrow I will hold you and rock you and take your grief and make it my own. When you cry I cry and when you hurt I hurt. And together we will try to hold back the floods of tears and despair and make it through the potholed street of life." Nicholas Sparks 'The Notebook'
• "Without you in my arms, I feel an emptiness in my soul. I find myself searching the crowds for your face - I know it's an impossibility, but I cannot help myself." Nicholas Sparks 'Message In A Bottle'
• "It's so curious: one can resist tears and 'behave' very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses." Colette
• "Time heals old pain, while it creates new ones." Proverb
• "These days grief seems like walking on a frozen river; most of the time he feels safe enough, but there is always that danger he will plunge through." David Nicholls 'One Day'
• "A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses." Anonymous
• "Love is like standing in wet cement, the longer you stay the harder to leave and you can never leave without leaving your marks behind." Author unknown
• "I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too." Chloe Woodward
• "The grave itself is but a covered bridge, Leading from light to light, through a brief darkness!" Henry Wadsworth Longfellow 'The Golden Legend'
• "In my dream, I was drowning my sorrows But my sorrows they'd learned to swim" U2 'Until The End Of The World
• "Every heart has its secret sorrows which the world knows not, and oftentimes we call a man cold, when he is only sad." Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
• "Forgiveness is healing ... especially forgiving yourself." Alyson Noel 'Evermore'
• "Of all Sad Words of Tongue or Pen, the Saddest are these, "It Might Have Been." George Ade 'More Fables'
• "A ton of regret never makes an ounce of difference." Grenville Kleiser 'Dictionary Of Proverbs'
• "That song is sweetest, bravest, best, Which plucks the thistle-barb of care From a despondent brother's breast, And plants a sprig of heart's-ease there." Andrew Downing 'The Sweetest Song'
• "I still miss those I loved who are no longer with me but I find I am grateful for having loved them. The gratitude has finally conquered the loss." Rita Mae Brown
• "Grief is what I feel when someone passes away, Grief is what I feel when I am concerned, Grief is what I feel when I have done wrong, Grief is what I feel when some accident happens, Grief is something that all people have gone through." Brandi Reissig
• "Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die, so let us all be thankful." Buddhist quote
• "Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world." Buddhist quote
• "Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." Buddhist quote
• "May all beings everywhere, Seen and unseen, Dwelling far off or nearby, Being or waiting to become, May all be filled with lasting joy." Buddhist quote
• "Honest listening is one of the best medicines we can offer the dying and the bereaved." Jean Cameron
• "People touch our lives if only for a moment, And yet we're not the same from that moment on, The time is not important, The moment is forever." Fern Bork
• "Our grief is as individual as our lives." Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
• "We must know the pain of loss; because if we never knew it, we would have no compassion for others, and we would become monsters of self-regard, creatures of unalloyed self-interest. The terrible pain of loss teaches humility to our prideful kind, has the power to soften uncaring hearts, to make a better person of a good one." Dean Koontz 'The Darkest Evening Of The Year'
• "We get no choice. If we love, we grieve." Thomas Lynch
• "Say not in grief 'he is no more' but live in thankfulness that he was." Hebrew proverb
• "Everything that has a beginning has an ending. Make your peace with that and all will be well." Buddhist saying
• "We need never be afraid of our tears." Charles Dickens
• "Life is not the way it is supposed to be. It is the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference." Virginia Satir
• "The melody that the loved one played upon the piano of your life will never be played quite that way again, but we must not close the keyboard and allow the instrument to gather dust. We must seek out other artists of the spirit, new friends who gradually will help us to find the road to life again, who will walk the road with us." Joshua Loth Liebman
• "Those things that hurt instruct." Benjamin Franklin
• "The fact that something has happened to a million other people diminishes neither grief nor joy." Author unkown
• "I will welcome happiness for it enlarges my heart; Yet I will endure sadness for it opens my soul. I will acknowledge rewards for they are my due; Yet I will welcome obstacles for they are my challenge." Og Mandino
• "Some people come in your life as blessings. Some come in your life as lessons." Mother Teresa
• "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart." Helen Keller
• "We do not have to rely on memories to recapture the spirit of those we have loved and lost – they live within our souls in some perfect sanctuary which even death cannot destroy." Nan Witcomb

75+ Death Anniversary Quotes & Remembrance Messages

Sometimes, the easiest way to find the words to express your grief is to discover it in the words of others.

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Comfort yourself or a loved one with these death anniversary quotes and messages. You can add them to a greeting card or email, or simply offer them in conversation. Grieving is a long-term process, and it's important to acknowledge it and bring comfort over the years. 

Meaningful Words of Comfort on the Anniversary of a Death

Sometimes, it's difficult to know what to say to someone who is grieving . If you want to comfort a loved one or yourself, these quotes may help.

• 60+ Loving Quotes for the Anniversary of a Mother's Death
• 21 Things to Say on the First Birthday After the Death of a Loved One
• 51 Father's Death Anniversary Quotes to Honor His Memory
• Each day, for 365 days, you have marked your loss with memory. That's a powerful thing, and it makes your connection stronger.
• Some years are just unbearably hard, and yet we bear them. You have shown your strength this year.
• When you left, you took a part of my heart with you. Knowing you are not alone brings me comfort.
• "When he shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will be in love with night and pay no worship to the garish sun." - William Shakespeare
• The first day without you felt like a year, and this year feels like a century. Yet in my memory, I spoke to you only yesterday.
• A year's worth of little moments and reminders has passed. Those moments are a testament to your loss, but they also show the depth of your love.
• In death, we cannot touch our loved ones, but they can still touch us. Grief is how we experience that touch.
• This day is important, and how you feel on it is important, too.
• It is okay to measure the time that has passed since someone has gone. Life has changed. Like measuring birthdays, it's a way to quantify our love.
• This year has shown me that time can pass quickly and slowly all at once.
• Grief is all the love you want to share with someone who's gone. I'm thinking of you during this year that has been filled with love.

Death Anniversary Quotes About Grief

Grieving is a process, and it takes time to move fully through it. These quotes about grief reflect the feelings of coming to terms with the death of a loved one even a year after their death.

• We can measure time, but we cannot measure loss. It has been a year, but there is no way to set a milestone or a limit on the grief. Take your time.
• Anyone who says that time heals all wounds hasn't truly grieved.
• In grief, one year can seem like a few days. Time loses meaning, but our memories never can.
• "Grief, when it comes, is nothing like we expect it to be." - Joan Didion
• Grief is a journey that never completely ends. The scenery changes, and the terrain becomes easier, but there is no point of arrival. That's okay.
• How you loved someone is reflected in how you grieve.
• "You don't go around grieving all the time, but the grief is still there and always will be." - Nigella Lawson
• Saying hello to you was easy. Saying goodbye takes forever.
• "It's like the grief has been covered over with some kind of blanket. It's still there, but the sharpest edges are .. muffled, sort of. Then, every now and then, I lift the corner of the blanket just to check, and ... whoa! Like a knife! I'm not sure that will ever change." - Anne Tyler
• Losing you was difficult. Learning to live without you this year has been even harder.
• "She was no longer wrestling with the grief, but could sit down with it as a lasting companion and make it a sharer in her thoughts." - George Eliot
• Grief is not weakness. It is the strength of someone who must love across the divide.
• There is no getting used to losing someone you love. Once you think you've accommodated the grief, it surprises you in new ways. But you surprise yourself, too, in your ability to withstand it.

Quotes About Beautiful Memories on a Death Anniversary

A death anniversary is a time to remember all the beautiful memories you made together when your loved one was alive.

• Every day for a year, I have been thankful for the time we had together.
• It's been one trip around the sun without the light of your love. I hold your memory as a glimmer in my heart.
• There's nothing quite as sad as the moment when the person with whom you experienced your best memories becomes a memory, too. Keeping that memory alive can bring you comfort.
• Every year you are gone takes me another year farther from the beautiful memories we made together.
• It's as if all the light went out of the world one year ago. Your memory is the nightlight that I need to sleep.
• Today, the memory of your laugh helps ease the ache of a year without you.
• I remembered you in the rustling of leaves beneath my feet. I remembered you in the whisper of falling snow. I remembered you in the song of spring birds. I remembered you in children's summer laughter. You are with me always.
• Your memory has walked beside me for a year, and I'm so grateful for the company.

Death Anniversary Quotes About Your Ongoing Connection

Even after someone dies, your love lives on. These quotes help you remember that connection.

• Even years later, I can feel your fingerprints on my heart.
• Each night this year, as I rest my head on my pillow, I look forward to seeing you in my dreams.
• Although life doesn't last forever, love is eternal. This year has not separated my heart from yours.
• On the anniversary of your death, I am reminded that our hearts and souls are forever intertwined by the love we share.
• Our love lives on, even a year past your death. 
• "Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone." - Mitch Albom
• You live on in me, so we are never apart.
• When I feel lonely, I find the place inside of me where you still dwell.
• "Long after her death I felt her thoughts floating through mine." - Vladimir Nabokov
• It's been a year since I've held your hand in mine, but your heart lives within my body every day.
• There have been so many moments this year when I looked up at the stars and whispered, "I know that was you."
• "All that we love deeply becomes a part of us." - Helen Keller
• You appear to me every day in small ways — the caress of the sun on my cheek, the sight of a beautiful butterfly, your voice rustling on the breeze. 
• "i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)" - e.e. cummings
• We have been physically apart for a year, but you are always with me.
• This past year, I have seen you in everything and know you are with me.

Short Death Anniversary Quotes and Captions

You don't need a lot of words to express your sentiments about the anniversary of someone's death. These short captions can help you express your feelings.

• Always connected across time and space.
• Death didn't part us. You're always in my heart.
• The memory of you is in every breath I take.
• "What you remember saves you." - M.S. Merwin
• Missing you today and holding you close to my heart.
• Years physically apart; your love is always in my heart.
• Feeling your love today from across the divide.
• "Death ends a life, not a relationship." - Jack Lemmon
• Another year since you've been gone, and our connection lives on.
• Who knew I could live an entire year without you?
• I can still feel your arms wrapped around me even a year after your death.
• Every breath for the past year fills me with the memory of you.
• You've been gone a year, but my heart feels like you were here just a minute ago.

Related: Inspirational Poems About Death & Dying

Funeral Anniversary Quotes

The anniversary of a loved one's funeral can be a sensitive time, too. These quotes for the funeral anniversary may help you cope.

• We celebrated your life one year ago, and I've celebrated it in my heart every day since.
• We returned you to the universe on this day, and now I see you everywhere in everything.
• Your funeral was a year ago, and we told you how much we loved you. I've spent all year sending that love to you on the other side.
• We scattered your ashes this time last year, and you became part of the Earth. Now, you are everywhere I go and in everything I do.
• "Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation." - Rumi
• Last year, we sang sad songs, told bittersweet stories, and even laughed a little at our memories. Today, it's the laughter that I remember best of all. 
• We said goodbye a year ago, but in my heart, you never left.
• Bidding you goodbye was the hardest thing I ever did. Now I realize it wasn't goodbye because you live on in me.

Famous Death Anniversary Quotes

The following quotes come from celebrated authors, scientists, and other notable people. They can offer some words of wisdom when it's needed most.

• "In great deeds, something abides. On great fields, something stays." - Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain
• "For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun? And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance." - Khalil Gibran
• "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." - Alfred, Lord Tennyson
• "Death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it." - Haruki Murakami
• "They that love beyond the world cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill what never dies." - William Penn
• "They are not dead who live in the hearts they leave behind." - Tuscarora
• "Mostly it is loss which teaches us about the worth of things." - Arthur Schopenhauer
• "No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away." - Terry Pratchett
• "The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity." - Seneca
• "Our death is not an end if we can live on in our children and the younger generation. For they are us; our bodies are only wilted leaves on the tree of life." - Albert Einstein

Sharing Death Anniversary Messages

If you choose to comfort a friend with these quotes or with bereavement poems and other messages, remember that the grieving process is different for everyone. Take your cues from the person you're supporting. For some people, the best comfort doesn't involve words .

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12 Insights Into Grieving After The Death Of Your Loved One

Understanding Grief is Another Expression of Love

Helping A Grieving Grandparent

12 Insights into Grieving After the Death of Your Loved One By Therese A. Rando, Ph.D., BCETS, BCBT

The journey through grief is different for all of us … we all take our own path.

Someone you love has died. This presents you with one of the most challenging experiences any human being can face—coping with the loss of your loved one in your life. In this article, you will learn about your grief (experiencing your reactions to the loss of your loved one) and your mourning (making necessary readjustments to ultimately fit that loss into your life).

Learning how to grieve healthfully and to mourn so that you can learn to adapt to life in the absence of your loved one, is no simple task. It often requires more work, takes more time and is more impacting than most people anticipate. These 12 insights will help you better appreciate the true realities of your own particular bereavement, respond more effectively to what you encounter in it and have more appropriate expectations of yourself along the way.

Insight #1: Grief is personal and unique.

Your grief is as personal and unique as your fingerprint; no one else will have the same bereavement experience as you and there is not one “correct” way to respond to loss.

There are literally 37 sets of factors that influence any individual’s grief. They combine to make your own bereavement distinct from everybody else’s—even different from that of others in your own family who are mourning the loss of the same person! Although one person has died, you and every other individual mourning that person actually experience different losses. This is because no 2 people can have the exact same relationship with another individual, and it is the loss of that specific relationship that is mourned when the person died. Also, it is because no 2 people ever bring to a situation the same strengths and weaknesses, the same past experiences or the same social and cultural conditioning.

• The nature and meaning of their particular relationship with the person who died.
• Their own personal characteristics and life history.
• The specific aspects of their loved one’s death.
• The social situation surrounding them.
• Their physical state.

Given all of the things that determine a person’s reactions, you can see why there is absolutely no way in which anyone else could grieve or mourn in the very same way as you. For this reason as well, there is no one correct way to respond to loss. While there are some common processes that people must undergo to learn to live healthfully with a major loss, everyone will go about these in their unique fashion.

• Do not let anyone tell you how you need to grieve and mourn.
• Be careful about comparing your experiences with those of others.

Insight #2: You are dealing with more than one loss.

With the death of your loved one, you experience so much more than merely one loss. The losses that go along with or develop as a consequence of your loved one’s death are known as secondary losses.

They are not necessarily secondary in terms of their importance to you, only in terms of their being dependent upon the death of your loved one. Secondary losses, like any other losses, can be either physical (for instance, the loss of a house because you cannot afford to live there anymore) or psycho-social (for example, the loss of a relationship). Part of mourning your loved one means identifying and mourning the inevitable secondary losses that develop for you as a consequence of your loved one’s death.

• The loss of the roles that your loved one specifically had played for you (for instance, spouse, best friend, sexual partner, confidant, cook, co-parent, travel companion).
• The loss of meaning and satisfaction in the role you played in your loved one's life.
• The loss of all of the hopes and dreams you had for and with that person.

Secondary losses in your assumptive world

Importantly, secondary losses can also occur in what is known as your assumptive world. This is the unique set of expectations, assumptions and beliefs that you formerly had held about life, the ways it works, spiritual matters and the existence of your loved ones. With the death of your loved one, you lose all of the assumptions, expectations and beliefs that had been based upon your loved one being alive (for example, “he’ll always be there for me if I need him” or “she will make me a grandparent”).

• your belief in God
• your security in the world
• your expectations about life being predictable and fair

These are additional secondary losses you must deal with over and above the actual loss of that person.

• Over time, identify the secondary losses that come to you as a result of your loved one’s death so that you can mourn them—they are part of your bereavement.
• Work to revise your assumptive world insofar as elements of it are no longer valid or have been shattered because of your loved one’s death.

Insight #3: Don't underestimate your grief.

The depth and breadth of your acute grief reactions to the loss of your loved one should not be underestimated.

• Your feelings about the loss and the deprivation it causes (for example, sorrow, depression, guilt).
• Your product at the loss and your wish to undo it and have it not be true (such as, anger, “searching” for your lost loved one, preoccupation with that person).
• The personal effects caused to you by the assault of this loss upon you (for instance, fear and anxiety, disorganization and confusion, lack of physical well-being).
• Your personal behaviors stimulated by any of the above (including, among others, crying, social withdrawal, increased use of drugs and alcohol).
• Psychologically in your feelings, thoughts, wishes, perceptions and attempts at coping.
• Through your behaviors.
• In your social responses to others.
• Through your physical health.
• it can be so unexpectedly intense
• can make you feel very different than before
• may overtax your normal coping mechanisms
• can sometimes leave you feeling totally numb
• typically involves so many more aspects of your life than you would have expected

For instance, you might be surprised to find that while you may have assumed that you’d have many emotional reactions to your loved one’s death, you didn’t anticipate that you’d have difficulty remembering what you needed at the grocery store or even how to get there. You can be stunned to discover that your normally clear thinking has diminished, your usual sunny disposition has temporarily disappeared, your concern for others has evaporated at this point or that your decision-making abilities are gone for now. The job or personal activities you’ve been engaged in for years might now seem strange and may require much personal effort, if you can muster it at all. These and an infinite variety of other reactions illustrate that with the death of your loved one, for a period of time your world—and your experience of being in it—is different than ever before

• Remember that this is a process and not a state you will stay stuck in. Give yourself permission to express your reactions in ways that work for you.
• Recognize that your reactions may be quite diverse and different than you had anticipated, often making you feel very different than your usual self.

Insight #4: Grief does not solely affect your emotions.

Grief does not mean that you will only be sad. It is a myth that grief solely affects your feelings. Grief is a “whole person” experience, and you probably will notice it affecting most, or all, areas of your life. Some people can cope better in some areas than others (for example, you may be able to control it when you are at work, although you might have more difficulty doing so on the ride home). However, there are plenty of mourners who have difficulty across the board in all parts of their lives.

It is also a myth that sadness is the only emotion you will experience. There are a great many other feelings that can come with the loss of a loved one.

• helplessness
• feeling overwhelmed
• longing for your loved one
• frustration
• feelings of unreality
• abandonment
• fear of going crazy
• impaired concentration
• disorganization
• obsession with your loved one
• avoidance of things associated with the death
• intrusive thoughts and flashbacks
• spiritual distress
• restlessness or agitation
• a sense of meaninglessness

Sometimes you may feel disconnected from others with whom you’ve previously been close. At other times, you can wonder “what’s the use?” and wish that you could die too. While these are not abnormal in the abstract, if you seriously consider suicide or fail to take appropriate care of yourself in such a way that you put yourself at risk for death from illness or injury, then you must seek professional assistance.

Behavioral changes

Additionally, you can expect that your behavior will be affected for a while. Among many possible reactions, you may find that you respond to others differently than you had before. Your behavior could be more disorganized and you might have little interest in those things that were formerly of concern to you. You may cry or, on the other hand, have no ability to shed a tear. You could have sleep problems and appetite changes; develop temporary problems in your personal, social and work functioning; and become physically run down or have specific medical symptoms that indicate stress, depression and anxiety. A lack of feeling of well-being is common. You should be aware that the loss of a loved one leaves you susceptible to illness and injury. As a result, you will need both to monitor yourself and take care of yourself, including getting proper medical care.

• Expect that you will be affected in all, or many, areas of your life.
• Make sure you have proper medical assistance with those reactions that are medical in nature and seek mental health assistance if you are suicidal, self-destructive or worried that your reactions are abnormal.

Insight #5: It takes time.

Your acute grief entails your having to gradually learn the reality of your loved one’s loss, and to appreciate that you cannot grasp that fact or its implications without sufficient time and experiences to “teach” you. Intellectually, you may know right away in your head that your loved one has died. However, it takes much longer to truly recognize this reality and internalize it to where it is something you can understand

24 hours a day, 7 days a week

Even if it is not a sudden death, but particularly if it is, you have to learn that your loved one is no longer here through your experiences of bumping up against the world in their absence. This means that grief and mourning focus not only on your feelings, but also upon your comprehending that your loved one has died and your ultimate making sense of that reality.

Each time you want and need to be with your loved one—to see, touch, hear, taste or smell that person—and you are frustrated in your desire to do so, you “learn” once again that your loved one is dead. In acute grief, each pang of grief, each stab of pain when your expectation, desire or need for your loved one is unmet, brings you yet another “lesson” that your loved one is no longer here. You want to resist it and have the “lesson” not be true. Like a habit you don’t want to relinquish, you don’t want to let go of having your loved one in your life.

After countless times of experiencing an unrequited need to be reunited with that loved one, you learn not to need that person in the same way as before. This is not an all-or-nothing event. It is a process in which you have fluctuating abilities to grasp the reality of the death. This occurs until at some point it becomes a permanent realization for you, despite your wishes to the contrary.

• Understand that much of the painfulness of your bereavement comes from your having to continuously “learn” over a period of time that your loved one has died.
• Expect that it will take you many months, or in the case of sudden death a couple of years, before you can truly and permanently grasp that your loved one is gone and understand the implications of that (while in the interim, you’ll fluctuate in your comprehension of it).

Insight #6: Grief is not the same as mourning.

You need to do more to cope with your loved one’s death than just express your feelings. While many people use the terms grief and mourning interchangeably, they are different in meaning and their distinctions have important implications for you as a mourner.

• Grief is the process of experiencing your reactions to your loss.
• In contrast, mourning is what you do to cope with that loss being in your life.

While mourning commences with your expression of your grief reactions, it then must include much more. This is because merely expressing feelings won’t accomplish what you need to do—which is to make the necessary internal and external changes to be able to incorporate that loss into your ongoing life and learn to live with it.

Mourning demands that over time you make a series of readjustments to cope with, compensate for and adapt to your losses.

• yourself in terms of your relationship with your deceased loved one (you have to move from a here-and-now physical relationship to an abstract relationship).
• yourself (you must make the changes that the death has made necessary in your assumptive world and in your identity).
• your being in the external world (you need to learn how to live healthfully in the new world without your loved one).

Healthy mourning also means that you relearn the world in the absence of your loved one and that you reconstruct meaning in your life in light of this death and what it has brought to you. For all of these reasons, merely expressing your grief without undertaking the necessary changes to fit the loss into your life is simply insufficient in coping with major loss.

Suggestions:

• Over time work to make the necessary readjustments in your relationship with your loved one, in yourself and in your ways of being in the external world so that you can fit this loss into your life.

Insight #7: The circumstances of this death will have a profound influence on you.

One of the strongest elements influencing your grief and mourning is the type of death your loved one experienced.

Sudden death

To whatever extent the death was sudden and unanticipated, you will experience a type of personal traumatization along with your grief. This comes from the death having caught you off-guard and unprepared. Such a death is often shocking, alarmingly disturbing and frighteningly distressing. It acts to increase the problems and distress you experience with the loss, while at the same time temporarily decreasing your coping abilities and psychological functioning. In essence, you have more to deal with and fewer resources to help you do so.

• heightened emotional reactions
• no opportunity to say good-bye and finish unfinished emotional business
• greater disbelief
• a focus on what was happening in the relationship at the time of the death
• a tendency to obsessively review events that led up to it

If you believe that your loved one’s death was preventable, you may feel a need to determine responsibility and secure appropriate punishment for those deemed at fault.

A life-threatening illness

Losing a loved one from a life-threatening illness brings its own issues to your bereavement. You may have undergone a special type of traumatization as you contended with the separation distress evoked by your witnessing of your loved one’s dying. You can have even further traumatization if you were exposed to horrific stimuli (such as sights, smells, sounds) during the illness or were confronted with overwhelming emotions (such as anxiety, guilt, sorrow, depression, anger, helplessness) and/or conflicting demands (for instance, taking care of your dying loved one while still trying to pay attention to other family members).

If, during the illness, you had the understandable wish for it to end or had prayed for respite and relief, after the death you can feel guilty if you fail to appreciate the normalcy of this. The length, course and specific demands of the illness may have left you and your family depleted psychologically, socially, physically and financially. You may not know what to do with your life now that you are no longer a caregiver to a dying person.

• If your loved one died suddenly, get yourself assistance in coping with the personal traumatization you experienced and the extra reactions you have.
• If your loved one died from an illness, develop an accurate appreciation of how illness can affect those left behind and look for ways to rejoin the world if you had spent much of your time care-taking.

Insight #8: Your grief will not proceed in a fixed sequence.

Your grief reactions will not necessarily decline consistently over time or be over in a year, and will not fail to come up again once they subside. Despite popular notions otherwise, there is not a standard series of stages through which you must pass in your grief. Certainly, some reactions do precede others (for instance, if you do not acknowledge the reality of your loss, then you have nothing to mourn). However, for the most part there is not a rigid sequence that unfolds. Along with this, it is not true that grief reactions necessarily diminish in intensity in a straight line over time.

The ups and downs

Depending upon the circumstances of your loved one’s death and your own situation as a mourner, your grief can fluctuate enormously. It may have ups and downs, twists and turns and absences and presences of different reactions as time moves forward. Often mourners can incorrectly believe that there is something wrong with them when they feel worse after feeling better for a while. Many times, this merely reflects their coming out of their shock, their increasing awareness of the reality of the death, or the fact that others are not offering support as they had earlier.

Because different bereavements have such diverse patterns, it is important that you get accurate information before assuming that you’re not normal because your reactions are not consistently diminishing.

There is nothing magical about the one-year period that so many people incorrectly believe should mark the end of your grief. Your grief reactions will subside when it is time for them to do so in your unique situation, not just because 365 days have passed. For some mourners this will have been sufficient time; for others, it won’t have been.

Even after your acute grief reactions are long gone, there may be many times in the future when certain experiences catalyze what are termed "subsequent temporary upsurges of grief" or STUG reactions. These are brief periods of acute grief for the loss of your loved one that are stimulated by something that underscores the absence of your loved one and/or resurrects memories of the death, your loved one or your feelings about the loss. Everyone can expect to have some of these in life after the loss of a loved one. While sometimes they can signal problems, far more often they merely are part of the normal living with the loss of a beloved person.

• Give yourself permission to have your reactions unfold without automatically thinking you are backsliding if you feel worse after feeling better.
• Incorporate into your long-term view that your grief reactions can last longer than a year and that there will be times, long after you have stopped acutely grieving, that your grief reactions will temporarily be resurrected by events in life. This is a normal part of living with the loss of a loved one.

Insight #9: Healthy mourning does not mean "letting go" of your lost loved one.

In our society, there is a curious social phenomenon. On the one hand, we have relationships with dead people all the time. We learn about dead people in history, are influenced by them in philosophy and are moved by them in the arts. We celebrate holidays to remember them, dedicate buildings in their honor and visit museums to see how they lived. In virtually all aspects of our lives, we are in a “relationship” with the dead.

The double standard

However, on the other hand we are told that we have to “get on with life” and “let go and put the past behind.” It seems that in Western society it is acceptable to have a relationship with a dead person as long as you didn’t know that individual personally. This is why you could be criticized for displaying a certain photograph of your departed loved one, but it is permissible to have Princess Diana’s face on a memorial plate hanging on your wall. Clearly, there is a double standard.

• truly recognizes the reality of your loved one’s death and what its implications are for you
• does not keep you from moving forward adaptively in your new life
• talk about that person
• act on their concerns and values
• think about him/her
• consider his/her feelings and perspectives on matters when actions are necessary
• appropriate identification with your loved one
• use tangible objects (such as photographs, videos, mementos, articles of clothing, prized possessions, or jewelry) to be a symbolic mark of his/her existence in your life
• pray to your loved one
• actively recall memories
• enjoy and appreciate life because of having known and loved him/her
• undertake actions to make sure that he/she is remembered and/or that something meaningful comes out of their death
• Discover ways that are healthy and personally meaningful to you in which you can maintain appropriate connections with your loved one, recognizing that others may think this unhealthy.
• If it is important for you, look for ways to take courses of action that can constructively keep your loved one’s memory alive socially.

Insight #10: Others will not understand.

Others will not necessarily understand what you are going through or know how to reach out and support you. Despite the fact that people have lost loved ones from the beginning of time, the human race is not always very effective in consoling and supporting the bereaved. This means that even though you are the mourner, and perhaps extremely overwhelmed and exhausted, you will often have to be the one to summon the energy to educate those around you about what you are experiencing and how they can be helpful to you. Also, because there is so much misinformation about grief and mourning, you have to help these individuals get rid of the incorrect notions so that they can take in more accurate ones.

This is not to discourage you, but to enable you to better understand why some folks may not be doing what you need and why their expectation of you can be so inaccurate. Most of the errors made by others that hurt you stem from a combination of people’s misunderstandings about your experience and from their trying to protect themselves from awareness of what you are undergoing because it is simply too painful and/or scary for them to contemplate.

• Ask for what you need from others.
• Don’t expect others to know what your needs are and what your limits should be.

Insight #11: Do not ignore the children.

Because children do not respond exactly like adults does not mean that they don’t need to be given information about the death or to be included in the family’s activities and discussions around it. Consistently, people underestimate their children’s needs when it comes to bereavement.

• They don’t understand.
• They don’t need to be involved.
• They can easily be brushed off about the topic.
• They are relatively oblivious to the subtle and not-so-subtle distress of others.
• They don’t think and worry about death and what its implications are for them and their loved ones.

Far too often, this results in children failing to receive the necessary communication, information and support that could best help them to contend with their own grief and mourning and that of others.

While it is true that children are in many ways different than adults and do require that their bereavement needs be responded to by adults in fashions that speak to their particular developmental levels, it is also true that children and adults share many things in common. Among these are the need to have their losses acknowledged and to have the support and resources that can best help them to deal with their reactions to the death of their loved one.

Educate yourself

It is beyond the scope of this article to educate in-depth about the needs and experiences of bereaved children. Suffice it to say that it is crucial that the caring adults in a child’s life be aware of the issue in childhood bereavement and respond appropriately to them. Failure to do so can interfere not only with healthy mourning, but also with overall healthy development of the child in general. It is also critical that adults remain aware that one of the most important determinants of a child’s grief and mourning is how that child’s caretaking adults are affected by their own bereavement. For these reasons, it is important that you seek out information about bereaved children and how to assist them from a well-trained physician, clergy person, counselor, funeral director or educator. Often, reputable support groups have this information as well.

• Operate with the knowledge that children do grieve and mourn and that you need to find the most effective ways to support them.
• Appropriately include children in rituals (such as funerals, remembrance services and religious ceremonies), family activities and conversations pertaining to their deceased loved one, but make sure to do it at levels that are suitable for their developmental ages.

Insight #12: Many mourners have the wrong notion about what "recovery" means.

Even if you grieve and mourn in the healthiest ways possible, there will always be an emotional scar that marks the loss of your loved one. Learning to live healthfully with that scar is the very best that a mourner can expect. Like physical scars, the scar of your loved one’s loss reveals that there has been an injury, but does not have to interfere with current functioning. Also, like physical scars, on some occasions there can be pain (for instance, if you bang the scar or the weather is bad), but in general it does not ache or throb.

"Recovery" is a relative term

“Recovery” after the death of a loved one must be put in quotes to illustrate that it is a relative term. It does not mean a once-and-for-all closure in which you complete your mourning and it never surfaces again. There will be numerous times throughout your life when you experience the reactions mentioned earlier and these can be appropriate and expectable.

It's not about closure

Closure is for business deals and bank accounts. It is not for major loss, where the heart and mind typically reflect the notion of forgetting our loved one and seek ultimately to learn how to live with our loss and adjust our lives accordingly in the absence of the person who is gone, but remembered. This does not mean that you would have chosen this loss or that you had been unmoved by it, only that you no longer have to fight it. You take it in the sense of learning to live with it as an inescapable fact of your life. Like many mourners, you can determine to make something good come out of your loss. This is another way to make a positive meaning out of what had been a negative event.

• Look for specific ways in which you can transcend this event. In other words, work to make something good happen out of it.
• Ultimately, healthfully integrate this loss and its effects upon you into your life story, but make it one chapter—perhaps the biggest and most profound—and not the whole book, as it can be when it initially happens.

About the author

Dr. Rando is a clinical psychologist in Warwick, Rhode Island, and the clinical director of The Institute for the Study and Treatment of Loss, which provides mental health services through psychotherapy, training, supervision and consultation. Since 1970 she has consulted, conducted research, provided therapy, written and lectured internationally in areas related to loss, grief, illness, dying and trauma.

Dr. Rando holds a doctoral degree in psychology from the University of Rhode Island and has received advanced training in psychotherapy and in medical consultation-liaison psychiatry at Case Western Reserve University Medical School and University Hospitals of Cleveland. Dr. Rando has published 70 works pertaining to the clinical aspects of thanatology and serves on the Editorial Boards of Death Studies and Omega.

Dr. Rando has been the recipient of many awards for her contributions to the field of thanatology and has appeared on numerous television programs, such as “Dateline,” CBS “This Morning,” “Today Show,” “Good Morning, America,” “CNN & Time,” CNBC “Upfront Tonight” and “The Oprah Winfrey Show.” She has provided commentary for The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, USA Today, Newsweek and U.S. News and World Report, among many others.

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Why Grief is a Journey, Not Just a Step Outside.

• Posted By March 6, 2019

Grief is often described as a journey – how poetic, right? Some days, we wonder why our grief can’t just be as easy as taking a step outside to clear our heads and “get back on the horse”. Remember that grief isn’t just about becoming resilient in the face of loss and quickly finding a new normal, as though we are on a scavenger hunt. Grief is about growing through our loss experiences and continually building our “new normal”.

I feel as though many inspirational quotes can really romanticize grief as a journey by talking about it from the point of what happens when you “get to the top”. Some days, we need inspiration like that. We need to know there’s a “view” to look forward to.

What I will say is that when we talk about grief as a journey, we don’t just think about those “Ohhhh, wow!” moments. We are also talking about the moments when you may feel lost and confused. Grief doesn’t have steps for us to complete or a map for us to follow, so of course we may get a bit lost now and then!

How about when you take a trail you thought would get you to one place, but you really just end up where you’ve already been? These may be the times that grief kind of sneaks up on you and you think to yourself, “Well, I didn’t know this was happening today … ok”. It’s also about the moments where you are tired, dirty, hungry, and want a break. I like to call this grief brain. When things seem to be a bit too much and daily life can tire us out. This is when we really need to focus on self-care. These are some of the hard truths we don’t necessarily like to talk about, because they aren’t pretty, and they may not feel like very hopeful moments.

But what happens when we don’t talk about them? All we see are people’s highlight reels of how wonderfully they are coping and growing, without even trying? That doesn’t seem right. We need to know that not every step of the way is going to be easy. Sometimes we may have to struggle, stop to figure out what trail to take next, wait out the storms. We need to talk about the tough stuff, so we can fully appreciate all the hard work we are doing to grow through these challenges.

But that’s not all that we find on our journeys. Sometimes we find another person walking their own path and we chat for a while. These people can become our friends, our supports, and our companions. Maybe we hike with them and know that even though we are walking the same way, we are both different people and need to do what’s best for us on the trail. Remember that everyone’s journeys look different and there is no right or wrong way to trek through yours.

Now let’s talk about those moments where we find a view that we want to sit down and take in. Maybe it’s a memory or an accomplishment we want to savor for a few moments. Embrace these when you find them – these are very special moments. These are awesome rest stops on the journey, but they are not our destination.

There is no destination. Before we take that as a discouraging comment, think about the pressure that can be lifted from the expectation of “reaching the end” or “finishing your journey”. We will always be on this journey, because isn’t that what life is? So, don’t put a time limit or other expectations on it; grief wasn’t meant to be put in a box off to the side. Give your grief a chance to grow and change with you. Some days it will feel like a big rock in your pack, and other days it might just be a small beautiful stone you keep in your pocket. It’s a part of you. It’s a part of your journey. We don’t get over it, but we can keep Actively Moving Forward in our grief journey.

Written by Kiri Meyer, MS, LPC, NCC

Director of Programming for Actively Moving Forward® (AMF), a HealGrief program

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A Grief That Never Ends: Chronic Sorrow

What does it mean to continuously live with a heavy heart throughout one’s life.

Posted December 14, 2022 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

• Understanding Grief
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• Chronic sorrow is a continuous grief response to non-death-related loss experiences which are reoccurring in nature.
• Living a cyclical experience of loss, uncertainty, and disequilibrium is exhausting and disorienting.
• People who experience chronic sorrow often benefit from the presence of people who can companion alongside them over a long duration of time.

Chronic sorrow refers to a grief response to a non-death-related loss experience that permanently changes one’s life, specifically where the loss experience itself is reoccurring in nature. Chronic sorrow is defined by a pervasive sense of sadness, disruption, and grief. It is the chronicity of feelings that differentiate chronic sorrow from other types of grief, and it is often referred to as a living loss, as it requires a grieving person to continuously readjust their life.

Chronic sorrow is a unique form of distress, as there is no foreseeable end to the loss experience, and it often has a traumatic onset. This term was popularized by an American psychotherapist, Susan Roos, and it was originally introduced by Simon Olshansky in the early 1960s. Olshansky originally utilized the term chronic sorrow to identify the type of distress parents experienced after the birth of a child with a disability.

While it is important to acknowledge that raising a child with a significant disability can be a privilege in many ways, it is equally important to identify how this parental experience can come with many losses for parents who must provide continuous care for the rest of their lives. For parents, there can often be grief around having a child who does not meet sociocultural developmental milestones, and there may be grief for the loss of life as it once was, along with losses around dreams or hopes for the future. Other examples of chronic sorrow may include:

• When a devastating injury, chronic illness , neurodegenerative disease, or any untreatable health condition occurs
• Becoming a long-term caregiver to a spouse or family member
• Experiencing ecological and environmental related grief as the Earth is continuously destroyed
• Situations involving drug addiction , chronic pain , or extreme personality change , or when we (or someone we love) loses an important aspect of their identity

With these types of losses, it is often exhausting and grueling to have to continuously reenter a state of uncertainty and disequilibrium. Additionally, there can be a painful discrepancy between reality and the situation one is in, versus what continues to be hoped for. Chronic sorrow causes significant chaos and dysregulation within a family, and often individuals struggle to find a sense of coherence or meaning within this cyclical loss experience.

Unfortunately, many people who experience chronic sorrow also experience disenfranchised grief , as there is often no societal support, guidance, recognition, or rituals for this type of non-death-related loss. Given the relentless nature of chronic sorrow, many friends and family members also become burnt out in supporting the griever. This often contributes to feelings of isolation for the grieving person, and what feels to be an impossible situation can become even more disheartening and lonesome.

Typically, there are both predictable and unpredictable stressors associated with chronic sorrow, and at its core, chronic sorrow really means to continuously live life with a heavy heart. However, it’s also important to note that people don’t perpetually exist in a state of despair when experiencing a living loss like chronic sorrow. Rather, a person’s grief naturally ebbs and flows ; there will be both good days and bad days. Temporary reprieve is possible.

Chronic sorrow is an understandable (and non-pathological) response to having to face a significant loss experience repeatedly throughout one’s lifespan, and this enduring pain, unfortunately, brings us into the wilderness of grief. However, many who undergo chronic sorrow are surprised to learn how grieving can facilitate greater depth, growth, and maturity. It is possible for devastating losses to co-exist with experiences like connection, joy, and even a sense of meaningfulness in life when people have access to the right support.

People who experience chronic sorrow typically benefit from others who can companion or walk alongside them. This means spending time with people who do not try to take their pain away but can rather acknowledge their grief and hold space for them. People who can offer presence, stillness, or who can witness grief are often great resources for those who experience chronic sorrow. It is important to maintain long-term social connections with people experiencing chronic sorrow, given that this is a living loss that may occur throughout one’s entire lifespan. People experiencing chronic sorrow frequently benefit from intentional grief support from friends and family, and/or professional grief counseling with a licensed therapist who's skilled in supporting more complex grieving experiences.

To find a therapist, please visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory .

Harris, D. (2020). Non-death loss and grief: Context and clinical implications. Routledge.

Roos, S. (2018). Chronic sorrow: A living loss (2nd ed.). Routledge.

Rossheim, B., & McAdams III, C. (2010). Addressing the chronic sorrow of long-term spousal caregivers: A primer for counselors. Journal of Counseling and Development , 88 (4), 477–482. https://doi.org/10.1002/j.1556-6678.2010.tb00048.x

Shelvock, M. (2022). Grieving when no one has died. Psychology Today.

Shelvock, M. (2022). Relearning the world through grief. Psychology Today.

Shelvock, M. (2022). There is no step-by-step formula for grief. Psychology Today.

Shelvock, M. (2022). What's the difference between grief support and grief therapy? Psychology Today .

Mark Shelvock, MACP, is a licensed psychotherapist in Canada and a Certified Thanatologist with the Association for Death Education and Counselling. He also teaches in the Grief Education Program at OISE, University of Toronto.

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12 Stages of Grief: The Expanded Journey Through Loss

• Fact Checked

Written by:

• Eliana Galindo

published on:

• May 22, 2024

Updated on:

• June 20, 2024

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Grief is a deeply personal and complex response to loss that manifests in various emotional, physical, and spiritual reactions.

Traditionally, the grieving process has been conceptualized in stages , with each stage representing different emotions and behaviors experienced by the bereaved.

The concept of 12 stages of grief, although not as widely recognized as the more commonly cited five stages, presents an expanded view of the emotional journey following a significant loss.

Understanding Grief

In exploring the multifaceted nature of grief, we distinguish its essence, categorize its forms, and discern between its typical and complex manifestations.

Grief is a natural response to loss, encompassing a range of emotions that individuals experience when they lose someone or something important. It is non-linear and can vary greatly in duration and intensity.

Loss can be physical , such as the death of a loved one, or symbolic , like the loss of identity or security.

Types of Grief

There are multiple forms of grief, each reflecting the uniqueness of an individual’s relationship to what was lost:

• Anticipatory grief : Occurs before the loss actually happens.
• Delayed grief : A postponed reaction to loss.
• Disenfranchised grief : Not socially recognized or supported.
• Inhibited grief : Suppressed emotions regarding loss.
• Complicated grief : Persistent and debilitating, interfering with normal function.

Normal vs. Complicated Grief

Understanding the intricacies of grief requires acknowledging its unpredictable course and accepting that each person’s journey through it is uniquely their own.

Various factors , including the nature of the loss, the individual’s emotional resilience, and available support systems, influence how one navigates through grief.

The 12 Stages of Grief

The early stages of grief often involve intense emotions and defense mechanisms as individuals struggle to accept and cope with loss.

These stages serve as a coping mechanism, helping them process the complex emotions they encounter.

In the immediate aftermath of a loss, individuals commonly experience shock— a protective emotional and physical reaction that buffers the initial impact.

Shock provides temporary numbing , which may allow people to function initially.

Closely linked to shock is denial, a defense mechanism that entails inability or unwillingness to accept the reality of the situation. This stage often manifests as avoidance , confusion, or evasion of the facts.

Following shock and denial, individuals often confront deep pain and sadness . The stark reality of their situation sets in, bringing intense emotional suffering.

It’s not uncommon for survivors to also experience guilt, pondering “if only” scenarios and lamenting things they did or did not do before the loss occurred.

As the buffering effects of denial and shock begin to wear off, the pain can resurface as anger. This anger might be directed at other people, themselves, or even the one who is lost.

6. Bargaining

Bargaining may follow, with thoughts and negotiations about what one would do if only the loved one could be brought back, or if the event leading to the grief could be undone.

It represents an attempt to regain control over the uncontrollable through hypothetical scenarios.

7. Depression, Reflection, Loneliness

In this phase, individuals grapple with the reality of loss , often experiencing depression. It’s a period marked by deep sorrow and withdrawal from life where one reflects on the past and confronts inevitable loneliness.

Reflection becomes a key component, as the bereaved ponder their lives without the presence of the lost loved one.

8. The Upward Turn

As individuals navigate through grief, they may reach the upward turn.  Signs of improvement  appear slowly as the intensity of pain begins to lessen. 

In this stage, the initial turmoil of grieving subsides, giving way to a more  stable and calm  state of mind, and laying the groundwork for hope and change.

9. Reconstruction and Working Through

The phase of reconstruction and working through involves a  more active  rebuilding of one’s life. Here, one may begin to find  realistic, practical ways  to cope and adjust to a new reality, piecing together a life altered by loss. 

Reconstructing can involve a combination of strategizing, seeking support, and allowing oneself the grace to face  the challenges of coping  in the wake of bereavement.

10. Acceptance

In the acceptance stage, individuals come to terms with the reality of their loss. This understanding acknowledges the change in their lives and the permanence of the loss.

It is essential for mental health, as it allows people to adjust and find stability in their new normal. Acceptance acts as a foundation for rebuilding , enabling further progress in the grieving process.

Following acceptance, individuals may begin to explore hope after loss. Hope does not imply forgetting or replacing what was lost, but it allows one to look forward and envision a life enriched by memories rather than anchored by them.

12. Finding Meaning

The process of finding meaning can be personal and unique , serving as a beacon that guides one through grief to a sense of renewed purpose and mental well-being.

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Coping with Grief

In addressing the multifaceted nature of grief, individuals and their support networks can adopt various strategies to navigate through this challenging time.

Whether through personal coping mechanisms, assisting others, or seeking professional intervention, understanding the appropriate approach is vital to the grief process.

Personal Coping Strategies

One may employ a variety of personal coping strategies to endure the stages of grief , whether it’s the 5 stages of grief, 7 stages of grief, or an extended 12 steps of grief. It’s essential to recognize that these stages are not linear and can happen in any order.

Individual therapy can offer personalized guidance through these stages, enabling one to process grief in a safe, supportive environment.

Additionally, incorporating exercise into daily routines not only promotes physical health but also serves as a potent tool for mental well-being during the grieving process.

Grief Counseling and Therapy

For those seeking more personalized care, grief counseling and therapy provide avenues for one-on-one interaction with a  mental health professional  or  therapist . These sessions are designed to help individuals cope with their grief through tailored strategies. 

Unlike support groups, counseling allows for  a deeper exploration  of personal grief reactions, potentially uncovering underlying issues that group settings may not address. 

When necessary, professional help can extend to  include various therapies , such as  cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT)  or  eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) , to facilitate coping and adjustment.

The Role of Support Groups

Support groups offer individuals a sense of community and solidarity, often becoming a listening ear during times of sorrow.

They operate on the principle that sharing one’s experience with others who have endured similar losses can be inherently therapeutic.

Grief support groups typically facilitate group discussions, allowing members to express their feelings openly and receive collective empathy , which can significantly aid in the healing process.

When to Seek Professional Help

Professional help may be necessary when individuals find themselves overwhelmed or unable to function due to grief.

Signs to look out for include:

• Persistent feelings of depression
• An inability to carry out daily responsibilities
• When grief-related thoughts consume one’s day-to-day life
• The intensity of grief continues to escalate without relief
• Physical symptoms such as persistent fatigue or sleep disturbances affect daily life

Counseling can  provide the tools  needed to cope more effectively with these feelings. Connecting with a professional can help ensure that the grief process  does not hinder  one’s overall health and well-being.

By using online directories such as  Find-a-therapist.com  individuals can  contact licensed therapists  and counselors with the training and experience in addressing grief.

If you’re not comfortable searching for a therapist on your own, you can utilize online platforms like BetterHelp . These platforms match you with a therapist based on your preferences and needs, which are assessed through a short questionnaire.

Frequently Asked Questions

How does the 12 stages of grief model differ from the traditional 7 stages model?

The 12 stages of grief model builds on the foundation of the traditional 7 stages  by adding stages  that might be experienced by individuals. 

These additional stages offer a  more nuanced view  of the grieving process, accounting for feelings such as searching for meaning and realizing hope which are not explicitly labeled in the traditional model.

What is considered the most challenging stage in the grieving process?

While the grieving process is highly individual, many people find the  initial stages  of shock and denial especially challenging, as they come to grips with the loss. 

Other stages like  depression  can also be particularly difficult as individuals confront the deep sadness associated with their loss.

Can the stages of grief occur out of the traditional sequence?

Absolutely , grief is not a linear process and the  stages of grief can occur out of traditional sequence . 

Individuals  may revisit certain stages  multiple times or  may not experience  some stages at all, reflecting the highly personal nature of the grieving process.

How can the 12 stages of grief be applied to a breakup situation?

The 12 stages of the grief framework  apply  to the loss experienced in a breakup situation. 

Individuals  may find themselves cycling  through feelings of denial, anger, bargaining, and eventually moving towards acceptance and hope as they learn to live with the end of the relationship.

Stroebe, M., Schut, H., & Boerner, K. (2017). Cautioning health-care professionals: Bereaved persons are misguided through the stages of grief.  OMEGA-Journal of death and dying ,  74 (4), 455-473. Link .

Avis, K. A., Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (2021). Stages of grief portrayed on the internet: A systematic analysis and critical appraisal.  Frontiers in psychology ,  12 , 772696. Link .

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