dmx hard knock life tour prayer

Cookie banner

We use cookies and other tracking technologies to improve your browsing experience on our site, show personalized content and targeted ads, analyze site traffic, and understand where our audiences come from. To learn more or opt-out, read our Cookie Policy . Please also read our Privacy Notice and Terms of Use , which became effective December 20, 2019.

By choosing I Accept , you consent to our use of cookies and other tracking technologies.

Filed under:

How DMX’s First Tour Helped Usher in a New Era of Hip-hop

The Survival of the Illest Tour came just as X’s popularity exploded. Not only did it capture a young artist on the rise, it also paved the way for massive rap tours that followed.

Share this story

• Share this on Facebook
• Share this on Twitter
• Share All sharing options

Share All sharing options for: How DMX’s First Tour Helped Usher in a New Era of Hip-hop

On Thursday, Ringer Films will debut the latest installment of its HBO Music Box series, DMX: Don’t Try to Understand . Over the next few days, we’re chronicling the rapper’s rise and place in hip-hop history . Today, we’re looking at X’s first headlining tour, which came just as his popularity was exploding and helped change the way rap tours were perceived.

I come to you hungry and tired You give me food and let me sleep ...

On July 18, 1998, DMX took the stage at the Apollo Theater in Harlem. The performance was technically the last date on the Survival of the Illest Tour, though the travelling portion had ended its run of shows a couple of weeks earlier. On the road, DMX performed with a pair of then-unknown teenagers—his hypeman, Drag-On, and his DJ, Swizz Beatz—but for his return to New York, the Apollo stage was filled with people, including record executive/producer Irv Gotti, the Lox, and other members of the Ruff Ryder crew.

Lord, why is it that I go through so much pain? All I saw was black, all I felt was rain ...

Survival of the Illest was a showcase for artists on Def Jam Recordings. Each night featured sets from Onyx and the Def Squad—the trio of Redman, Keith Murray, and Erick Sermon (though the EPMD member didn’t travel to all the concerts). Though those acts included veterans who had sold millions of records, the undisputed headliner of the tour was DMX, hip-hop’s breakout star of the moment. The previous May, he released his debut, It’s Dark and Hell Is Hot , which landed atop the Billboard 200 chart. By the end of 2000, it would be certified four times platinum. Also by the end of December, he would release his second album of the year, Flesh of My Flesh, Blood of My Blood . It too would debut at no. 1 and would eventually be certified three times platinum.

Plenty of times you sent help my way, but I hid And I remember once, you held me close, but I slid…

Though listeners had heard DMX’s growl on record, Survival of the Illest was the first time audiences outside of New York could really see him in person as he emptied out his soul. He rapped explosively and vulnerably about giving into his darkest impulses and the salvation that he hoped he’d find. “DMX was like a broken electric wire around water,” says Lyor Cohen, the president of Def Jam at the time. “It was explosive, and it was just in the infancy of his career.”

And I think I’ve seen it, ’cause I don’t feel the same Matter of fact, I know I’ve seen it, I can feel the change...

At the Apollo show, as Beatz scratched over the instrumental outro to DMX’s breakout single, “Get at Me Dog,” the rapper told the DJ to cut the music, hollering, “Let me fuck with my peoples for a minute! Let me fuck with my peoples for a minute!” Even back then, DMX closed his shows with a prayer, a tradition he would continue until his death on April 9, 2021 , at the age of 50 from a drug-induced heart attack. In the years to come, he would sometimes improvise the prayer in the moment, but on that night, he recited the same one he recorded for It’s Dark and Hell Is Hot , accompanied only by the voices in the crowd shouting it along with him.

And I fear that what I’m sayin’ won’t be heard until I’m gone But it’s all good, ’cause I really didn’t expect to live long So, if it takes for me to suffer for my brother to see the light Give me pain till I die, but, please, Lord, treat him right

Def Jam hired Rick Mordecon to direct a documentary of that night. He had only a couple weeks to prepare and a minuscule budget of about $10,000. Mordecon, a self-described “tattooed Jewish guy,” hadn’t really worked with hip-hop artists before and was skeptical going into the project because of rumors he’d heard about them carrying guns. But as the night came to a close, the audience at the Apollo held hands and wrapped their arms around each other, moved by the love that DMX showed them. “It was the most cohesive, beautiful, emotional experience,” says Mordecon, who befriended the rapper and kept working with him over the years. “I was crying by the end of that concert.”

By 1998, hip-hop was not only pushing itself further into the mainstream, it was doing so with fewer pop concessions, which had previously been necessary. More and more rap videos entered the daily rotation on MTV and BET, not just appearing on the specialty shows. Artists who made their reputation with street records were getting radio airplay. Still, the live-music industry was slow to embrace this shift. Promoters at the country’s biggest venues mostly stayed away from the genre, convinced that audience members up in the cheap seats would be bored watching a guy walk back and forth in front of a pair of turntables. Rappers had a reputation for flouting set times and showing up late, which meant overtime pay for union workers and large fines for breaking a city’s noise curfew. Or they were still spooked by tales of violence dating back to Run-DMC shows in the mid-1980s .

Ron Byrd , who started working in live music in late ’70s with Prince and in the early ’80s with Teena Marie and Rick James, became Def Jam’s de facto tour manager in the mid-’80s after working on Run-DMC and the Beastie Boys’ Together Forever run. He was the tour manager for the Survival of the Illest, Hard Knock Life, and Ruff Ryders/Cash Money tours, and has continued to work with artists from new generations, like Kendrick Lamar, Migos, and Lil Yachty. By the late ’90s he was used to the ways that rap music got shunned. “They used to do tricky stuff, like you couldn’t get insurance,” he says. “It’s not that it was banned, but nobody would insure the show. Some arenas, like the big basketball arenas, they wouldn’t take your booking or they would price you out—they can set whatever price they want for a building. It wasn’t economically viable for a promoter to do a hip-hop show, unless it was underground.”

Looking at Survival of the Illest’s itinerary now, the choice of venues can seem strange, as it jumped from Midwestern clubs with 2,000-person capacities, to buildings in the Northeast usually used by minor league hockey teams, to civic centers of Southern cities in secondary or tertiary markets. “It wasn’t by necessity, but I believe it was by design that [Def Jam] put the artists in those-level buildings,” says Byrd. “We knew we were building something.”

“They knew better than to try to put this in an arena setting or anything like that yet,” he continues. “I don’t care who I start out with—Bone Thugs-n-Harmony, Young Thug, whatever—in touring, nobody ever goes straight to the arenas. The only person that probably went straight to the arenas in the last 20 years is Drake.”

When the Lollapalooza festival started travelling through outdoor amphitheaters at the start of 1990s, it always featured a couple of rap acts—ones like A Tribe Called Quest and the Pharcyde—and split them between the main and side stages. In 1996, longtime hip-hop booking agent Cara Lewis teamed with House of Blues executive Kevin Morrow to create the Smokin’ Grooves Tour, which was conceived as a variation on Lollapalooza that focused on alternative Black music. With headliners like Ziggy Marley and the Melody Makers, it functioned as a way to make amphitheater bookers more comfortable with shows where the real audience draw were acts like Cypress Hill and the Fugees.

During the winter of 1997, Sean Combs put together the Puff Daddy & the Family tour. Though it mainly promoted his Bad Boy Records label, the 26-city arena tour also featured artists including Jay-Z, Foxy Brown, and Busta Rhymes. That experience helped motivate Jay and his Roc-a-Fella Records partner Dame Dash to create 1999’s Hard Knock Life Tour, a 50-plus-show journey that would be immortalized in the documentary Backstage . Jay-Z and DMX headlined, and they were opened by fellow Def Jam–signees Redman and Method Man. But Hard Knock Life wouldn’t have been possible without Survival of the Illest. “It was definitely a precursor,” says Andrea Duncan-Mao, a former MTV News producer and print journalist who covered both tours. “It was kind of the rehearsal, the dry run for them.”

Though Survival of the Illest was anchored by DMX, Onyx, and the Def Squad, some shows also featured appearances by other Def Jam artists, including Method Man, Foxy Brown, and Cormega. Lots of years (and lots of blunts) have passed since then, and the memories of the people who were there are no longer crystal clear. Some say each of the acts had their own tour bus. Others say they all rode together in one of those big charter buses with TV monitors in the back of the seats like old people take to the Grand Canyon. There are conflicting reports.

What the participants do agree upon is that there was a camaraderie between all the artists and their entourages on that tour, which wasn’t always the case. “Everybody was in the prime of they life—young, getting-money rap stars,” says Fredro Starr of Onyx. “There was friendly competition on every level: rapping, pushups, gambling. All types of shit was going on. Groupies. A couple of babies was made on that tour.”

And as expected for a trip featuring a bunch of 20-somethings running wild across the country, there were a few incidents that were terrifying in the moment but have since turned into favorite anecdotes. One night in (probably) New Jersey, Method Man joined Redman on stage. Redman says they were, as expected, “high as fuck.” When the two got together, they were known for pushing each other’s daredevil antics. After Meth leapt into the crowd, Red got on top of a huge speaker and the audience began goading him. “My dumbass goes and jumps to go hang on the lights above us, not knowing that the lights been on all night and them shits was hot,” Redman remembers. “I put my hands on them lights and nearly burned my fingerprints off my fingers.”

He let go instantly and fell, past the stage and all the way to the floor. “He lay there for a minute,” Byrd says. “We was all looking at him from the stage like, ‘Oh shit, do we need to call the paramedics?’”

Redman was still unresponsive when Method Man and Kevin Liles, Def Jam’s general manager of promotions at the time, came around him. “Meth was like, ‘You ain’t dead, n—, get up! Get up! You won’t die, n—! Real n— don’t die, n—! Get up!’” Redman says. “And I opened my eyes and I started jumping around and shit. I think that was one of the highlights of the tour.”

Then there was the time in Chicago when the artists were getting ready to check into their hotel before the show. “[The MTV News crew] all went to go say hi and they all came out of the bus,” Duncan-Mao says. “We’re standing there talking and the bus just starts rolling down the street, and we’re like, ‘Who’s driving the bus?’ There was no one driving the bus.”

It proceeded to crash into a street lamp and a brownstone’s stoop (luckily no one got hurt). “I always thought it was Keith Murray who actually knocked the bus out of gear, but since X died, people have told me it was him and they didn’t want to say it was him,” Duncan-Mao says.

DMX loved to drive, although most people didn’t want him behind the wheel because of the dangerous speeds he would go. “DMX was always trying to drive the bus,” says Sticky Fingaz of Onyx. One day the rapper somehow took control of the vehicle and managed to get them to the show. “I can’t drive no bus, I don’t even know how to get that shit out of park,” says Starr. “So he’s pretty good.”

Though artists now see touring as their main avenue for making money, in the late ’90s, physical music sales were still strong, so live shows for hip-hop acts were more of a promotional consideration. When fans couldn’t pull up artists’ videos or full discography on demand, or get constant updates through social media, going on the road was the way for acts to create awareness, or just remind people they still existed. “Back in the day, that was the key to selling units, being out,” Redman says. “You really had to be outside to sell units, not like these young people talk about, ‘I’m outside! I’m outside!’ You actually had to be outside, shaking people’s hands and getting to know people and making connections and putting out the energy of who we are.”

Despite some fears, there were no riots or major violent incidents at the shows, a trajectory that continued through the Hard Knock Life Tour. “The whole vibe of that tour was crazy,” says Starr. “Nobody got arrested, nobody caught a body. It was good.”

Def Jam liked to send their artists on package tours, not just because they could help grow each other’s fan base. By having them all together, it would give the impression of a larger movement that needed to be paid attention to. “When you have a bunch of acts, it feels like a full takeover,” says Julie Greenwald, Def Jam’s former senior vice president of marketing and the current chairwoman of Atlantic Records. “You can take over the whole night on a radio station. The in-stores are crazy. The press, when we do the interviews that day, it felt like a press conference.”

When MTV News came to Chicago to film Survival of the Illest, before the actual show they followed the groups to a cookout where Redman DJed at George’s Music Room, an institution that had been in the city since 1969. “That kind of stuff they were doing on the tour ultimately created some goodwill so that when Hard Knock Life came around, they had done their due diligence in terms of reaching out to the community,” Duncan-Mao says. “Even if [on] that particular tour the venues were not great.”

The Chicago show was held at the International Amphitheatre, a venue that opened in 1934 and hosted national political conventions during the 1950s and ’60s, but was long past its prime by the time Survival of the Illest showed up. It was demolished a year later. Though it held several thousand people, the show was sparsely attended, because it was in a rough neighborhood that was possibly in the middle of disputed gang territory. As was the case with many hip-hop shows back then, the sound was horrible, and DMX ended up slamming the microphone to the ground. MTV had to send a cameraperson to a later tour stop in Baltimore because the performance footage from that night was too depressing. “It was really sad for X, because he had been getting all this love everywhere,” Duncan-Mao says.

DMX was a revitalizing force for Def Jam Recordings and a pivotal figure as it became a part of the Universal Music Group in ’98. Though the label had some hits in the recent years before him with Jay-Z’s In My Lifetime, Vol. 1 and Foxy Brown’s Ill Na Na , they were losing the culture war to New York rival Bad Boy Records. Then DMX’s grim and grimy vision presented an alternative to the celebratory flash that was associated with Puff Daddy’s world. “People were tired of the Technicolor, happy-dappy bullshit that rap music started becoming,” says Lyor Cohen. “DMX represented the reality of what was happening. He checked the whole industry.”

Though DMX was considered a phenomenon, he was already deep into his 20s by the time he found national success. He’d been featured in The Source ’s Unsigned Hype column back in 1991 and spent years battling MCs around the New York area, but it wasn’t until his 1998 single “Get at Me Dog” that the rest of the country started to catch on. When that moment arrived, he was ready for the stage. “From pretty early on, he was spectacular,” Greenwald says. “It was just raw, you could just feel it.”

He also had a history of serious trauma, rooted in emotional, physical, and substance abuse, as well as extreme poverty and incarceration. His personality could seem manic. Sometimes he couldn’t stop talking, other times he would be guarded and withdrawn. “There was an air of unpredictability around him, but that’s kind of what made him interesting, for better or for worse,” says Duncan-Mao, who interviewed him many times for MTV News over the years and wrote a XXL cover story about him in 2000. “X had demons that he fought all the time, and if you spent any time around him, you would see them.”

In the Backstage documentary, there’s a brief clip where DMX talks to Chuck D before a show. The Public Enemy frontman asks if he enjoys being on tour. “No,” DMX responds immediately. “The only part I like is the performance, that one hour when I’m on stage, that’s it. The rest is hell.” When Chuck D tries to assure him he’ll get used to it, he replies, “I’m used to it, I just don’t like it.”

If you ask people now whether DMX liked going on tour, the replies are mixed. Some will tell you he loved the validation he got from fans and the connection it allowed him to make with them. Others will say he hated the pressure that record labels put on him to promote his music, so that’s why he would sometimes disappear for days. “X wanted to be home with his family and his dogs,” says Byrd. “It’s not the same, living on a bus, eating catered food backstage every day. It can become monotonous and people do want to get home. I don’t think so much that he didn’t like the experience, I think he just didn’t like being away and not being with [his] loved ones.”

After the Survival of the Illest Tour, DMX stripped down his minimal live show even more. He would go on stage with just a DJ, but there was no longer a hypeman. If he needed any help with the words, he knew the crowd would be there to shout them along for him.

Eric Ducker is a writer and editor in Los Angeles.

Why Drake Lost

The pearl jam draft with jill hopkins, brian fallon, and steven hyden, elle duncan’s meteoric rise in sports media.

You are using an outdated browser. Please upgrade your browser to improve your experience.

AD LOADING...

Redman Explains How He, JAY-Z, Method Man & DMX Turned The Hard Knock Life Tour Into A Healthy Competition

Redman signed with Def Jam Recordings in 1991. Co-founded by Rick Rubin and Russell Simmons, the iconic imprint is responsible for launching the careers of Hip Hop pioneers such as LL Cool J, Public Enemy and Beastie Boys, among others.

As the label grew, it would ultimately add JAY-Z, Method Man and DMX to its roster and solidify its reputation as an impenetrable Hip Hop force. In 1998, Jay released the multi-platinum album  Vol. 2… Hard Knock Life  and recruited his labelmates Redman, X and Method Man for the Hard Knock Life Tour the following year.

Redman has often referred to that tour as the “most historical” tour in Hip Hop. During a recent conversation with HipHopDX, Redman explained it wasn’t only the incredible artists who made it unforgettable.

“I say that not only because of the amazing artists that was on the tour but because of the energy we produced,” he tells DX. “We was all under the same label. We all had albums out that was doing very well. We all respected each other, number one.

“What we created on the road was a family, a family of energy and getting money and competition as well. At the time, we was going out a little bit earlier than a lot of the other groups. Sometimes we would go out there and people were still folding up chairs, putting chairs down and shit.”

Nevertheless, Redman and Meth would hit the stage every night with their unbridled live performances and make sure they gave it 100 percent. In fact, their sets were so explosive, Jay and X felt inspired to step their game up, too.

“We still had an audience in the outer regions of the stadium because we were packing 60,000, 70,000 a night,” he continued. “That middle floor was always half full when we went out there, but the rest of the stadium was a little bit packed. We had to really put on a show when me and my boy came out to really open up for JAY-Z and DMX.

“We came out there and we shut the building down. Even from the top tier, from JAY-Z and them, they would hear about our show. They even watched our show one time, like, ‘Let me see what these guys doing, what people are talking about.’ They’ve seen us flying through the air on our harness and all this shit. They was like, ‘Oh, we got to turn up.’ We actually competed in seeing people shows turned up for the better because of each other. We looked at their show and we’re like, ‘You know what? We’re going to have this in our show too.’ It was a great competition. It was family. Most of all, the fans got an experience that they still talk about to this day.”

The Hard Knock Life Tour spawned the 2000 documentary  Backstage. Produced by then Roc-A-Fella Records CEO Damon Dash and directed by Chris Fiore, the film took a deep dive into what went on behind the scenes and featured several live performances from additional Def Jam artists such as Beanie Sigel, Ja Rule and Memphis Bleek.

Backstage also came with a soundtrack, the appropriately titled Backstage: A Hard Knock Live .  Production came courtesy of Alchemist, Earthtone III, Irv Gotti, Ken “Duro” Ifill, Mannie Fresh, Poke & Tone, Redman, Scott Storch, Swizz Beatz, Timbaland and DJ Clue.

The project peaked at No. 6 on the Billboard 200 and No. 1 on the U.S. R&B/Hip Hop chart. It was eventually certified gold by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) in December 2000.

The tour itself netted over $18 million and brought the artists closer. During a press run in 1999, Dash proclaimed it was “the most successful Hip Hop tour ever.” He added, “We set a precedent not just for rap tours, but for all music tours.”

In this article

More on hiphopdx.

• Conway The Machine Claims Best Rapper Alive Status With Dua Lipa-Assisted 'SFK' Teaser

news | May 9, 2024

• J. Cole Memes Come True As He 'Chills At The Beach' Amid Kendrick Lamar & Drake Beef

• Drake Shares Cryptic Post About Death & Hate After 'Loss' To Kendrick Lamar

Watch on Hiphopdx

Coming Soon...

After These Messages

DX Newsletter

Latest news.

• Ja Rule Accused Of 'Cursing' New York Knicks' NBA Championship Chances
• Joe Budden Celebrates Kendrick Lamar's 'Victory' Over Drake By Dancing To Diss Song
• Snoop Dogg Gets Props From Reddit Co-Founder For Being Early Investor
• Drake Accidentally Called 'Raper' By TV News Anchor
• Tyrese Dragged By Brian McKnight's Son After Inserting Himself Into Family Dispute
• Beyoncé's 'Cowboy Carter' Hits 1 Billion Spotify Streams
• Drake's Toronto Mansion Breeds More Drama As Man Attempts To Trespass Onto Property

Subscribe To DX Newsletter

Find anything you save across the site in your account

How DMX Found God

By Clover Hope

DMX wrote his own obituary more than two decades ago: “Slippin’,” a single from his second album, 1998’s Flesh of My Flesh, Blood of My Blood , tells the story of a boy with afflictions who transformed himself into a rap star. The song starts with a psalm about suffering, then X shares his biography in three heartbreaking verses: His mom was abusive, his dad abandoned him, and he was forced into group homes and institutions. The people who should have loved him failed to protect him, so he found himself “possessed by the darker side,” bound to a cycle of drug dependence and insufficient rehab. Fame changed his life, but not in many of the ways that mattered.

“Slippin’” is a stunning centerpiece in DMX’s catalog, a liberating sermon where he got to purge his long-standing demons. Thirty seconds into the video, he’s shown in the back of an ambulance on a stretcher as paramedics try to revive him. Nearly 23 years later, he laid in a hospital bed on life support for a week as fans hoped for a miracle—though it was already a miracle that he survived for as long as he did. He died at 50 after an apparent overdose and a heart attack, following a long battle with drug addiction. Many prayed for him, but it wasn’t the usual stock prayers. These were acknowledgments of DMX’s faith and how he moved about the world with it. “A Love filled praying child of God named Earl has been called on,” Q-Tip tweeted on April 9. Missy Elliott wrote , “Even though you had battles you touched so many through your music and when you would pray so many people felt that.”

Many pop stars co-opt religious imagery, but few did it as earnestly and seamlessly as Earl Simmons, who made spirituality his mantle in life. He tucked his hardships into lyrical scriptures and tried to reconcile the struggle to be good and the temptation to entertain evil forces. DMX made gospel rap for the unconverted and for those who’d long lost touch with religion, for those who couldn’t manage their family trauma because no one had taught them how. His music reflected a generation of Black children left unprotected by the world and its systems, who suffered but dared to emerge victorious anyway. He revealed the fragility of being young and uncared for, and his entire rap career was a search for meaning.

DMX’s salvation was inevitably tied to hip-hop’s. It’s no coincidence that, because of his gritty vulnerability on records and in his performances, he contributed to the explosion of rap into the mainstream in the late ’90s. During an era when the genre was defined by endless yachts and flashy clothes, he offered brave, hardened, and angry songs that more gravely reflected the tragedies under which the culture was born, not where it had arrived. His frenetic energy was nothing without his spirituality, though it was also a reflection of his lifelong addictions. After a show on the pioneering Hard Knock Life arena tour in 1999, he questioned his good fortune: As producer Irv Gotti once recalled in an interview, X broke down backstage after performing and screamed, “Why, why God, why me? I ain’t supposed to be shit.”

All of his albums famously contain prayers. On the “ Prayer ” skit from his debut, It’s Dark and Hell Is Hot , he admitted he never expected to live long. He confessed that he’d “never known love like this before,” meaning his relationship with a higher Being: “You know I ain’t perfect. But you’d like me to try.” The skit bleeds into a soulful, redemptive narrative, “The Convo,” where he reflected on his odyssey into religion. Here, as he often did, he rapped as the voice of God: “When you shine, it’s gon’ be a sight to behold.” It’s among the many conceptual, faith-based DMX songs that suggest it wasn’t just God that he heard, but also his own agonized voice attempting to save himself.

By Nina Corcoran

By Matthew Strauss

By Alphonse Pierre

Religion factored into his music in ways subtle and grand. The way his hypermasculinity emerged as aggression and homophobia in some of his lyrics seemed to mirror the rigidity of divine teachings. It’s Dark and Hell Is Hot ’s “Damien” is one of the most expressive and excellent portraits of X’s tortured personas. It’s here that he spoke both as Earl Simmons and as a devil character who taunted him into murderous temptations. “Why is it every move I make turns out to be a bad one?/Where’s my guardian angel? Need one, wish I had one,” X rapped before modulating his voice to become the high-pitched antagonist. In his 2003 memoir, E.A.R.L.: The Autobiography of DMX , he reflected: “A deal with the dark was one that I had made many times. Whether it was something that I needed to get out of hunger, or something that I wanted to get out of temptation, throughout my life I agreed to do dirt and suffer the consequences.”

Suffering was DMX’s cross to bear, and his darkest instincts endlessly threatened to overrun his road to healing, so he excelled at the art of suffering. “Twenty-eight and trying to get baptized/Priest scared to touch me ’cause he said I gave him bad vibes,” he rapped on “One More Road to Cross,” from 1999’s ...And Then There Was X . He was always rapping about needing help, speaking from the perspective of his inner child, a victim of both domestic and carceral neglect; he cried out to God frequently on tracks like “Ready to Meet Him,” about being unafraid to embrace death, and “Lord Give Me a Sign,” from 2006’s Year of the Dog… Again . He would learn and recover and then spiral into an almost rhythmic cycle of reparation that was frustrating for those who admired him to watch.

His iconography is, in turn, immersed in spiritual overtones, concepts of hell, body, and flesh. The covers of his first two albums are somber and red. His debut opts for a saturated crimson, while in photos for Flesh of My Flesh, Blood of My Blood, he’s pictured in a bathtub in a brighter, more visceral shade of red representing blood. Sure, his artwork evoked death and the devil, but he was conveying something much more innocent in his imagery—he was surrendering. Photographer Jonathan Mannion, who shot the artwork for both albums, told The Fader of the Flesh cover, “Everybody instantly thinks violence and horror, but in my mind, why isn’t it a protection thing—covered in the blood of Christ? I went with the white [background] to evoke this peaceful, prayerful side of him, which speaks clearly to faith and his belief in himself.”

X was open about what led him to need saving. In his music and his memoir, he shared excruciating details about his childhood. When he was 6, his mother beat him so badly that she knocked out two of his teeth, and she later tricked him into entering a group home. He lived in abject poverty in Yonkers, New York, balancing asthma fits with bouts of hunger, all of which drove him into a life of mischief: arson, carjackings, robberies. Over the past week, a 2020 interview has circulated of DMX explaining how at 14, a local rapper, Ready Ron, who was like an older brother to him, laced a blunt with crack cocaine and had a young X smoke it. In the clip, his voice breaks, and he cries through the recollection, sounding equal measures broken and prophetic. “Why would you do that to a child?” he wonders. Then, just as he did in his music, he flips a switch and reports the brute outcome of that incident: “A monster was born.”

He needed a way to contain that beast. The people in his life who he envisioned as gods on Earth—who were themselves young and neglected by systems—had hurt him so deeply that it seemed he needed an omnipresent force that could never leave him. If his parents didn’t affirm him, maybe he could be God’s child. He encased himself in a veil of Christianity as an outlet for healing, each struggle bringing him closer to the altar. His mother was a Jehovah’s Witness, his grandmother a Baptist, and his favorite book growing up was a version of the Bible for children. While later incarcerated, he remembered his grandma’s words about how the Lord was always with him. “He was taking care of me before I even came out the pussy,” X told his memoir’s co-author Smokey Fontaine, in classic DMX fashion. “Before I spoke my first word or shed my first tear He was there with me.” X wrote his first prayer after months in solitary confinement.

For young music fans in the ’90s and early 2000s, DMX’s music might have been their first genuine interaction with religion outside of an older family member pushing them into the church. Black upbringings tend to rub up against the whiteness of Christianity, a way of life thrust onto Black Americans as an escape and an explanation for a harsh existence; in which case, religion is a method of coping born from cruelty and a sometimes-inadequate surrogate for therapy. DMX stayed alive continually because of it.

And because of X, we have a vivid picture of what all forms of abuse can do to a child. The culmination of his story is as painful and glorious as the conclusion of “Slippin’,” where DMX gets clean and realizes he has kids to live for, and that his survival is a success story. He forgave his parents and himself, and there are clips of him looking joyful and singing to oldies in his final years. In a podcast appearance this past February, X said that if he happened to drop dead right then, he lived a good life.

Though he never formally became a pastor, X said he felt the calling. He got ordained as a deacon at an Arizona church, and in 2019, he led a prayer at one of Kanye West’s Sunday Services. Whereas West positioned himself on the same level as God, choosing to align religion with power, X was an anxious servant of the Lord who viewed religion as a route to safety. In a Bible study he hosted on Instagram Live last year, he encouraged people to find themselves through Christ. “We’re suffering,” he said, “but as long as you got God, it’s gon’ be all right.” He believed God saved his life and made him feel less broken; and if God is some unseen universal shield, it makes sense that DMX was saved. All he ever wanted was protection.

By signing up you agree to our User Agreement (including the class action waiver and arbitration provisions ), our Privacy Policy & Cookie Statement and to receive marketing and account-related emails from Pitchfork. You can unsubscribe at any time. This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.

By Matthew Ismael Ruiz

By Jazz Monroe

Musicians are barely getting a slice of music industry revenue, largely eating off of live performances instead. For ‘Tour Tales,’ we dig into the rider requests, delayed shows, diligent preparation, and future of touring by talking with the multitude of people that move behind the scenes. Record executives, photographers, tour managers, artists, and more all break down what goes into touring and why it’s still so vital to the livelihood of your favorite artists. What happens on tour stays on ‘Tour Tales.’

From Rick James in the ‘80s to JAY-Z in the ‘90s to The Game in the 2000s to Kendrick Lamar in 2010s and the dozens in between, Ron Byrd has worked with them all and created lasting memories along the way.

“I used to have the title of ‘The Minister of Fun.’ That’s what I do for artists. On the ‘Hard Knock Life Tour,’ we rented out a movie theater so everybody could see The Matrix . The tour buses pulled up on the backdoor. I rented out a movie theater for us, privately, with unlimited popcorn and soda,” Byrd told REVOLT .

In this installment of “Tour Tales,” the 40-year touring vet explains Kendrick Lamar ’s Puff Daddy-like perfectionism, how he helped make sure the ‘Hard Knock Life Tour’ didn’t have any incidents, and DMX’s power on stage .

The first tour you went on was Prince’s “Dirty Mind Tour” in 1981, which was also his first. How’d you get on that?

Yeah, but I was with Teena Marie. I was about 24 years old. I came into the business with Teena Marie because I was working security for Motown Records . I had a law enforcement background, which a lot of people don’t know about. So, I was able to carry firearms. When Motown moved to L.A. they all came to the church I went to, which was Mt. Zion and from there I started working security for Motown. I met all of the artists and eventually, Teena said, “Do you want to go on the road?” I told her, “I don’t know what the road is, but I’m with it.”

As security, what is an issue you had to step in to solve?

Not really on that tour. I was really doing everything on that tour. I was security, road manager, setting up gear for the band. There were no issues. Fans only wanted autographs and to take pictures. I never really ran into any security issues until later on when we got into the hip hop genre. I have a martial artists background. I’ve trained for 30 years in Japanese karate. I always have a security mindset no matter what I’m doing. My first job after working with Teena Marie was setting up equipment for Rick James. Teena took me to Rick on a tour we were on . She was going back to L.A. to record and was like, “Do you still want to work?” I was like, “Yeah.” And she said, “I’ll see if Rick needs anybody.”

How was it working with Rick James?

I set up drums and percussions for Rick James. I was a roadie. We’ve all been fired by Rick James . I was fired about five or six times by Rick James. When he fires you, it ain’t funny. He fires you in an embarrassing way. He cusses at you , but he calls you back the next day. Every time I was fired, he’d call me back like, “Get your ass over here. We got shit to do.”

What were those crowds like for Rick?

It was the most amazing thing for me because we were doing football stadiums. I came up in the hip hop generation as well, as far as working. I worked with Run-DMC, Eric B & Rakim, and all of the original Def Jam acts , so I know the hip hop world. But, the only way these guys play stadiums now is at Summer Jam, Birthday Bash, or something with about 20 acts on the show. We were doing those same football stadiums with just Rick James, Parliament & The Funkadelic, Bootsy Collins, and a few opening acts. Rick probably did every football stadium across the country. The crowds were unbelievable. Seeing a mass of people moving to the music is what got me into this. Being on tour and doing live music heals the soul. A concert is three hours of people forgetting about what’s going on in their lives. You can laugh, sing, cry, or faint. When I worked for New Edition, the girls would faint because they were in love with them. I still get goosebumps when I think about Rick James playing, ‘Bustin’ Out’ at the Los Angeles Coliseum and the entire stadium going wild.

I’ll tell you a perfect story about Rick James ’ crowds and how I got into hip hop. We did a sold-out show at the Richmond Coliseum with about 18,000 people. On the show was Grandmaster Flash and a group called Newcleus who had a song called “Wikki Wikki.” When Grandmaster Flash and them got on stage with turntables and started scratching the turntables, I remember all of the bands on the show looking at that thinking, “What the fuck is going on? They have no instruments and they’re trying to make music?” Everybody thought it was crazy and that it wouldn’t last. I was looking at the audience and I watched their reaction. I immediately knew this wasn’t going anywhere. I realized this was going to be a new genre coming up that competes with R&B and the bands.

You were the tour manager on the “Hard Knock Life Tour,” which was the most successful hip hop tour at the time.

Yeah, and I’m in the movie . I’ll be going through an airport and people would be like, “I know you from somewhere. I saw you last night. You were in that movie .” That’s when I realized Showtime was showing Backstage a lot. I’m in the film a lot.

Besides it being successful financially, it was also one of the first hip hop tours that big to not have any incidents. How did you ensure that?

Back in the days, acts like Run-DMC drove the audience into a frenzy every night. There were fights every night. That was just part of the show. People in the audience were just going crazy, having fun, and fights were breaking out. But, then hip hop got banned from arenas. A lot of that was political too because the buildings didn’t understand it. They were used to Earth, Wind & Fire; The Isley Brothers , and Luther Vandross. Then, all of a sudden, you have these urban young brothers with these different energies and it scared the promoters and the people who owned the buildings.

The “Hard Knock Life Tour” was the first tour coming back in the arenas as a tour. So, when I sat in the meetings with Lyor Cohen, the one thing he emphasized is we had to have an incident-free tour and everyone went home with a great experience. That was the goal from day one. We hired security and FOI (Fruit of Islam) because we wanted people who respected the artist but still searched them. They knew how to search people quickly and efficiently. They also gave people their respect and knew who JAY-Z , DMX, and all of the acts were. I always wanted hip hop acts to be treated like The Rolling Stones.

DMX’s performances are still talked about for his unbridled energy.

It wasn’t just that tour. I’ve worked with DMX on a few tours. X was a one-man show. He didn’t need any dancers, hype man, or anything. He just needed him, his DJ, and a mic. X’s show was unbelievable. There was no other performer like DMX . He was one of the greatest. He took everyone on a roller coaster ride of emotions. He took you to the heights, the lows, the darkness, and then he said a prayer to you from his heart . He was a special guy touring. It was a marvel to sit on the side of the stage and see that man perform. Those are the memories I’ll have for the rest of my life.

What were some extracurricular activities you engaged in on tour?

I used to have the title of “The Minister of Fun.” That’s what I do for artists. On the “Hard Knock Life Tour,” we rented out a movie theater so everybody could see The Matrix . The tour buses pulled up on the backdoor. I rented out a movie theater for us, privately, with unlimited popcorn and soda. They served you. Not long ago, Lil Yachty took a chartered jet with his friends down to Universal Disney in Orlando. I take them on a behind-the-scenes VIP experience. People don’t know a lot of places have VIP programs. They cost a lot of money, but that’s how a Michael Jackson , Madonna, or Jennifer Lopez go. They don’t walk through the main gate and buy tickets. I’ve rented yachts for artists. We’ll be in London and they’ll be like, “Yo, Ron, what are you going to do?” I’ll be like, “I’m going to the British Museum to see all the statues from Egypt and Africa they got in the museum.” So, everyone gets up with me the next morning, and the next thing I know I have eight or nine people going to the British Museum .

You also worked with Travis Scott on the “Rodeo Tour.” He’s grown into one of the premier hip hop performers. How did you see his growth?

One thing I can tell you about Travis is he understood production . From day 1, he wanted to do his own production even if he had to spin money out of his own pocket. He did that on the “Rodeo Tour” with just him and Young Thug. That’s why he is who he is today. All of that comes in a rider. When you see some of these big shows that allow you to bring production, we have to submit a rider that details everything. The rider is a valuable part of an artist’s touring operation.

How did you connect with Kendrick Lamar to be his tour manager?

I was working for Fabolous years ago and The Game used to always be around Fabolous. Game used to always tell me, “Yo, I’m going to be big one day. I’m going to be doing my thing too. When it happens, I’ll want you to come work with me.” When he dropped his records , started blowing up, and was ready to go on tour, I got a phone call from James Rosemond saying, “We need you on a plane to L.A. The Game keeps asking for you. We hired somebody already, but The Game doesn’t want to work with them. He wants you.” I got on a plane, flew to L.A., and worked with The Game on every tour he did around the world numerous times. We did two Snoop [Dogg] tours. Kendrick and TDE guys used to be around. Actually, it was more Jay Rock than Kendrick. We had security with Game who were from the same neighborhood Kendrick was coming out of. I got in good with Top Dawg and his people, so when it was time for Kendrick to go on the “Yeezus Tour,” they called me. I came in there and told them I’d make sure I groomed everybody. I’d give them the knowledge and paperwork they needed. Kendrick killed it on that tour.

What did you notice about Kendrick’s stage show?

He rehearsed . A lot of these hip hop people don’t rehearse. When we tour, there are cues, pyro, special effects, and spots artists have to hit at a certain time so the lighting effects will work. That only happens through full rehearsal. We rehearsed at what was the Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena for Yeezus. One thing Kendrick did was rehearse his show , put the show together, and then had a perfect show every night. He was a hard worker. He was a perfectionist just like Puff Daddy. Bill Reeves was Puffy’s production manager for the “No Way Out Tour” and he brought me in as the tour manager . Every night, I had a case that had televisions, Betamax, VHS, and every type of system you could think of built-in.

Every night, the lighting director, front-of-house engineer , monitor engineer, production people, and a bunch of us had to go into Puff’s suite and review the show. We had to take critical notes and make changes. Bill didn’t like that because some of the crew needed to be there for load-outs and it might’ve cost Puff some money with delays. Puff didn’t care. He wanted to make sure his show was tight. Every night we reviewed the show in full. He and Kendrick are two people who took their shows very seriously with rehearsal. On the “Hard Knock Life Tour,” I set up rehearsals for everybody for a week outside of Atlanta, and nobody showed up for rehearsals until the last day. Everybody showed up, looked at the stuff, ran around the stage for a bit and that was it. We had maybe one day of rehearsals and the rest was us putting it together as the tour was going on.

For someone who’s been a touring professional for more than 40 years, what do you see for the future of touring?

A lot will evolve and change, especially with the COVID protocols they have in place now at a lot of venues. Some tours are canceling because they don’t want people to have vaccination cards and all of that. As far as touring, it’s been the same and it’s not going to change. Touring is taking a group or artist who has a hot record, putting their name on the marquee, putting asses in the seats, putting on a good show , and doing it all over again in the next city. Ticket prices have changed. There will always be special effects but instead of having full-blown pyro, now we have cold spark so you don’t need flame licenses and fire inspections. You don’t need as many lighting instruments as you used to. But, touring is still about putting asses in the seats and the audience experiencing their favorite artists on stage.

DMX Barks His Way Up the Charts to Number One

Nanny’s Unisex is a hip-hop hair salon if ever there was one. Just past midnight on “five-dollar wash-and-set Wednesday,” the spot on West 135th Street in Harlem is filled with DKNY’d girls in shower caps, B-boys getting baldies and a gaggle of cornrowed five-year-olds jitterbugging in and out, singing all the words to the Mary J. Blige and Jay-Z joints booming from the stereo. The chaotic salon is so hyperkinetic, so eye-poppingly color coordinated, it could be — should be — a blazing underground club.

In bounds DMX , juggling a Newport, a half-toked blunt and a plastic cup of Hennessy. With his sleek head, his taut, muscled physique and his gear — a silvery-gray muscle T-shirt, white and silver parachute pants and silver and white old-school Nike hoop sneaks — he looks like the black Silver Surfer. And, like the Cheers crowd greeting Norm, everyone at Nanny’s knows DMX.

Then again, right now everyone in New York knows DMX. On the strength of his rugged, growling voice, a stop-start staccato flow that recalls Allen Iverson’s dribbling, and a rock-solid street reputation, his debut album, It’s Dark and Hell Is Hot, sold 250,000 copies in its first week. The 27-year-old from Yonkers, New York, built his rep through years of battling (Styles, of the LOX, describes him as “a living legend underground”), a slew of recent guest rhymes (on Mase’s “24 Hours to Live,” L.L. Cool J’s “4, 3, 2, 1” and the LOX’s unforgettable “Money, Power, Respect,” among others) and, of course, his anthemic debut single, “Get at Me Dog.” Top club and radio DJ Funkmaster Flex says, “It’s a one o’clock record: At one o’clock, if I ain’t gettin’ niggas bouncin’ crazily, I’m gonna have to leave. That’s when you hear DMX.”

After politicking with the owners of Nanny’s and playfully growling for the kids, DMX bounces into the barber’s chair for a quick touch-up on his Caesar and beard from a man with a Tarheels cap and a million-dollar smile. The rage-filled MC of It’s Dark is warm and humble on the everyday. An ardent dog lover with three pit bulls, he’s a man’s man, or, as many call him, a nigga’s nigga. But just beneath the surface boils an angry cauldron.

Editor’s picks

Every awful thing trump has promised to do in a second term, the 250 greatest guitarists of all time, the 500 greatest albums of all time, the 50 worst decisions in movie history.

Someone notices his silver and diamond-infested ring, bracelet and Rolex — easily worth a new entry-level Benz. “You didn’t have those the last time I saw you,” he says.

“Robbery,” DMX responds with neither braggadocio nor repentance.

The man is stunned silent.

“One person,” DMX says. “One very rich person.” He laughs. “I won’t buy it … but I will wear it!” The assembled crowd laughs just as a cabal of thieves would laugh with their leader. But then, in a tone that’s just too icy to laugh along with, he adds, “They’ve created a monster. And now they must deal with it.”

DMX begins his life story, saying, “I was a good kid. I just did bad things.” And in bits he retells a harrowing life, filled with a neglectful father (“He’s a dickhead”), an abusive mother and a world that left him to perfect his MC’ing in a slew of jails, where, clutching a radio for music, he’d go cell to cell, battling everyone. His is not unlike the stories of Malcolm X or George Jackson; but hell, it seems, is so commonplace to DMX that horrors slip from his mouth without drama, in the same ho-hum tone he might use to order a Whopper.

Even in Yonkers’ notorious School Street Projects, the young Earl Simmons stood out, he says, as “the problem nigga: The kid that other kids would get beatin’s for playin’ with.” That led to a string of group homes. “There’s a period in your childhood when you accept whatever you’re given as normal,” he says. After four 18-month stints in institutions, he started “robbing niggas like meals. On my way to school I’d rob somebody. After school I’d rob somebody. At night I’d rob somebody.” He was no sneak thief and never took from women: “I’d dig in niggas’ pockets while grittin’ my teeth to let them know I will knock the shit outta you.” At 14, he hid a sawed-off shotgun in his pants and robbed a schoolmate in the lunchroom, in front of everyone. He netted $13. Soon after, he began a series of jail stays. When on the outside, he says, he supported himself mostly through robbery. Asked about rumors that he long struggled with a drug problem, DMX says testily, “I had a life problem, dawg. A life problem. Focus on the problem. The symptoms are irrelevant. Follow me?” At that moment he seems the sort of troubled figure who, if not for hip-hop, might well be dead. Or maybe killing you.

Related Stories

Stop making women the pawns in rap beef, the results are in: kendrick lamar won the great rap war.

If you’re waiting for that uplifting epiphany, it ain’t coming. DMX has found ballast in his dogs, especially Boomer, the pit bull who became his best friend. “I learned friendship from him,” DMX says. “It’s kinda fucked up that I couldn’t learn it from a person. But I learned it from a dog.” Boomer was killed by a passing van and now lives on in tattoos on DMX’s shoulder and back.

DMX’s future appears bright — in November, video director Hype Williams will release his first feature film, Belly, starring DMX alongside Nas and Method Man. But, friends say, recent success has proved only a mild palliative. “He’s suffering right now with a lot of demons from his past,” says Williams.

A tormented soul on the mic and an overtly masculine figure with more than a hint of vulnerability, DMX recalls hip-hop’s most epically tormented soul, Tupac Shakur. Williams, who directed Pac in some of his later videos, says, “I can easily see how alike the two are. It’s nothing to do with characteristics. It has something to do with spirit. They just have a similar aura about them. There’s a sadness there.”

In the blaze of It’s Dark’ s talk of hell and pain and death wishes, DMX sounds most Pac-like in his album’s intense a cappella “Prayer,” which concludes, “And I fear that what I’m sayin’ won’t be heard till I’m gone/It’s all good cuz I didn’t really expect to live long/So if it takes for me to suffer for my brother to see the light, gimme pain till I die!/But please, Lord, treat him right.” It seems he takes tribulation in stride, believing it to be his lot. “I will suffer as much as I have to,” he says of “Prayer.” “I will do it proudly.”

So, even with a freshly shorn dome and his hit single booming throughout Nanny’s as autograph seekers buzz around him, DMX still expects little from life.

'Word Salad': Andrew Huberman's Cannabis Misinformation Slammed by Experts

Why grown-ass women love the idea of 'the idea of you', steve albini, noise rock pioneer and 'in utero' engineer, dead at 61.

How long do you expect to live?

“Maybe three more years,” DMX says. “Somebody’s gonna give it to me. Other niggas got it. I done gave it to niggas. I expect to get it. I ain’t mad. I just hope niggas say, ‘He was a cool mafucka, yo. If you didn’t know him, you don’t know. He mighta did wrong, but he was aight.'”

This story was originally published in RS Issue 790/791, July 9th, 1998

Sturgill Simpson's 'Metamodern Sounds' Is Still Reshaping Country Music

• 10 Years of Turtles
• By Marissa R. Moss

PJ Harvey Pays Tribute to Steve Albini: 'He Taught Me So Much About Music, and Life'

• 'a great friend'
• By Daniel Kreps

David Beckham Says He 'Didn't Expect' Spice Girls Reunion at Posh's Birthday Party

• Spice It Up
• By Emily Zemler

Watch Gracie Abrams Perform Courageous Single 'Risk' on 'Fallon'

• Late-Night TV

Neil Portnow Accuser Asks Judge to Dismiss Sexual Assault Lawsuit Against Former Grammy CEO

• Crimes and Court

Most Popular

Emily blunt says she's 'absolutely' wanted to throw up after kissing certain actors during filming: 'i've definitely not enjoyed some of it.', jerry seinfeld's 'unfrosted' divides critics: "one of decade's worst movies", serena williams' ethereal white swimsuit photoshoot shows the way she’s exercising after baby no. 2, no a’s in attendance: oakland trails a whopping 553 u.s. teams, you might also like, warner bros. to release first new ‘lord of the rings’ movie ‘the hunt for gollum’ in 2026, peter jackson to produce and andy serkis to direct, miss usa 2023 noelia voigt announces resignation to focus on her mental health, the best yoga mats for any practice, according to instructors, andy serkis directing ‘the lord of the rings: the hunt for gollum’ for expected 2026 release, finlete offers ‘pg version of onlyfans’ as pro investing grows.

Rolling Stone is a part of Penske Media Corporation. © 2024 Rolling Stone, LLC. All rights reserved.

Verify it's you

Please log in.

• Share full article

Advertisement

Supported by

An Appraisal

DMX, a Profound Vessel for Pain

The rapper, who died Friday, had no imitators because there was no way to falsify the life that forged him. He was a colossus, a fire-starter and a healer.

By Jon Caramanica

Even when DMX was the most popular rapper on the planet, he was a genre of one: a gruff, motivational, agitated and poignant fire-starter. Pure vigor and pure heart. A drill sergeant and a healer.

In 1998 and 1999, he released three majestic, bombastic albums : “It’s Dark and Hell Is Hot,” “Flesh of My Flesh, Blood of My Blood” and “… And Then There Was X.” Each one debuted at No. 1 on the Billboard album chart and has been certified platinum several times over. He performed at Woodstock ’99 for hundreds of thousands of people. He starred in “Belly,” the seminal 1998 hip-hop noir film. In his songs, he growled like a dog, credibly and often.

And yet there were no DMX clones in his wake because there was no way to falsify the life that forged him. For DMX — who died Friday at 50 after suffering a heart attack on April 2 — hip-hop superstardom came on the heels of a devastating childhood marked by abuse, drug use, crime and other traumas. His successes felt more like catharsis than triumphalism. Even at his rowdiest and most celebrated, he was a vessel for profound pain.

Especially as he got older, and his public struggles — countless arrests, stints in jail, continuing problems with drugs — threatened to overshadow his musical legacy, he never hid his hurt, never let shame overshadow his truth. The potency of his humanity was as heroic as any of his songs.

From the release of his debut Def Jam single, “Get at Me Dog,” in 1998, DMX was an immediate titanic presence in hip-hop. Just as the genre was moving toward polished sheen, he preferred iron and concrete — rapping with a muscular throatiness that conveyed an excitable kind of mayhem. The staccato bursts on “Ruff Ryders’ Anthem” — an early Swizz Beatz masterpiece — matched DMX’s jabs of melancholy: “All I know is pain/All I feel is rain.”

His voice was unrelentingly coarse, and in his peak era, between 1998 and 2003, he used it for one chest-puffed anthem after another: “Party Up (Up in Here),” “What’s My Name?,” “Who We Be,” “X Gon’ Give It to Ya,” “Where the Hood At?” Often, he rapped as if he were trying to win an argument, with repetitive emphasis and terse phrasing designed for maximum impact. Even when he dipped into flirtation, like on “What These Bitches Want,” he didn’t change his approach.

But when he took on his own troubled past on “Slippin’,” he tempered himself just a bit, as if showing himself some grace:

They put me in a situation forcing me to be a man When I was just learning to stand without a helping hand, damn Was it my fault, something I did To make a father leave his first kid? At 7 doing my first bid

Even though DMX’s time at the top of the genre was relatively brief, just a few ferocious years, he was never erased from its collective memory. That’s partly because the tumult of his personal life constantly landed him in the spotlight — he was arrested dozens of times, for charges including drug possession, aggravated assault, driving without a license and tax evasion. He rescued stray dogs, and tattooed a tribute to one of his dogs, Boomer, across the whole of his back, but also pleaded guilty to animal cruelty charges.

But he remained a subject of sympathy: DMX was a wild man, and a broken one, too. Physically abused by his mother as a child, he spent significant stretches of time in group homes. He took to crime young, specializing in robbery. Many of the stories contained in his 2002 book, “E.A.R.L.: The Autobiography of DMX,” are matter of fact and harrowing.

In a devastating interview last year , he explained that the person who first encouraged him to rap was also the one who first exposed him to crack, forever intertwining the art that was his salvation with the addiction that constantly threatened to undo him.

DMX’s life became a tug of war between his musical gift and his traumas. Beginning in the mid-2000s, he began to fade from the charts. His turns on the big screen, in “Belly,” “Romeo Must Die” and “Exit Wounds,” gave way to turns on sometimes voyeuristic reality television programs like “Couples Therapy,” “Dr. Drew’s Lifechangers” and “Iyanla: Fix My Life.” His search for healing — his need for it — became central to his public narrative.

DMX HAD ALREADY learned to tame arenas on the Hard Knock Life and Survival of the Illest tours by the time I first saw him live, in 2000, on the Cash Money/Ruff Ryders tour. It was as jolting as any performance I’ve ever seen — a frantic yet controlled display of raw charisma and might. Toward the end of his set, he stopped cold to offer a prayer. His body was covered in sweat, his voice was gruff, and thousands of people in the room went from boisterous to silent, sideswiped by DMX’s gospel. I saw the tour again a few weeks later — the scene was no less vivid.

He’d been doing this for a while by then, startling audiences with his religious fervor. “It damn near brings me to tears every night because I get nothing but love. It’s like I’m taking them to church,” he told the Source in 1999. “I just love ’em to death. I can’t even explain it. Just seeing them look at me the way they do. I can’t help but to love them. And I’m not going to take them to the wrong place.”

Every time I’ve seen DMX in the two decades since — from a tiny comeback show at S.O.B.’s in New York to an Easter Sunday convocation with Kanye West at Coachella — he did a version of the prayer, bringing a conflagration of a performance to a halt. On the surface, it seemed like a gift, a way to spread a message about mercy and hope in the unlikeliest of settings. But in those moments, he was also a supplicant laid bare — praying for us, and asking all of us to cover him in return.

Jon Caramanica is a pop music critic for The Times and the host of the Popcast . He also writes the men's Critical Shopper column for Styles. He previously worked for Vibe magazine, and has written for the Village Voice, Spin, XXL and more. More about Jon Caramanica

Explore the World of Hip-Hop

The long-building and increasingly testy rap beef between Kendrick Lamar and Drake  has exploded into full-bore acrimony .

As their influence and success continue to grow, artists including Sexyy Red and Cardi B are destigmatizing motherhood for hip-hop performers .

ValTown, an account on X and other social media platforms, spotlights gangs and drug kingpins of the 1980s and 1990s , illustrating how they have driven the aesthetics and the narratives of hip-hop.

Three new books cataloging objects central to rap’s physical history  demonstrate the importance of celebrating these relics before they vanish.

Hip-hop got its start in a Bronx apartment building 50 years ago. Here’s how the concept of home has been at the center of the genre ever since .

Over five decades, hip-hop has grown from a new art form to a culture-defining superpower . In their own words, 50 influential voices chronicle its evolution .

Things you buy through our links may earn  Vox Media  a commission.

Jay-Z Shares His Fondest Memory of DMX and Says Why He Boycotted the Grammys

The fourth season of LeBron James and Maverick Carter’s talk show The Shop: Uninterrupted premiered on HBO this past Friday, and they kicked things off with a roundtable of WNBA player Nneka Ogwumike, series co-creator Paul Rivera, Bad Bunny, and Jay-Z. The highlight of the shop talk was when Jay-Z shared his “fondest memory of DMX ,” which was when the late rapper opened for Jay-Z on his Hard Knock Life Tour in 1999. Jay-Z relives the moments before the first performance: “X is about to go on, and I want to see. X is going before me. And then he goes [ growls ], and the arena goes crazy. It’s deafening, and I’m like, ohhhhh shit ,” at which point Jay-Z grabs his face, Kevin McAllister style. Jay-Z goes on to describe all the ways that DMX was an impossible act to follow — his energy, the crowd cheering for him when he takes his shirt off halfway through the set. “First the guys are going crazy, now the girls are going crazy. And then he gets to the end, and he starts a prayer. And now they’re crying. The whole arena is crying! And they’re like … okay, now you go. ”

In the episode, Jay-Z also recounted why he boycotted the 1999 Grammys in solidarity with DMX: “We both came out that year, he didn’t even get nominated. He had two albums, two number-one albums in the same year. They didn’t even nominate him. I won that year, for Rap Album. So my first Grammy win, I wasn’t even in the building, because I boycotted it for him. So there was a competitive thing, but it was big love. He was so competitive with me, I never met a human being more competitive with me. Ever. Not even my big brother.” Jay-Z’s Shop: Uninterrupted interview occurred the same day as the release of his DMX and Nas collab, “Bath Salts.”

• the shop: uninterrupted
• lebron james

Most Viewed Stories

• A Complete Track-by-Track Timeline of Drake and Kendrick Lamar’s Feud
• Cinematrix No. 54: May 9, 2024
• The Idea of You Is a Brutal Watch, Actually
• Tell Your Friends That John Sugar Is an Alien
• Kim Kardashian Booed at Tom Brady Roast
• Vanderpump Rules Season-Finale Recap: Fool’s Gold
• Palm Royale Finale Recap: Is That All There Is?

Editor’s Picks

Most Popular

What is your email.

This email will be used to sign into all New York sites. By submitting your email, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy and to receive email correspondence from us.

Sign In To Continue Reading

Create your free account.

Password must be at least 8 characters and contain:

• Lower case letters (a-z)
• Upper case letters (A-Z)
• Numbers (0-9)
• Special Characters (!@#$%^&*)

As part of your account, you’ll receive occasional updates and offers from New York , which you can opt out of anytime.

• Search Please fill out this field.
• Manage Your Subscription
• Give a Gift Subscription
• Newsletters
• Sweepstakes
• Entertainment

JAY-Z Says Touring with DMX Pushed Him to Perfect His Own Performances: 'He Improved My Stage Show'

"He was so competitive with me. I never met a human being more competitive with me, like ever, not even my big brother," JAY-Z said of the late rapper

JAY-Z is speaking candidly about how touring with DMX inspired him to step up his game on stage.

While chatting with LeBron James and others for the season four premiere of HBO's The Shop: Uninterrupted , the 51-year-old "Song Cry" crooner opened up about how the late rapper inspired him during the Hard Knock Life tour in 1999.

Speaking about DMX, JAY-Z said, "There was a competitive thing, but it was big love."

"He was so competitive with me. I never met a human being more competitive with me, like ever, not even my big brother," he continued. "My fondest memory of DMX is he improved my stage show."

Recalling the first night of the show, which the rapper said was "sold out," JAY-Z explained that he wanted to watch DMX's performance before his own.

"X is about to go, and I'm like, 'I wanna see,' " JAY-Z recalled. "And he goes [growls], and the f------ arena goes crazy."

"First of all, it's deafening, and I'm like, 'Oh s---,'" the "Empire State of Mind" artist continued. "He has a thing, like an Alize and Hennessy mix, it looks like blood — like he's drinking blood — and he's running back and forth [on the stage]."

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE 's free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from juicy celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.

"Halfway through the show, then he takes his shirt off and the whole crowd goes wild," he added. "... First the guys are going crazy, now the girls are going crazy."

From there, the star said DMX transitioned his set to prayer, eliciting a new wave of emotions from the crowd.

"And now they're crying, the whole arena is crying. And they're like, 'OK, now you go,'" JAY-Z said. "I was like, 'Okay, I have to figure out my space in this. I have to figure out where do I exist.' "

RELATED VIDEO: DMX Says He Thanks 'God for Every Moment' of His Life in Last Recorded Interview Before His Death

DMX, born Earl Simmons, died at White Plains Hospital in New York in April, his family previously confirmed to PEOPLE .

The rapper was hospitalized in grave condition on April 2 after suffering a heart attack at home around 11 p.m., his attorney Murray Richman told NBC News the following day.

"We are deeply saddened to announce today that our loved one, DMX, birth name of Earl Simmons, passed away at 50 years old at White Plains Hospital with his family by his side after being placed on life support for the past few days," his family wrote in a statement at the time.

"Earl was a warrior who fought till the very end. He loved his family with all of his heart and we cherish the times we spent with him. Earl's music inspired countless fans across the world and his iconic legacy will live on forever," the statement continued.

"We appreciate all of the love and support during this incredibly difficult time. Please respect our privacy as we grieve the loss of our brother, father, uncle and the man the world knew as DMX."

Related Articles

Watch CBS News

DMX, electrifying rapper who defined 2000s rap, dies at 50

By Justin Bey , Zoe Christen Jones

Updated on: April 9, 2021 / 7:04 PM EDT / CBS News

DMX, the prolific rapper and actor who rose to fame in the late 1990s and 2000s, has died nearly a week after suffering a heart attack , his family said in a statement Friday. He was 50 years old.

The rapper, whose real name is Earl Simmons, was hospitalized in White Plains, New York, after suffering the heart attack on April 2. He spent roughly a week on life support and was facing what his family called "serious health issues." 

"Earl was a warrior who fought till the very end. He loved his family with all of his heart and we cherish the times we spent with him," his family said. "Earl's music inspired countless fans across the world and his iconic legacy will live on forever. We appreciate all of the love and support during this incredibly difficult time."

Known for his electrifying hits, aggressive rhymes and growling voice, DMX defined the 2000s era of hip-hop, becoming the first artist to debut an album at No. 1 five times in a row on the Billboard charts. He also became a welcome face on screen, becoming an actor with roles in the cult classic "Belly" in 1998, "Romeo Must Die" in 2000 and "Exit Wounds" in 2001.

Fellow musicians and celebrities responded to news of DMX's hospitalization with public displays of support and condolences to his family, including Missy Elliot, Ja Rule, Rick Ross, Sisqo, LL Cool J and Chance The Rapper. And his fans hoped to lift him up outside the hospital where he was admitted. Dozens attended a prayer vigil, playing the rapper's greatest hits, chanting his name and sharing their love for his work. 

The rapper was born on December 18, 1970, in Mount Vernon, New York, and eventually moved to the city of Yonkers. He often spoke of growing up in an abusive household and turning to music as an outlet. In his 2003 autobiography, he wrote about his family's struggles, calling his childhood "rough." He said he was hit by a car at a young age and abused by his family, which led him to act out at home and at school. 

After gaining a reputation for being "crazy," DMX taught himself how to beatbox and created a new name and identity for himself while struggling with addiction. But before he could perform as a DJ, he needed a name. Help came in the form of one of the greatest drum audio machines at the time.

"DMX was the name of one of the best early drum machines a lot of the kids were using and since I felt I was nice with the beats,  I  took that. It was strong, powerful," he wrote. "I liked the three letters and thought that it would be cool to make them stand for different things. So when I went back to Children's Village after my home visit, I was no longer Earl Simmons or even Crazy Earl. I  was DMX. DMX The Beat Box Enforcer."

X's music was often an honest reflection of his personal struggles, containing themes of religion, violence and redemption. In 1998, he released his debut album, "It's Dark and Hell Is Hot," which debuted at No. 1 on the music charts. He's often credited with reinvigorating the New York rap scene, and over the course of his career, he released a total of seven albums and was nominated for three Grammy Awards.

In a 2019 interview, he spoke about his love of performing on stage in front of his fans. "Performing in front of people is beyond a high. It's beyond a high that any drug could duplicate," he told GQ at the time. "Just being onstage, period, and knowing that there's so much love out there."

Justin is an assistant managing editor at CBS News. Reach him at: [email protected].

More from CBS News

Heineken vows nearly $50 million to transform "tired pubs" in U.K.

FTX files plan to fully reimburse customers it defrauded of billions

Cruise ship arrives in NYC with dead whale caught on its bow

Miss Teen USA gives up title days after Miss USA resigned

Jay-Z, DMX, Method Man, Redman Set Dates For Tour

Charlotte, North Carolina... you have been warned.

That is where Jay-Z, DMX, Method Man, and Redman will touch down next month for the first date of their upcoming "Hard Knock Life" tour.

The rappers will kick off the trek on February 27, and will stay on the road through mid-April. Jay-Z is expected to announce more dates next week at a press conference in New York.

For now, here is how the itinerary shapes up:

• 2/27 - Charlotte, NC @ Charlotte Coliseum
• 2/28 - North Charleston, SC @ North Charleston Coliseum
• 3/2 - Washington, DC @ MCI Center
• 3/3 - East Rutherford, NJ @ Continental Airline Arena
• 3/4 - Cleveland, OH @ CSU Convocation Center
• 3/6 - Dallas, TX @ Reunion Arena
• 3/7 - Houston, TX @ Compaq Center
• 3/10 - Toronto, ON @ Air Canada Centre
• 3/11 - Montreal, QC @ Molson Centre
• 3/12 - Detroit, MI @ Cobo Arena
• 3/13 - Camden, NJ @ Blockbuster - Sony Center
• 3/16 - Columbus, OH @ Schottenstein Center
• 3/17 - Rochester, NY @ Blue Cross Arena
• 3/18 - Providence, RI @ Rhode Island Convention Center
• 3/19 - Hampton, VA @ Hampton Coliseum
• 3/21 - Hartford, CT @ Hartford Civic Center
• 3/23 - Albany, NY @ Pepsi Arena
• 3/25 - Buffalo, NY @ Marine Midland Arena
• 3/26 - Baltimore, MD @ Baltimore Arena
• 3/27 - Boston, MA @ FleetCenter
• 3/28 - Uniondale, NY @ Nassau Coliseum
• 3/31 - St. Louis, MO @ Kiel Center
• 4/1 - Louisville, KY @ Louisville Gardens
• 4/2 - Milwaukee, WI @ Milwaukee Arena
• 4/3 - Memphis, TN @ Mid-South Coliseum
• 4/4 - Rosemont, IL @ Rosemont Horizon
• 4/7 - Greenville, SC @ Bi-Lo Center
• 4/8 - Albany, GA @ Albany Civic Center
• 4/9 - Jacksonville, FL @ Jacksonville Coliseum
• 4/10 - Atlanta, GA @ Lakewood Amphitheatre
• 4/11 - Birmingham, AL @ Birmingham-Jefferson Coliseum
• 4/13 - El Paso, TX @ El Paso Convention Ctr.
• 4/14 - Albuquerque,
• 4/15 - Phoenix, AZ @ Blockbuster Desert Sky Pavilion
• 4/16 - San Diego, CA @ San Diego Sports Arena
• 4/17 - Anaheim, CA @ Arrowhead Pond

Latest News

POV VMA SUBMISSION FORM

MTV Video Music Awards Will Return to New Jersey for September Show

Scream’s Ghostface Accepts Best Movie And Best Fight: ‘Movies Don’t Create Psychos’

Anthony Ramos And Dominique Fishback Ramp Up The Tension In New 'Transformers' Clip

Joseph Quinn Acknowledges The Power Of 'Stranger Things' Fans

Ariel And Prince Eric's Romantic Night Ends With A Splash In New 'Little Mermaid' Clip

• pop Culture
• Facebook Navigation Icon
• Twitter Navigation Icon
• WhatsApp icon
• Instagram Navigation Icon
• Youtube Navigation Icon
• Snapchat Navigation Icon
• TikTok Navigation Icon
• pigeons & planes
• newsletters
• Youtube logo nav bar 0 youtube
• Instagram Navigation Icon instagram
• Twitter Navigation Icon x
• Facebook logo facebook
• TikTok Navigation Icon tiktok
• Snapchat Navigation Icon snapchat
• Apple logo apple news
• Flipboard logo nav bar 1 flipboard
• Instagram Navigation Icon google news
• WhatsApp icon whatsapp
• RSS feed icon rss feed

Complex Global

• united states
• united kingdom
• netherlands
• philippines
• complex chinese

Work with us

terms of use

privacy policy

cookie settings

california privacy

public notice

accessibility statement

COMPLEX participates in various affiliate marketing programs, which means COMPLEX gets paid commissions on purchases made through our links to retailer sites. Our editorial content is not influenced by any commissions we receive.

© Complex Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Complex.com is a part of

Boosie Badazz Says DMX Made Him Cry After Seeing Him Perform: 'I Never Seen Nothing Like That in My Life'

While promoting his latest project 'Best Album of 2023,' Boosie Badazz spoke with Sway Calloway and shared why the late DMX was the best person he saw perform.

Boosie Badazz  has recalled a time he was a teenager and was brought to tears during a  DMX  concert in Florida. 

During his conversation on  Sway’s Universe , the Baton Rouge, Louisiana native reflected on the time he attended  Jay-Z’s  Hard Knock Life tour in the late-'90s with his family and was brought to tears when DMX closed out his set. After every performance, X would deliver an emotional prayer that caused fans to get misty-eyed by his raw passion. 

Boosie went to the show with his uncle and cousin in Jacksonville, Florida, and was stunned by the “Get At Me Dog” rapper’s powerful message that night. 

“The best person I ever seen perform was DMX. He made me cry,” Boosie said at around the 22-minute mark. “I was 14 years old… Jay-Z opened up for him… I saw him perform in Jacksonville, Florida. DMX made me cry.” 

View this video on YouTube

He continued after confirming it was the Hard Knock Life tour, “When he said that prayer at the end bro? Me and my cousin [were] holding hands. Man, we was holding hands crying… It was my first big concert I’ve ever been to cause I had gotten into trouble for the summer I had to go live with my people in Jacksonville and my uncle took me to the concert bro. I never seen nothing like that in my life.”

DMX had an unparalleled stage presence that even had Jay-Z tip his hat to the late rapper. In an episode of LeBron James’  The Shop , Hov  reflected on the Hard Knock Life tour and having to perform after X, who had just torn the house down.

“My fondest memory of DMX is: he improved my stage show,” Jay recalled. ”X is about to go, and I’m like, I wanna see … And he goes [growls], and the fucking arena goes crazy. First of all, it’s deafening, and I’m like, ‘Ohhh shit.’ He has a thing, like an Alize and Hennessy mix,  it looks like blood , like he’s drinking blood, and he’s running back and forth. Halfway through the show, he takes his shirt off and the whole crowd goes wild. ‘Aaaaaah!’”

Jay added, “He’s going nuts, right? And I’m like, ‘Shit.’ First the guys are going crazy, now the girls are going crazy. And then he gets to the end, and he starts a prayer. And now they’re crying, the whole arena is crying. And then [organizers] are like, ‘OK, now you go.’”

Irv Gotti, who helped DMX early on in his career, shared a similar story with  GQ  in 2018. According to Gotti, DMX left his mark one night at the legendary Apollo Theater, where he hit everyone in the chest with a powerful performance. 

“He tore that shit down, and he ended with ‘Prayer,’ and started crying,” Gotti recalled. “And when he closes with the lines, ‘So if it takes for me to suffer, for my brother to see the light, give me pain ‘til I die, but please, Lord, treat him right,’ and threw up the X with his arms, there was hood niggas and bitches in there crying. Every motherfucker in the Apollo had the X up with him and they were crying. He was like, ‘I love y’all niggas. I love my niggas.’ He’s telling everyone in the audience ‘I love y’all.’ I was on stage behind him, and I was like, God, man. That’s DMX, man. Artists don’t have a connection like that. He’s in your heart. He’s in your fucking heart.”

SHARE THIS STORY

Complex Music Newsletter

Stay ready. The playlists, good reads and video interviews you need—delivered every week.

By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you’re agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our

Latest in Music

| BY TRACE WILLIAM COWEN

Drake Highlights Contemplative Clip From Netflix’s 'A Man in Full' Amid Ongoing Kendrick Lamar Beef Talk

| BY JOSE MARTINEZ

Naomi Osaka Picks Kendrick Over Drake, Says Lamar Should Drop Another Song

| BY ALEX OCHO

Streams of Kendrick Lamar's Back Catalog Just Rose 49 Percent, While Drake's Fell 5 Percent

J. Cole Reportedly Seen Chilling at Beach as Drake and Kendrick Lamar's Beef Consumes Hip-Hop

| BY JAELANI TURNER-WILLIAMS

Sukihana Comes for JT on New Diss Track "Cocaine"

Intruder Detained After Attempting to Break Into Drake's Toronto Mansion

| BY PETER A. BERRY

How the Rap War Is Manipulating the Rap Media War

DJ Akademiks Says Drake Gave Him 30-Minute Warning Before Dropping "Family Matters"

Coi Leray Says She’s the ‘Female Uzi’: ‘I’m Top Influential, Top Versatile, Top Greatest, Flyest’

| BY MARK ELIBERT

Ice Cube on Drake and Kendrick Lamar Battle: 'I Don't Really Like Seeing Rappers Beef'